4 Steven's Last Day

Sometimes I feel old. Sometimes like a crooked man. On rainy days I feel happy. On sunny days, not so much. Today, I don't feel anything. I only run as fast as I can. I run through scorching deserts and jungle feared spaces. However, I only run inside my mind. Trying and trying to find my soul in these lifeless walls, where reason has never entered. Breathing up and down, restlessly without having both of my eyes closed I go to bed. This night and so much every other one. I believably get out the cross from my pocket and place it on my chest so I could hold it tight while going through the motion of searching the deepest parts of me-just to find a true resemblance to that of which they place a label called 'being normal'.

Tomorrow is that day. Our doctor Jafar and my good-on-the-outside parents will determine what will happen with me. Either five more years in this reckless asylum or out in the real world, where fresh air is taken for granted. Picking my belongings I catch a glimpse of my roommate who is upset that now his favorite person will be gone.

"Don't go. He whispers under his breath. "Please don't go."

"I have to Dimitri. Don't worry. I am sure they'll bring a new one here."

"They won't bring someone like you." Dimitri's lips made a wavy motion, trying not to cry.

"Hey, soon they will release you too and we will be together in the outside world. You'll see." I crouched before him.

"They'll never release me. You know that... deep down." He got up and slammed the door leaving me alone with my thoughts.

"He's got a point I thought. Who knows if I am ever going out of this place?"

I take a stroll through the crazy corridors. Voices come from left and right. Screams, laughs, and murmurs. All together neatly intertwined together, creating this mixture of something not being right. As if the air is filled with something vile. Of all the twisted things residing in here, the most that bothers me is the newcomers. You can never know what to expect from them. Their screams always remind me when I first came here. I remember wanting to die so badly until I met Dimitri- the only light and escape from this place.

I go to our 'chief's' office where tomorrow my 'angelic' parents are to pick me up if all goes according to plan. My peaceful glimmer is all of a sudden ruined by my biggest enemy in here- Johanna. She always wants to make my life more miserable than it already is.

"Hey Steve. I hear they're letting you out."

"You've heard well Johanna." I smile bitterly.

"I feel sorry for those outside who will encounter this excuse of a creature calling himself human." She scans me from head to toe.

"Keep your opinions for me to yourself. I won't let you ruin my day!" I run away from this snake through the corridor and into our so called 'living room'. Where at first glance I see my good neighbor Mila. Mila is a Russian woman that has cut off her boyfriend's love muscle, but I don't care. She is a nice woman. Full of wisdom.

"Hey Mila." I try to keep a positive face, but my voice betrays me.

"Hey Steve. What is it?"

"It's Johanna..." I sigh.

"She's been bothering you again?"

"Yes. It almost feels as if she is following me everywhere."

"Ignore her. You should be happy. You leave tomorrow, no?"

"I hope so."

You should be more happy. Think positive!" Mila concluded in her rough Russian accent.

"I will Mila. I will!" Seeing that Johanna is nowhere in the corridor I quickly get back in my room where I find Dimitri thrown on my bed crying.

"Dimitri, what? Oh my god..." I go and hug him so tight I think my heart is going to explode.

"I just can't help it." Dimitri shakes heavenly.

We sit in silence hugging each other for what it seems an hour. I barely keep my tears falling from my eyes. And I pray that no one comes inside and sees us like this because things might get trickier.

"I don't want you to leave." Dimitri says under his breath.

"I won't, Dimitri I won't." My last attempt not to cry fails. I explode like a waterfall in a stormy weather. And tightly holding him, we fall asleep.

I see myself wandering through a cold desert. It is nightfall and it is very cold. I see a door stuck in the sands and there is no handle on it. I desperately try to open it with my bare hands. Scratching and hitting it, resulting in only bloody hands. All of a sudden on the other side of the door I hear a pleasant knock and a soft calling of my name.

I wake up from the repeated knocks on the door.

"Steven Brian Vegas!" One of the nurses yells my name and enters inside as a bandit. "They are waiting for you."

In all that confusion and my half-asleep mind, she grabs me by the hand and pushes me outside of our room.

"I'll collect your stuff." She says this as she slams the door in front of my face.

Another nurse calls me from the corridor as another walks besides me telling what a good boy I've been in my stay here. In all that confusion I see the door of the office open where my beloved mother and father are standing, awaiting to collect my soul. Besides them is our Doctor Jafar.

Now my body freezes. I try to move, but I can't. All I want to is to go back in Dimitri's arms, but from what I see that isn't going to happen. Because the doctor has this huge smile on his face, a smile I have only seen once before.

They have paid him. Bastards... I conclude.

"Come Steven." My mother hands over her hand as it is supposed to be God's and if I am supposed to take it so willingly.

"I'm not coming." I reply very boldly.

This unexpected answer catches them by surprise and my mother isn't having it.

"But you must! Now you'll be free and together with us." My mother's vein starts dancing on her forehead.

"I'll never be free!" I throw this enraging scream at her.

"Steven, my boy." The doctor intervenes with his calming voice. Why don't you come inside my office?"

Seeing that the nurses are standing from both of my sides ready to carry me forcefully to him I start walking and breathing so heavily that I think my heart is going to explode.

Far away and yet so close from that little drama in the hall way, all of us sit inside the doctor's office.

"Tell me Steven, do you know? Why are you placed in this institution?"

"Because I have a failure of parents. "

"Blaming the others is so easy, don't you think?"

"Depends on the circumstances." I threw a look of despise at him.

"Such as?"

"When your father is a cheater and your mother a drug addict, only then do come and lecture me about blaming."

On this I looked at both of them, and both were staring through the windows having their stupid facade faces and forced smiles as if everything was okay.

"But we agreed on our last meeting that they hadn't done anything of that nature."

"Did we?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Hmm. He looked me under his eye. Do try to see the problem within yourself. I must hear your rational thinking. Then again you're getting out today, surely I must be convinced that you are ready for the world outside these doors."

"Haven't I convinced you over and over these couple of weeks Mr. Jafar?" My teeth screeched.

"You are a sharp fellow, Steven. Well then answer me this simple question: have you ever question your reality?"

"Not once! But now sitting in here with you I start to question if you're more insane than the rest of us!"

"Enough!" My mother intervened. "Here!" She threw a pig pile of money onto the doctor's lap. And grabbed me by my hand. "Good day!"

She slammed the door and we went to our car. My legs were going with full speed. I didn't even know why I didn't try to fight or complain. I was morbidly unbothered.

I turned my head to see the mental asylum for perhaps the last time, trying to catch a glimpse of Dimitri somewhere, anywhere. Inside the car my parents were going through the long list of the prescriptions for me. That didn't interest me. My mind was focused on the streets, the trees and children playing outside, and I'm not going to lie it did spark a joy seeing the world once again in my lonely heart. In that long ride I heard my parents talking to me like through fog and the atmosphere was more than awkward. Arriving at the porch of their little white house I immediately jumped from the car and went inside the house and straight to my haven- my room.

I opened the door and to my surprise I saw him. Him who makes my life better, him who I would kill for, him the reason why I get out of bed every day, my one and only Dimitri.

"You're here... " He jumped from my bed. Don't ever leave me again!"

"I'm never leaving you again. I promise." I whispered under my breath.

We both lied down on my bed and watched the blue sky from my big white window. And talked about how this world is a crazy one until the blue sky turned black.