Divorce

Happy Reading

 Three years later, Reno and I separated because Reno caught us always together.

 "Ryo wants to come, maybe I won't take Ibra to your house today," said Reno, the man who officially divorced me two years ago.

 "Yes, Mas." That was the only answer that came out, because I knew very well that our son named Ibra was quite close to the twin sons of Reno's sister.  The call was cut off after Reno heard my answer.  He will indeed contact me if it concerns Ibra, that too only conveys the essence of the conversation and no other pleasantries.

 I took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly.  For almost two years I was tormented by longing and loneliness, because one by one the people I loved left me.  And maybe this is the fruit of my past actions. Who would have thought, my intention of just looking for entertainment on social media became the abyss of ruining our household.  Yes, all my fault, if only at that time I could control myself and lust maybe we would still be together today.

 That night Reno caught all my behavior behind his back.  I was scared to death when I came home lonely, dark, and messy.  However, seeing Reno sitting in the corner of the room with photos scattered on the floor scared me even more.  I swallowed hard when I saw a photo of me with a man who could make me forget what faithfulness is.

 "How long?"

 I immediately kneeled down in front of Reno and apologized, "I'm sorry, Mas. I'm sorry. I made a mistake, but I swear, by Allah we are only limited to meeting and chatting normally, nothing more than that, Mas."

 "How long?"

 He repeated his question, made me look down and answer shakily.

 "T-three months."

 There was no reply from him, but when I looked up our eyes met and ... this is the first time I've seen Reno cry for our five years of marriage.  Makes me more broken and feel like the worst person in the world.

 "Sorry, Mas. Sorry ...." I prostrate to touch his feet with sobs.  However, he didn't say another word.

 Reno is the type of guy who doesn't talk much since we were close.  And after that night he grew colder.  Even though he said he had forgiven, we were like strangers living in one house.  Almost a year of trying to survive in marriage, finally Reno divorced me because he felt that the relationship between us was not healthy.

 "No matter how hard I forget, in fact it still can't be erased from memory," he said after giving me one divorce.

 I couldn't help but be silent after begging to be given another chance.  However, Reno, a man who is very responsible for his words, will not waver even if he has to sacrifice his pride.

 "Pack up and go back to your parents' house. I told them this before we spoke, sorry I can't take you. I'll take custody of Ibra, but you're free if you want to see him."  His voice was firm and cold.

 I couldn't answer anything and started to leave the living room.  It turned out that this was the reason Aidan's parents invited Ibra to stay at his house for a few days.  However, when they met my in-laws earlier, there was absolutely no look of anger and disappointment on their faces.  They even apologized, and told me to be patient and to understand the stubborn nature of his son.

 I packed up and only brought clothes.  Before actually leaving, I stopped by Ibra's room to take one of his clothes for longing medicine, afraid that later I would not be able to meet again.

When I left the room, Reno was not in the living room.  I looked at the ATM card and some red bills on the table.  Even though I knew Aidan meant putting it on the table, but I chose to skip it.  When I got outside, there was already a taxi waiting for me.

 I got into the taxi crying, even in the midst of his disappointment and hatred, he still cared about me.  I realized more and more how bad and evil I was.

 Two years have passed, and here I am now.  Left alone because Dad died 8 months after the divorce hammer was inaugurated and 4 months after Mom followed him.  As an only child, I was like the undead.  My body moves, but my soul dies.

 "Infidelity isn't just about sleeping with the opposite sex who isn't a mahram. Replying to secret messages, then deleting them is also cheating, Rara."

 I cried remembering my father's words at that time, the day his favorite daughter got the title of widow.  How stupid I was to play behind the person I've loved so much since high school.  Only because he feels lonely and bored because Aidan is very busy at work and is often out of town.  It felt good at first, but now ... no matter how much regret and apologies can't bring it all back.

 "Humph!"  Not wanting to drag on in sorrow, I stood up and prepared to make an order for this afternoon.  Yes, I continued my mother's business in her small catering business.

 Even though I was the only child, my mother used to force me to help her in her business.  At first it was forced, but after a while I got used to it and now I feel the benefits.

 After calculating the total order, it turns out that it requires a rather large skillet.  I went to the warehouse to get tools.  As I was about to leave, my eyes caught the pink cardboard that had been inhabiting this warehouse from two years ago.

 I put the pan on the floor, then took the box and opened the contents.  A smile instantly etched because of the things in this box is proof of how much I was crazy about and loved Reno.  I took the pink diary which had been my vent.  Because I didn't have too many friends, let alone close friends.  I started to open the first page, reading the writing whose ink was starting to fade....

 'Who doesn't know you in this school?  Even outside of school your name is still being hailed.  To me, you are... perfect.  Your attitude is very friendly, sociable, smiley, and light-headed.  Yes, like your name, Reno which means intelligent.  Able to make anyone who is near you proud and fall in love.  Including me.'

 Before reading the next paragraph, my vision started to blur.  In the next second something dripped on this obsolete book.  I cried ... again, and almost every day like this.  The cry that was initially slow, gradually became uncontrollable.  My shoulders shook so hard that I sat on the floor and buried my face between my knees which I pressed against my chest.

 "I still love you very much, Reno."

 I squeeze the shirt against my chest because the tightness is difficult to remove.

 "I'm sorry, I'm sorry...."

 It's good to cry when no one else is here.  I can cry as much as I want, but I also have to relieve it myself.  It's okay, I'm used to it.

 After calming down enough, I put my diary back in the cardboard box and then switched to taking photos of us in high school which made my chest tighten even more.  It was the first photo of us in our three years of school, the most popular student side by side with an average student.

 I caressed his face softly, "I'm too busy loving you, to forget how to forget. Sometimes... I think to just follow mom and dad, so I can forget you easily."

 To be continued