8 SEATTLE

After I explained what I could about my most recent flashback, I finally got Ezra into his bed.

Damm. and I'm the one he's supposed to take care of. It's my fault he's hurt too.

I went into my room and grabbed my pajamas, and went into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror.

Wow I looked like Shit.

My braid was a mess, dried blood was crusted around my right eyebrow, then there was blood crusted onto my knuckles and someone's blood on the left side of my neck. And I had streaks of dirt all over.

I turned on the shower and while I waited for it to get warm I took off my clothes and looked at my cuts and scars. They covered my body, what life had I led? I don't know but maybe I will. By now the water was warm. I climbed in and watched the dirt, grime and blood circling the drain. After scrubbing myself thoroughly I climbed out and dried off. I put on pajamas, a pair of shorts and a loose tank top. I entered my room and put my dirty clothes in a pile in the corner, and climbed into bed. I turned off the lights and laid down.

And that's about all it was. I could not sleep, so I pulled on a light robe that went down to my caves and walked into the main room. The clock read 3:46 am.

Hell 3 am already?!

The kitchen bot turned on and came towards me. Gave it a silent nod of thanks, but that I was fine. It went back to its charging station. I opened the balcony door and stepped out. The wind whistled in between the buildings. I heard the honk of cars, music from clubs, laughter and excited yelling of names coming from below. It was like a completely different world, one without worries or confusion, just joy. If only. I wonder if I was like that, clubbing with girlfriends, partying.

Probably not

Judging by my scars I don't think I was that free or at least.

Not for very long

All these thoughts cascading around inside my head. Why? Who am I. Who was I. What happened that night. I needed to know. Why? Why couldn't I just remember Fuck. I know it's petty, but why me? What am I missing? I looked down at my watch, 3:48 am. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I just yelled, loud and long as my lungs would allow . As soon I did I covered my mouth not believing myself, what the hell was I thinking! Screaming at 3 almost 4 am! I was so inconsiderate. But then I looked back at my watch. 3:53 am. What I yelled for at least 4 minutes straight?! How the hell didn't I wake anyone up?! I didn't know I just sat down and cried. I didn't know why but I just did, frustration, anger, loss, guilt, confusion? What was it! I knew I wasn't someone who cried a lot or very easily. I just. Couldn't anymore.

Then a blanket wrapped around my shoulders I looked up to see Ezra looking a me there was a mix of compassion, heartbreak, sadness and was there helplessness? I quickly wiped away my tears looking down.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you, I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry to scare you by yelling." I say embarrassed

"It's fine, the yelling is kinda normal around here," he says sitting down next to me. I didn't notice how cold I was until I was wrapped in a blanket. Ezra had half and I had half.

"I'm sorry.. I was just so lost." I say leaning into him subconsciously resting my head on his shoulder. I relaxed finally then my exhaustion finally won, and I passed out right there on that balcony.