1 Nightmare

I have no one who loves me, no one who cares about me, no one who will be with me. I m trapped in this prison of loneliness.

My parents they were so in love with each other or so was that I thought. Until I was 3 years old, I could see and feel something strange about their relationship.

I thought that it was all just my imagination, but who knew that my analysis was correct. It is true that they did not love each other, they started to argue with each other when I was 5 years old.

I was scared and terrified. I did not know what to do? Who do I support? Where will I go? I found out that my parents had to go though political/arrange marriage with each other and it was against their own will, they had no choice but to get married.

They were tasked to deliver a baby, and that was their only way to be free from this loveless marriage with each other, both families wanted to build relationships with each other and that way was though marriage.

My mom loves another person, my dad also loves another person. They both had lovers, and I was their obstacle. I was in their way. They started to hit me, scold me, torture me in all sorts of ways. They both hated their families for this forced marriage. And I was the unwanted product from this marriage. By the time my grandparents know about this incident and saved me I was already broken.

I also found out that my mother and father both had their own kids. My dad side I have a step sister who is the same age as me and step brother who is younger than me by 3 years.

From my mom side I have 2 step brother and 1 stepsister they are triplets. They are younger than me by 1 year. When I see my parents this happy, my heart starts to ache. I wish I could have this love. I yearn for it so much, yet I know I will never be able to have it. This family love is only for them, for my step brothers and sisters. I m seriously so damn pitiful.

My grandparents only wanted my existence, so that they can have connections with each other and now that they had a reason to be partners they made use of this opportunity fully and I was once again tossed in the side.

Where no one will ever remember me, the servants bullies me, yet I can do nothing but bear with it. I  don't have enough food to eat, I want to escape from here, I want to leave.

Yet I'm so powerless, so I work hard on my studies. I m a good student my teacher, classmate all of them hate me due to the fact that I m too smart and outstanding, so my classmates ignore me, some bullies me, the teacher turns a blind eye towards those actions of my classmates.

Its so damn annoying, I have tried many times to suicide yet I couldn't take my life, just when I had to take the final step I had already began to cower in the fear of death. I want to die, yet I can't kill myself, living is too cruel!

What did I do to deserve this? Did I asked you to create me? I never asked for that! Yet, why am I the only one to suffer from your decision? Why is it only me? You guys are now happy, but what about me?

Seriously I m so damn unlucky.