1 18.

DISCLAIMER: The following One-Shot contains sensitive topics, such as: verbal and physical violence, mentions of addiction (alcohol, tobacco), mentions of blood (wounds, cuts), strong language, etcetera. Reader discretion is advised.

Genre(s): Drama, little bit of angst, low-key rom-com.

"Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts, no. You are all that I've got, no."

~Doubt, by Twenty One Pilots.

Childhood friends AU.

Conan's POV.

[ F L A S H B A C K ]

"Come on, Gavin!" The woman in front of me whimpers, puffing her cigarette quite violently; I quickly glance over my best friend, his hands are trembling and little tears are falling into his math homework. "Six times two! It's not fucking hard!"

I cover my ears and close my eyes shut as I hear a bottle of whiskey being thrown at my best friend; after she leaves, I rush to his side to help him tend the new wounds and bruises she left on him today. He sobs and hugs me tightly.

"I wish I could've done something before she hurt you." I whisper, staring at him. I gasp as I see a deep cut, right on the bridge of his nose. "Y-Your nose!"

"It's fine." He mumbles, pulling a piece of glass off his own nose. "I-I'm fine."

"D-Don't ever do that again!" I say in a shaky voice as he stares at the bloody glass that he pulled out of his nose. I sigh and open my arms so he can hug me once again. "You don't need to hide from me, you know?" I mumble quietly, licking my own thumb to clean the dry blood off of his face. "I'll always be your friend. No matter what."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

I sigh and break the hug a little, standing up and walking towards the kitchen, making sure not to step on a broken glass; she fell asleep on the kitchen's floor, although she might have overdosed again. My blood feels cold suddenly as I reach out my hand to grab the phone and call the police. They arrive soon after and take her in, since I finally managed to call them at the right time.

Pieces of glass of the whiskey bottle spread around the living room, a really deep cut on my best friend's nose and her being overdosed on the kitchen's floor should be enough and do the trick. My mom soon arrives to the DPD, hugging us both as she makes tons of questions, really worried, since she had no idea about Ms. Reed's addiction and her being abusive towards my best friend.

Mom offered our house as a temporary shelter, and he's been living with me for 20 years now. He's been my best friend since I have memory; and whenever I'm with him, I feel peace and eternal safety, as if he was the only thing missing in my life. My mom's death was destroying, for both of us, for two simple reasons: she was the most caring and loving woman I've ever met; and two, she took him in and nearly raised him as her own son.

[ E N D O F F L A S H B A C K ]

"Remember that night when you got all shaky and afraid because I pulled the glass off of my nose?" He says, interrupting my train of thoughts, with a giggle as he stares down at his hands. I gulp and nod. "You're still afraid of blood, needles and shit like that, aren't you?

"O-Of course I am!" I stutter. "You were freaking 7 or 8 when you did that! And so was I! How was I not supposed to be afraid if my fucking best friend had just pulled a goddamn glass off of his own nose at such a young age like it was nothing?!"

"I'm badass, just admit it." He says with a smile as he watches TV. I smile, staring at him. Badass and beautiful, I must say. "Quit staring, dummy. I hate it when people stare at me for long."

"I know. I do it on purpose." I giggle as he punches my shoulder, half playfully, half seriously. "But, on a serious manner..."

"I don't want to talk about her." He interrupts me, looking away, back to the TV. "I've told you countless of times: I believe that she took all that... violent and strict conduct because she wanted me to be the best. That's all."

"You were just a kid!" I growl, clearly annoyed. "The end does not justifies the means!"

"I'm not having this talk with you for 106th time, Conan. Plus, that's not how the saying goes." He says, walking towards the kitchen. "I told you what I believe, and I hold onto my position."

"And now it's my turn to tell you what I believe." I grumble as I grab his arm; he flinches at my touch, but I don't let go. "You were just a kid, and I know you'll hate me forever for calling the cops on her. But I wasn't going to see my best friend die in front of me! Unlike you, I know what a good mother was!" I breath heavily as he gasps and tries to back away from me; I don't let go. "She would always hold my hand when I was afraid, she would always reassure me that everything was going to be fine, she would always support me! Actually, you lived with my mother! You can see the difference for yourself!"

"Stop it!" He growls, violently pushing me away.

"My mother loved us, for fuck's sake! Can't you see? Your mother...!"

"Don't you dare!"

"... never loved you!"

He finally gets out of my grip and pushes me away, storming towards his room.

"Gavin! Wait- I didn't mean that! I don't know..." I quickly follow him and I stop right in front of his room; he pounds the door closed as soon as I try to get in. "... what came over me." I complete in a whisper. "Gavin, please... Let's talk about this."

"There's fucking nothing to talk about, spoiled brat!" He growls from the other side of the door. "You had a nice and happy childhood, I get it! There's no need to fucking rub it in my face, you know?!"

"I didn't mean what I said." I mumble against the door, placing my forehead in it.

"Then why did you say it in the first place?" He growls, clearly at verge of tears. Nice one, Conan. "You seriously need to control those impulsive words, you know? If I didn't know you as I do, I'd say you're trying to get rid of me."

"I would never..." I back away a little bit from the door, low-key offended for what he said.

"I know, dumb fuck." He finally opens the door and I quickly raise my eyes to his. "I'm always going to have a weak spot for those ocean puppy eyes, aren't I?"

"What can I say? I have that effect on people." I smile. He rolls his eyes in annoyance. "But I'm seriously sorry, I don't know why I've been experiencing this... impulses of literally saying what I'm thinking. I... I'm really sorry, rat."

He sighs. "It's fine, nerd. Just... try not to mention her when the impulse takes over you, alright?"

"Yes, sir." I say. "Can I come in now?"

"Do I have another option other than letting you in?"

"Not really."

"Then why do you ask? You need to stop saying/asking pointless shit around me, dummy."

"Pfft. Alright then." I laugh. He smiles at me as I walk inside his room. "Can I... tell you something? I've been holding back, but I can't do it anymore."

"You know you can tell me anything, Conan." He says, sitting on his bed looking away from me.

"I... Um." I pause, fidgeting. "How can I tell you this?"

"You can start by using words instead of weird sounds." He rolls his eyes.

"I'm serious about this." I start. "I've... I've had feelings for you since we were 18." I pause and look at the ground. "And I know that this isn't the best confession I've ever made to you, but it is perhaps the most important one." I take a deep breath and continue. "I... never imagined falling for my best friend, but... here I am, hehe." I giggle awkwardly as he stares back at me. I gulp when I see pure fear of commitment in his eyes. "Oh, crap." I curse. "I fucked it up big time, didn't I?"

"I-I think you did." He stutters as he falls off the bed, trying to back away from me. "L-Listen I... don't... I mean, I love you, but..."

"But? Ouch. Thanks for that." I mumble, looking away from him. "Um, can we pretend this never happened? We've done that before, right? Pretending, I mean. Like the time we cuddled together ~you being the little spoon, of course~ out of mere curiosity, or those curious little kisses we gave to each other in the lips just to find out if we were gay or not? Or the time we kissed each other with our eyes open to find out what was so special about seeing the other person's eyes disturbingly close? I-It's a-almost the same, right?"

"Fuck- can you stop with the embarrassing moments and hear me out for a sec?" He growls, standing up. I look away immediately.

"I-I guess so." I say, holding back my tears.

"Hey, hey." He whispers, walking towards me and looking concerned. A tear finally rolls down my cheek. "Don't cry, nerd. I haven't even gave you my speech yet."

He cups my face in his hands, but I back away. "Can you please start your speech then?"

"Alright." He backs away a little too and sighs. "I... fuck." He pauses and looks at me. "Since we were little, you've always been my knight in shining armor. You were/and still are always there for me, even when I'm not feeling like talking to you, you just stay there, in silence, keeping me company. Even when I push yo away, you give me the space I need. Even when I don't apologize for making a huge mistake, you understand and you give me the space I need to figure my shit out and apologize when I'm ready to. You've always dealt with my mood swings and identity/sexuality issues. And I'm forever grateful for meeting you." He pauses to stare at my watery eyes; I smile. "You were my savior and anchor, and you will always be. It may seem that I hate you for calling the cops on my mom, but truth to be told: I wasn't ready to accept the fact that you were just trying to help. I honestly thought you were as fake as the other people around me, or that you were just getting rid of her because you didn't like her." He giggles. "But now I see that you were just protecting me, and taking care of me. I'm forever in debt with you and your mom for taking me into the place I can now call home. Long story short, and after making both of us cry, all I want to say is... I want to be with you."

"Eh?"

"Don't make me repeat myself, you dumb fuck." He growls as I stare at him. He violently wipes his tears away and I smile wider.

"But you said you didn't like my kiss when we made out like ten years ago..."

"You're so dumb! Didn't you hear the speech that I just made? It all came from my heart, you idiot!"

"Alright, alright. I'll shut up... for now.

After a long pause, he finally says: "I know what I said about me not liking your kiss or about me not being gay, but we both know that it was a complete and shameless lie and that I was just insecure about my sexuality." He sighs. "But... after the lecture I just gave you, don't you think it'll be awkward? Like you said, we've shared tons of embarrassing moments, just like the ones you mention before that I don't ever want to hear about again." He emphasizes the word ever.

"Well, I just think they're funny moments and that they'll bring us even closer." I say. "I must admit some of them are quite embarrassing, but hey- friendships are boring without this type of embarrassing moments your best friend can use as a blackmail, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so." He smiles slightly. "But you are also my first and only friend. If we ever get to break up, who...?" He pauses for a moment. "Who am I supposed to turn to? You're not only my best friend at this point; you're literally the only person I have, now that Mom passed, and my biological mom's in jail. Well, she was never really there for me, so she technically doesn't count."

"Some couples break up and end up in really good terms." I state, trying to be positive.

"We're not some couples, Conan. What we have is already really special to me." He says, raising an eyebrow. I sigh.

"You're right, but since we know each other perfectly, we might as well blackmail the other with the most embarrassing moment they have in case one of us wants to leave!"

"That's the worst idea you've ever had." He giggles. "Plus, psychology says that couples who understand perfectly their significant other end up breaking up because of that."

"Psychology never said that."

"Well, I did."

"That's the dumbest excuse you've ever made." I raise an eyebrow. "If you don't want to be with me, and I don't want you to be with me just because you pity me, then we can always pretend this never happened-"

He joins our lips suddenly; the kiss itself sends shivers down my spine, but it only gets worse when his arms snake around my neck to bring me closer to him. I kiss back, complete and utterly flustered. Is this what being lovesick feels like?

He pulls away and I pout, wrapping my arms around his waist to ~demandingly~ bring him closer to me.

"That's it? That's what you call a kiss, you 'badass' boy?" I tease with a smile. He pretends to be offended and giggles.

"That's all you're getting for being mean, idiot."

"Crap."

He joins our foreheads with a smile. "I love you, nerd."

"I love you more, rat." I smile. "And, being as honest as I am, Mom used to tell me you were in love with me for longer that she remembered."

"W-What?"

"Oh? So Mom was right?"

"Shut up."

* * *

The idea of them being childhood friends and then lovers just popped into my head and well-

Here it is! Hoped you enjoyed. :)