1 Chapter 1 – Prologue-1

'Life passes by.

Looking at it from far away, unable to change what I know is a must.

As if it's not mine, but I know that it is and I am the captain of that ship if you will.

But….

But where do I start taking the reins in my hand?

How do I even begin? Everything seems so difficult.'

This is how my days were spent, as I wasted my life after school and thought of change but didn't act on it. The fleeting moments of motivation than the spiral of self-hatred and self-loathing, the habits that destroyed me taking over, and the cycle that just doesn't stop. I admit that I was not a good son nor a good brother and that I have so many regrets that they can't be listed. I often wondered is this how depression feels, to feel and know that you are not enough, wanting to change but not being able to control yourself, feeling yourself falling deeper? But I changed.

I didn't lose to my addiction, my cowardice, and my unhealthy habits I rose above them and started to change, I took control of my ship and started towards a new horizon. I was going to be a good son, though my mother always said I already was, 'Hah...' Dad just scoffed and scolded but never gave up on me. I was going to be a proud brother whom my brother would show off to everyone 'Ha-ha…' I even started studying. I wa....-*Wheeze*

'So God, ..... why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

WHY are they crying? Hey Dad, you are not supposed to cry. When did you even have tears? And mom I am ok you know. I was just a light hit. I am fine. I mean my legs may not work due to spine injury but it's ok. Max, tell them I am fine. Hey, Max why are you staring at me like that? Say something!'

Crying to my family as they watched me getting carried away to the OR, I watched as the door closed and the eerie red light lit the dimly lit white corridors.

'Wait. How can I see the door?' I realized. As I stared at the door that led to the OR that I am supposed to be in. I lowered my head to the ground to see my feet bare and pale as the dough my mom used to make, it was an ok pizza but 'don't let mom know' I giggled.

'FOCUS!' I screamed in my mind. Then I turned my head to watch my mother cry, my father sob, and Max stare blankly at the door. Something started to break in my chest, a dark feeling rose as I watched my father, lean against the wall holding my mom.

Slowly reaching out to my brother with shaking pale hands and I watched as my trembling hand passed through him and the wall. Looking at the scene that was not possible, the dark and twisted feeling rose through the roof as I sat down in disbelief and despair as the realization began to set in.

Watching as my family broke down as the doctor got out and shared his condolences, again the hysteria of my mother started, and as the pillar of my family, my father, crumbled and broke down. The debris of a once optimistic family, that I was part of destroying itself as I sat there seeing it all, the love, the grief, the dejection, the anger, and the unwilling acceptance.

Sitting there, still unable to accept the obvious my mind wandered to all my memories from my birth to my first walk then my first word, my first crush, my decisions, my mistakes, my worries, my regrets, my shame, my determination, my desires, and my despair. 'Why?' I questioned no one as I was sitting alone after my family left. 'Why now? Why not before while I was wasting my life away? Why now that I started to change for the better? .... Why?' I thought.

Suddenly, the dimly lit corridor flashed, and blinked for my eyes to readjust. Looking around to find I was in a large field in a queue of sorts with a line of blurry white silhouettes ahead of me and many flashing in behind me. 'Must be hell' I thought seeing the dreary landscape with a black river flowing beside us. 'Well, fitting I guess' I sighed

'It's going to be a long wait' looking at the pace at which the queue was moving I thought 'has the torture already started?'

The long queue with no ends in sight just made my thoughts go deeper to my memories that were all vividly imprinted in my mind like a movie. After some time feeling something different, I looked around. There were blue dots floating around all over the area and other silhouettes could see them too judging from their reactions. So with nothing to do, I began poking at the dots that seem to disappear when I touch them.

'Mana? Ha-ha according to all those fan fiction and novels that seems to be it, and if the stories are to be believed then absorbing these is always-…. I mean Mostly good'

With nothing better to do and to distract me from going down the depressing route, I began absorbing them. The refreshing feeling when I took in about a dozen just made me more eager.

'At least all those time spent reading dumb fan fiction is useful. See dad I was not a total waste of time, even if it was not useful in life in death I shall be immortal!! *cough* I mean it was a useful and fully calculated use of time'*sob* *sob* 'sorry dad'

Days passed and my monotonous life of thinking, crying, trying to talk to other silhouettes, and failing and absorbing mana continued until-

*Boom* *Boom*

Something happened, and it looked like a cliché prison break. I mean literally, men and women with cliché prison attire, orange jumpsuits with black stripes carrying hammers and crowbars, ran past me into the river with the man in front of the group chanting gibberish, opening a portal, and disappearing into it. Then came cartoonish creatures like imps with hounds frothing lava and opened another portal and disappeared.

Standing there with my mouth wide open while this somewhat comedic scene came to be a thought came to my mind that perfectly summed up my thoughts

'Wtf??'