13 13 || Paranoid

Hi! My name is Riana, and I hate being left alone...

Why?

Maybe it's more a little understanding if I'd let myself flashback to it.

~Flashback~

Grade 7 (@ GAA)

Me and Rosie has been friends since 2nd grade. But not that really close.

This year lang kami nagkalapit. Then... Pinakilala nya sakin si Mira. My first impression to her wasn't that good. I don't want to tell it. Kasi masyadong harsh.

Di nag tagal nang buwan, me and Mira had our first fight. Masyadong mababaw kung mapapansin ang reason nang away. Maybe, I'm just being sensitive.

Pero, mga ilang buwan. Lagi nalang kaming dalawa ang nag-aaway. Pero Rosie know kung sino ang tama.

Mira is a kind of person na, di madaling matuto. You need to point out her flaws. At pag pinopoint-out mo, parang ikaw pa ang lumalabas na masama. (Not gonna lie about it, sorry)

Pero after all, nagkaka-ayos naman kami. Our relationship is strong. Kaso, I have to leave.

Kailangan ko'ng pumunta nang ibang bansa. Kahit ayaw ko... kailangan.

Rosie already knew it, pero di pa rin talaga mahihibsan ang sakit. Especially, ilang taon na din kayo nagkasama. Even though when it comes to Mira... Nakaka-ano pa rin talaga sa pakiramdam.

It's hard to have a long distance friendship. But I'm glad that, our connection didn't stop there.

Kaso, syempre may kinatatakutan parin. At ayaw kong mangyari yun.

Kaso... Mukhang pinaglaro nga talaga nang tadhana.

Mayroong nakilala si Mira, new friend ba kung tawagin natin. Then... sabi nang kaibigan nya. She wants to call her, kaso naka-call kaming tatlo that time. Then we decided, why not trying to add her in the call, but not in the group.

And then...

Or I mean...

Since then...

Lagi na syang sumasama... I'm not mad. I'm not jealous.

I'm just a-afraid...

Natatakot ako na baka...

Papalitan nila ako sa kanya. Dahil mas malapit sya.

Dahil mas naging malapit din sya kay Mira.

Kaso di nila napansin na... Nababalot na ako nang takot.

Well, there are times na tinatanong nila ako kung 'ayos ka lang ba?'. Pero syempre, I don't want them to worry about me. Kaya sinasabi ko na 'okay lang ako'. And while I'm typing those words. Tears are slowly dropping.

"Paranoid? Natatakot lang... Natatakot ako na... Darating yung time na... You guys will forget about me"

Few months past...

Yung dating group chat naming tatlo, naging messages ko nalang sa sarili ko. Minsan nalang sila nagcha-chat doon. I think they are busy talking to her.

Nakakahiya naman maka-abala.

And I guess, that thought has really come true...

'O-okay lang a-ako?'

...

Hays... I deep sigh to myself...

Atleast masaya na sila. You don't have to worry about them anymore. Yun naman gusto mo diba? Makamove-on sila sa memories na kasama ka. Kasi di mo kayang makita silang umiiyak dahil sayo.

-End of flashback-

Di ko na kaya pang balikan...

Nasobrahan naman ata yung pagkalimot nila sakin...

Sobrang nasobrahan...

(Im really sorry kung magulo sya... hehe... but I hope you get what I mean)