4 First time after birth

I am trapped. I can not move. I can not speak. I only hear noise going on around me. Focus on the sounds, I'm trying but they are muffled. Maybe if I try harder.

"She only broke her arm...leg. Shouldn't she be..."

I can not hear properly. I do not even recognise the voices. But the voices are close.

"She does not have brain damage at all. Why is she not waking up?It does not make sense."

"Maybe it is brain trauma. Many of the young ones fall into comas because of them. Just wheel her in with the rest, she will be alright. Howeverwe can not fullytell until she wakes up."

"Got it. But I do not think she is in a coma, her body is responding just fine. I think she just needs time to rest more."

I feel an inch in my foot but I can't move to scratch it. Trying harder I manage to flutter my eyes a little to adjust from the light.

My throat is super dry I am even afraid to make a sound, it might hurt, but I have to if I want my leg to be stretched. I can't inch this much, what did they put on my leg? Argh!

"Cassandra..."

That is dad's voice.

"Can you hear me?" A soft sigh is released. " Every one else is also asleep. The doctors say that you and your brother jumped out the car before the crash. I should have been there. I should have been beside her, driving like I always do."

He jumped out with me? Throughout us growing up Charlie has been beside me every step of the way, whether it be the right or wrong way. I am not surprised that he followed me this time but now he is hurt. It could have been worse though. He could have been in flames with the rest of the car. He could have died and I don't like that though at all, it is way too painful. I want to be with him right now though. I have to see him.

I try to move my eyes again and they flutter slightly. After adjusting to the light I see my dad looking at me. He tilts his head to the right indicating to the jar of water next to him. I nod and he hands me a cup of water.

"I'm glad that you are awake ,Cassandra. The doctors were starting to worry." There's no trace of relief on his face, like he was not worried if I'd wake up or not. I'm used to it though, I'm always going to come last to him. While the others have not awaken yet, it's like nothing even happened.

Like it wouldn't have affected anything if I would have been in flames like the rest of the car. I'm pretty sure he is way more disappointed that the car got damaged. Mor disappointed in moms driving and getting her most loved daughter in the hospital.

Looking at dad now, I see how he would have rather been with her than me. I would not have minded though. He takes her to all the balls, all the amusement parks and all the fancy things he gets invited to. Who could blame him though, she is clever and much more beautiful than me. She gets more valentine's gifts from the boys in our grade. Stunning, that's what she is.

I look away from dad and I feel a lone tear escaping my eye. My legs hurt, but not as much as my right one whichis in a cast. My arm is rapped nicely with a white cloth.

"Where is Charlie?" I ask softly.

"He is in the floor below. You know if it wasn't for you Charlie would have not been in this state. He wouldn't be in hospital right now as we speak. None of them would have. To think if you did not upset your mother and did as she told you, you would not have been in here and would have probably been at school learning like everyone else. Everyone knows that you need as much education as you can get. If they will not ever wake up though, know that it is all your fault. Everything. Cause you think that the world revolves around you. Well it does not Cassandra. It just does not." After he said all that he stormed out of the room.

I know it is not my fault. I did nothing wrong, if mom just told us what was wrong and slowed down like I told her from the start we all would not have been here. We would have not been laying in hospital beds praying to get better. We would have been at home, watching television shows like we would always do.

But dad see's all of this as my fault, like I was the one who told mom to drive fast and crash into a truck. I was not. He does not see it though. How could I ever do something like that to my own family?

Why would I upset mom, I don't like seeing her upset and if I knew that I was the reason for it I would have apologized immediately so that we could avoid all of this. But I did not know this would happen. If only I knew though. If only there were something I could have done to stop her.

There was nothing I could do to stop her though, I tried telling her. We all did, but she didn't stop and now the blame is on me. Everything is all my doing. The driving, speeding, crashing and ending up in hospital. I did that, I would not.

Dad has always seen me as a problem and everything wrong that happens is my doing. I don't even know what I did, but it is that was and I do not believe I can change it.

I have never been to the hospital before, it's very quite in here. Well it is not really my first time being here it is my first time after birth.