Chapter 2

“You jerk,” Jordan had said, walking across the room and pulling Neil up from his chair and into a hug. “Don’t you get it? It’s because being with you is more important to me than working as a vet right now. I’ll get a job as a vet next year after you’re done with your postgrad, and we decide where we’re going to live. Neil, I’d do anything just so we don’t have to say goodbye.”

Neil shook his head, letting the memory go. He got up and went back to packing. How had he missed the fact that while he thought of their relationship as a great friendship, Jordan seemed to be on a different page?

I shoulda done something about it then, he thought to himself. But I was so freaked, I had no idea he had feelings like that for me. I didn’t know what to do. But I shoulda done something.

Neil recalled how later that same night, when he and Jordan had gone to bed, Jordan initiated what he’d called celebratory sex—sex to celebrate they wouldn’t have to be separated. The sex was spectacular, and while it was in progress Neil came to the realization that the great sex he had shared with Jordan over the years wasn’t only because of the excessively active libidos of two virile, young men. It was passion that was emotionally driven. What Neil had thought of as two horny guys having passionate sex, Jordan had viewed as two lovers making passionate love.

Neil turned from his suitcase and went to the bathroom to gather his toiletries. Hell!It’s not my fault, Neil thought defensively as he put his toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, and a razor into his leather overnight case. Jordan never once actually said, ‘I love you’. We never made any kind of verbal commitment to each other, so how was I to know? Was I supposed to read his mind? Hell, I never even realized Jordan’d planned on us living together after my extra year in postgrad was finished.

Going back into the bedroom, he let his mind return to that night once more. After they’d finished having sex, Jordan had snuggled against Neil, prattling on about how great it was that the two of them were going to be able to stay together after all. In a little while Jordan fell asleep.

Neil hadn’t been able to sleep, however. As he held Jordan in his arms, he’d tried to put a positive spin on the situation. Jordan was handsome, they had great sex, and Neil already liked him very much. He and Neil had lots in common: both were vets and loved animals, both loved the outdoors, both enjoyed sports, and both liked the same kinds of food and movies. Neil knew he could do a lot worse than Jordan. Was it such a stretch for Neil to go from liking Jordan to loving him? Why not just let it take its natural course and let the relationship develop?

But it didn’t develop, Neil thought as he sat down on his bed, looking at his half-packed suitcase. There was always something missing—some spark I always thought would be there when I met that special man. The one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

As Neil’s extended postgrad went on, it became increasingly clear that his feelings for Jordan weren’t changing. Jordan was a great guy, but Neil wasn’t coming any closer to falling in love with him. On one level he did love Jordan, but not in that special way that Neil had envisioned he would feel for a life partner.

However, Neil had let it go too far. Clearly, Jordan was oblivious to the fact that his feelings for Neil were not being reciprocated. Jordan was totally content and happy. He continued to talk of what they would do after Neil’s studies were completed. Jordan never seemed to notice that Neil never invested himself in those conversations. Neil didn’t see any way out of the situation without hurting Jordan. Then one day while reading a professional veterinarian journal, a possible solution presented itself.

It had been a rainy, Saturday afternoon. He was reading The Journal of Equine Veterinary Science. While paging through the journal he passed the classified section and an ad leapt out at him. It was for a summer position as an equine veterinarian, and it was on an island hundreds of miles away from Texas. He suddenly had a thought. Since neither Jordan or I’ve never actually said I love you, maybe if I go away for a while, it will all cool off. Jordan will find someone and move on.

Neil had gone to his computer and found the site listed in the ad. He immediately filled out the application for the position and, without hesitation, clicked on submit.