1 Chapter 1 • Rain

A chill ran through the hairs on my nape rendering the outlines of a distant past I never learn to forget. This empty feeling lingered whenever I hear the bombs stacattoing and exploding into places leaving them to perish. I remember corpses decaying and blood pooling in a place I once called home. I can still hear the distant cries. I can still hear the buzzing echoes all around a field of mud and blood. I can still hear the children asking for their mommies and daddies that will never ever return. I can still hear hopelessness deep within the silence. I can still hear the echoes of voices all around me that now ceased to exist.

"Are you excited?" My mind was pulled instantly into the present. My mom told me lightly as I got to the door of our house. I was still in a fazed state. I instinctively fixed my hair to the side and blinked a lot of times to ease the pain in my eyes. I was about to cry not because of excitement.

She was saying other words that I can't hear but I know what she said. We learned lip-reading when we were at the shelter. Not learning that properly was a price one cannot pay. A single sound may mean life or death.

No mom.

I'm not excited—either you are.

The air was cold and the rain is soft but it won't just stop pouring.

"Yes." I awkwardly said as I keenly smiled at the camera posited at the doorstep. She touched my shoulder and hugged me.

I should have screamed from the pain from her hug for the stitches on the sides of my stomach and jaw still ached. I still have to take medications for it for it never stopped the throbbing. The procedures are taking its toll on me.

"Good luck." She smiled at me and held my hand. She patted my back and hugged me. She gave me my umbrella. It was half-drenched from being used a while ago to get morning ration.

"Oh wait." My mom hurried from her room only to get her red lipstick.

"I'm going to be late mom!" She applied the lipstick gently.

"No. You have to look great. It's your day." She hugged me tight and I felt a little stream of tears in my shoulders.

"I'm going to miss you mom. I'll visit every now and then."

The rain is light but it hardly subsides.

•••

In my mind, it was torture. I held onto my bag for life. I held on to the watch that I was wearing—hoping for a miracle to happen. Nothing happened.

I walked outside and flattened out the crevices of the only white dress I own. I made sure that my dress is clean. The air was tense as I walked towards the bus terminal. I knew this day was going to be odd. The skies are all gray but based on the weather forecast it should be sunny. I can see little rays of sunshine here and there, but it only made the gloomy atmosphere worse. The pavements were dry and dusty being protected by the shade of the shed. I heard light varied unsynchronized footsteps that added to my agony. I turn to look around to found myself in a pinch—all of the other people in the streets wore white approaching public vehicles towards their fate and delving into the unknown. It was painful to see. Blood was sacrificed over a life of fake happiness. What did I do to deserve this?

I sat on the front seat of the bus. Near the window, I can see the whole place that was once brimming with life and love. It looked dull. Everything is lifeless. Gray buildings, gray asphalt, gray skies, and gray reflections of people in the bus window is all I can see. When I gazed at all of the people inside the bus, they were out looking outside the window, still in search for the happiness they once taken for granted.

I got off the bus and opened my red umbrella while going up the grand stairs going to the Participant Hall.

I arrived at the Hall twenty-six minutes early. I gazed into my watch again and again and examined my prized possession as if it was the last time I'm going to see it. This is all that is allowed for me to carry, along with a bag to place important things. I put my umbrella in a designated place near the counter. I already saw familiar faces here and there and hoped that some of my closest friends are also here for me to know if they're still alive.

I place my finger in the scanner and the lady on the counter gave me a piece of paper. It read: 4aQ:F136-0001. Seat area: AF16. Room: A6.

'What a long code,' I thought to myself. I sat on the designated seat and waited for further announcements. I was not the first to enter the Hall designated for female. By this time, only six seats were vacant. I held on my bag tightly and breathed deep as I sat on the designated chair. I saw many familiar faces and I smiled to all of them. We're not allowed to talk in the Hall. It dawned on me that not everyone is eligible for pairing. They told me I was a lucky one that I was chosen for this life. I never choose this and if I ever declined this in the first place, my parents would die of starvation.

A woman in a white coat greeted all of us.

"Good morning citizens of the Region. We welcome you to the second presiding of the biennial pairing. Without further ado, let's get started."

"4aL:F147-0001. 4aQ:F144-0001. 4aR:F144-0002. 4a. 4aS:F144-003. 4aG:F144-004... "

She started calling twenty codes. The women bowed with respect and entered the designated twenty rooms.

The woman called out. 'Please wait for twenty to thirty minutes for the next batch.'

I muttered in my mind, 'Twenty minutes. Stranger. Marriage.'

"…4aM:F137-0001, 4aN:F136-0001..."

The code that was designated to me was called. I'm not prepared for this.

I slowly stood up. My legs were shaking and I lined up in the side along with the other ladies. We walked towards and in front of the door.

"Please enter the rooms that are designated for you." The speakers boomed.

We all turned the knob at the same time entered the door.

The room was stone cold. A straightforward and dull hello greeted me and directed me where to sit. The presiding officer was a woman wearing a white blouse. She was smiling at me but there was sadness in her eyes. The other side of the room is separated by a cloth and she is in the middle with hands above her desk. I heard the doorknob open and I heard footsteps towards the seat adjacent to mine.

I felt nothing now. My head throbs but it was numb. A little trickle of sweat escaped my forehead rendering me speechless. The presiding officer quickly read the statement that I may have heard from the infomercials in the community television.

"4aN:F136-0001 and 4aA:M135-0003 are citizens in this country and therefore must abide with the laws and consider this ceremony obligatory and as your lifetime responsibility. Consider the consequences of not abiding with the state. You can request for a reshuffle and consider another person to be paired to you but it would be from the lower niche. Bear in mind that we seek compatibility whether it be for your intelligence quotient, emotional quotient, heredity, and fertility."

The presiding officer quickly unveiled the cloth. It was unexpected and my jaw slightly dropped.

I saw him.