Processing

Patrick handed me tissues and let me cry while he grabbed another book. He had me repeat a phrase holding an emotion. My eyes closed. I cannot remember the emotion, now, but I remember my thoughts pulling me back to my car. There were two boys in the back seat of my car when I crashed.

"My boys!" I cried. "Where are my boys?"

"You don't have children, Shanna," Patrick said as my arm went floppy.

I shook my head as he held points. "My boys."

"Were you babysitting the day you crashed?"

"No. But the boys…."

Patrick took my hand in his. "Think about those boys. Can you describe them?"

"They are young—maybe five or six. Light brown hair, but they are retarded. One has Down Syndrome and the other has Autism. They are my kids. What's happened to them? Where are they?"

"Has your mind created them to help you deal with the car accident?" Patrick asked, holding more points.

"No."

"Can you speak to them?"

I thought my words to them. 'Can you tell me who you are?'

I was shown an image of me doing for Patrick what he was doing for me.

'I don't understand.'

The image came again, but I could see my right arm—flesh until the elbow then spirit down to my fingertips.

'Can you help me understand?'

But the car crashing took the place of the young boys.

"Shanna?" Patrick asked gently.

"They showed me an image," I said as my arm held.

Patrick was able to unlock it with a slight energy tap in the air above the center of my chest.

"What was the image?"

"I was doing this on you."

"You were doing Kinesiology on me?"

I nodded. "But my right arm was different. It was still amputated, but I could see an energetic arm replacing what I am missing."

"The right side has to do with masculine energy."

"So?"

"You've suppressed your male energy."

I paused. "I retarded the development of my masculine energy." The pain in my chest faded and flesh covered the energetic arm in my mind.

"Understanding you own abilities," he stacked. "Difficulty communicating thoughts and/or feelings."

Patrick did one final correction before he let go. "How are you feeling, Shanna?"

"I don't know."

"If you need to lie here for a little bit that's fine. You have ten minutes before you need to clock in."

I nodded then rolled to my side before sitting up.

Patrick closed some of his books and put them away.

"Patrick?" I asked.

"Yes?"

I opened my arms and he gave me a hug. He rubbed and patted my back the longer I hugged him.

"Have I hurt them?"

"No, Shanna. You protected them."

I nodded as more tears filled my eyes. Slowly, I let go and he handed me another tissue before sitting at his desk and pulling out his laptop. I sat for another moment before I got to my feet and put my shoes back on. Then Patrick walked out to the floor with me. I had to reset my login since I could not remember what it was. Then Patrick walked me around the store, quietly telling me all the different sections so I would know where to look as I tried again to help the customers who came into the store.

"Trust the thoughts that come to you, Shanna," he told me. "You're very intuitive."

"Thank you, Patrick."

He nodded then returned to his office to prepare for his next client.

The store was busy off and on. During the down moments I reviewed the notes I had for ordering the companies I had been assigned or familiarizing myself with the products we carried and where they were. One coworker kept dancing next to me or bumping her hips against mine, but I didn't react. I didn't remember what I did with this employee.

"Shey, what's wrong?" she asked towards the end of my shift. "You haven't been acting like yourself today."

"Nothing is wrong," I replied. "I just don't want to play anymore."

"Oh. Okay." Then she left me alone.

As I had listened to the coworkers talk to each other and answer the phone, I was able to get their names down. Raquel was the one that kept dancing by me, BreAnn had long black hair, Ariea had short brown hair and was vegan, Andie also had short brown hair and was really thin. There were still a few others, but I hadn't yet gotten their names down.

Matteo came at 6pm like he promised. He greeted me with a kiss to my cheek. "Are you ready to go?"

"As soon as I grab my bag from the back," I said.

"Okay."

Patrick came out of his office as I went to the back to grab my coat and bag. He gave me one more hug. "Let me know how you are processing," he said.

"I will. Thank you for your patience, Patrick."

"You've done the same for me, Shanna." He patted my back then returned to his office.

I joined Matteo back out on the floor before he drove me home. He came in tonight and helped me make dinner. He set the chicken to cook while I washed the vegetables. He chopped since I couldn't.

"How was work?" I asked him.

"It was good. Bryan Gordon has done an excellent job with his manuscript, but I'm finding a few inconsistencies he needs to fix before it's published."

I nodded.

"How was work for you?"

"It was a learning experience."

"How so?"

"I spent a lot of time staring at the shelves, seeing what products we have in each section. Many of the bottles looked familiar and when talking to customers about the products, I knew exactly what they did and how they could be helpful."

"That's because you are an amazing Master Herbalist. I told you you'd be fine." Matteo leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"But how can I remember the herbs and not Energy Kinesiology?"

"You've been studying herbs for thirteen years, Shey. You didn't start doing Energy Kinesiology until two years ago. It'll come, you just need to give it a little more time."

"Okay."

Matteo moved the chicken off the burner and let it rest. "Was there anything else that happened at work?"

"I might have offended Raquel."

"How so?"

"She kept dancing around me and bumping me with her hip. So, I told her I was done playing. Why does she do it in the first place?"

"It's her way of making sure she has friends to keep her happy."

"She cannot depend her happiness on me."

"I know. How was your session with Patrick?"

"Enlightening. My masculine energy is no longer suppressed."

"Good. That will improve your skills as a healer."

Matteo shredded the lettuce and put all the chopped vegetables into small dishes. From the fridge, I pulled out a container of Greek yogurt. There were spices in it.

"Darcy's," Matteo said. "Good choice."

I nodded and set it aside before pulling out the Blue Coyote Ranch.

Matteo dished up the food then carried the plates to the table where we sat side by side and continued our conversation about the other person so I could try and relearn who Matteo was.

He stayed until 9pm talking with me and helping me clean up the kitchen. I had an early shift the next day and Matteo's knocking woke me up.