1 When it started

The sun was shining bright on our faces as we were looking at the television.

"Mr van Wyk made a great choice for his father's company and by the look of things the company will be running for many more years to come. Good job Mr and Mrs van Wyk, you made our country proud." The news woman said as they showed a picture of my mother and father on the side to show the viewer's.

Cheers erupted from my mum and brother, proud smiles on their faces.

"Okay settle down now, I know y'all are excited but settle down." Dad said chuckling. As everyone settled down a smile spread on my face with a warm feeling in my chest, mum grabbed the camera that was beside her and snapped a picture of all of us together as a family.

My brother Charlie with his curly dirty blonde hair and deep brown eyes, wearing a blue shirt with red shorts was on my mother's lap, Hellen, who has long brown hair that was in a high ponytail, deep brown eyes that shined with excitement wearing a yellow off the shoulder dress that made her look like a teen.

My father John who had green eyes and silky blonde hair ,wearing a red shirt with blue shorts and on his lap was my sister Bella with her curly brown hair with natural blond highlights which was in two pigtails wearing a blue dress. And in the middle was me ,Cassandra, with my curly brown hair that reached my shoulders and a red dress.

Charlie, Bella and I are threeplets. And we do have our differences like our hair for example and how Charlie is two inches taller than us. Bella is the talkative one while I was talkative around people I know. Charlie is also very confident and he spreads happiness like he created it. Physically me and my sister look alike but not the hair and I was a little bit fat.

My father owns a jewelry company, which is now the biggest one in the country. My mother on the other hand is a fashion designer she makes clothes out of nothing, and make them into something. She once made a beautiful cocktail dress with black plastic bags and that made people go crazy.

"Cass, do you want cake?" Bella asked as she was in the kitchen, not realising that she was not on father's lap anymore.

"No thank you." I said making my voice audible enough for her to hear me.

"Cassandra are you okay? You haven't had anything to eat science this morning." Mother said as she sat down with a cold beverage in her hand.

"I'm not hungry mum, maybe later." Which was a huge lie, I was actually starving.

She sighed but said nothing. As Bella came back with a huge slice of cake and she sat down next to me and looked at me in the eyes.

" It's okay Cass, just a little bit and I'll eat the rest." She said.

"I'm fine thanks." I said quietly looking away from her

" I can't hear you Cass speak louder." She said.

I looked at her annoyed. " I said I'm-" I didn't get to finish what I was about to say as she stuffed a big piece of cake in my mouth. I look at her with shock in my eyes as my tongue blocked the cake from reaching my stomach.

"Mum she doesn't wanna swallow!" Bella yelled directing her words to our mother.

"Cass just a small bit of cake. When was the last time you ate?" Mum asked her eyes glossy. That made me feel guilty, the feeling of warmth that was there was replaced with guilt. The guilt of not wanting to eat, I haven't eaten a proper meal in weeks. Stuffing myself with water and fruits did not help lessen my hunger for food.

"Yesterday." I lied to her.

"She's lying, she spent the whole day studying and reading books while I was playing videogames." Charlie said to her, giving me a disapproving look.

"Cass." Mum said softly.

I took the piece of cake that I spit out and put it back in my mouth, and swallowing it this time. Taking other large piece and stuffing it in my mouth closing my eyes as I swallowed hard."Are y'all happy now?" I asked standing up and going to the bathroom.

Like I have been doing for 6 months, I take my hand and put it deep inside my mouth until I feel the contents in my stomach rising up, I vomit it all out. Pain, that's what it feels like, not only physically but mentally also.

Feeling light headed after vomiting I shakingly stood up and rinsed my mouth with water before drinking. The water slowly easing the trobing pain in my throat.

Looking myself in the mirror, I see a tired girl with bags under her eyes, a loss of colour in her cheeks. Eyes red and empty, how can one look this lost?

I just have to remind myself that it will be worth it in the end. I will be free from hate. I will be happy once more.

If I loss a couple of kilograms, I will be free.

And maybe then will people show respect towards me. Maybe then will I be worth being loved and be treated as an equal.

I will be able to wear whatever I want without feeling insecure. I will be more presentable.

In the end all of this will be worth it, I know it will.

It just has to be.

I was just 11 years old at the time. Yeah, I was really young wasn't I? When it all started, the start of self hate.

We really have a long way to go people, so put on your seat belt and helmet. Snacks will be provided for the ride and hold on tight this is going to be more than just a roller-coaster ride.

And please don't forget to enjoy the ride.

It will be worth it in the end. Trust me, and that is saying a lot coming from me, the rain cloud.

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