Frustrations (2)

Caleb's POV

I felt her shift in her seat next to me and resisted the urge to adjust myself. My hands tightened on the steering wheel, feeling oddly embarassed at my own stupidity.

It was slowly becoming a familiar feeling whenever this girl was around. Somehow, I seemed bound to indulge in some form of idiocy or the other in front of her.

I actually cringed a little remembering my crude jokes. That was not how I had planned to keep things between us.

After this morning, I had felt a strange disquiet within me. The nightmare this time was just as vivid as the rest of them but somehow had a real quality to it, unlike all the previous ones before.

It felt like I could still smell the leather inside that car, mingled with another feminine smell and I felt goose bumps erupt on my skin, that was thankfully hidden by my jacket sleeves.

This was new. And disturbing. I felt like a lock was getting painfully wretched open and there was nothing I could do except endure it.

Adding to the fact that I felt I was on the verge of getting unhinged, was another fact that I couldn't keep Ruth out of my mind, no matter how fucking hard I tried.

**

This morning

Even though my eyes were on the scenic dawn occuring just behind the gazebo, I could feel every shuffle of her feet as she walked into the room, closing the door gently behind her.

The pain radiated off my feet, slowly travelling up my legs, but all I could think about was her flushed face as she had looked at me outside. Even stuck somewhere between dream and reality, I could see her clearly, shining like a beacon, pulling me back towards what was real.

All I had wanted to do was pull her to me, bury my face into her unruly hairs and forget the rest of the world. Somehow, her very presence promised calm. And so I had gone for it, acting more on instinct than actually thinking. Until reality came knocking, to wake me up in its usual, cruel way.

Even thinking about it now made me clench my hands on the armrest to stop myself from acting on this weird instinct to be close to her and I closed my eyes, focusing on the pain in my feet to pull me uselessly out of my thoughts of her.

I say uselessly because, 30 minutes later I found myself standing near the bed, watching her snuggle into my pillow as she slept. As I watched, she buried her nose into the pillow, breathing it in, a soft smile lighting up her beautiful face. Surprisingly enough, I found myself smiling, despite myself.

She wasn't doing it consciously, I was sure. Infact, I could picture her horrified face even now if she ever found out she had been sniffing my pillow in any state of unconsciousness.

But the thought that she too was pulled to me on some instinctual level that neither of us quite understood was heartening enough to lift my spirits.

Her face looked slightly pink, and with the pleasant smell of soap hanging in the air, I knew she had taken a shower. About the same time I had taken one in the den ensuite.

Damn.

I clenched my eyes shut, trying to stop my mind from imagining both of us showering at the same time.. together. Realising that hanging around would eventually make my cold shower useless, I decided to get out of the room, even though I had no idea where I wanted to go.

Once at the front desk, I arranged for her meals to be delivered to her at the right times, then decided to hit the gym, hoping to work off all the energies that were coursing through me at the moment.

Halfway through the bench pressing session, my mind wandered and my conversation with Jai Patel from previous evening crossed my mind. I cursed myself for slacking off it. Even though I had next to no hope of stopping the takeover, I knew I have to give it everything I've got.

Postponing the meeting for Ruth was necessary, but delaying work for my personal shit?

Sitting up, I went to open the PDF that Jai had sent to me, but a text from Leo caught my eye before I could open it.

"Just a heads-up, Ana and her husband will probably be there this evening too. In case they do visit, be nice. - Leo"

And just like that, the rosy glow that was fueling me after leaving my room vanished, replaced by the dark reality that was my life. Nightmares. Ana. My father. My messed up brain. The joke that was my career right now.

Fuck shit. That was so not what I needed today. With my mind already messed up on what has been happening past few days, handling Ana and her fucking husband was the last thing I had wanted to face.

It also served as a reminder of what I was pulling Ruth into. And for what? It wasn't like I was capable of giving her what she deserved. What any girl did, as a matter of fact. I was the guy fit for a little roll in the hay and part ways the next day.

Beautiful dawns and pillow sniffing was not the thing I could vaguely be associated with. And Ruth needed to know that, even if not in gory details.

I rubbed my face, suddenly feeling too bleak and impatient to concentrate on the report, but then my eyes landed on another message from Jai Patel and I decided to give it an honest attempt.

Opening the PDF, I zoomed it to read. But my sweat slicked fingers kept messing it up it would zoom too huge or zoom out, move the pages like they were fucking possessed.

Frustrated, I closed the file after fifth attempt, cursing the format and not having the physical report to read. Then something occured to me.

Sending an email to my assistant, I shot her a message, letting her know about her meals arrangements and my need to have a printout of the file.

"That'll give her something to do so she won't wander off," I thought to myself, proud of my solution before going back to bench pressing again.

The day went by too quickly for my liking, and before I knew it, I found myself standing in the room again, dropping my gym bag on the couch and turning to face the bedroom door.

Somewhere during lunch time, I had decided to cancel our visit to Leo's, not having the appetite for a probable drama that would surely ensue if Ana and I were under the same roof again.

A prick of guilt ran through my chest as I imagined Ruth's disappointed face when I told her of our cancelled trip, but I swallowed it, telling myself it was for the best.

We were here for work, afterall. I have to somehow establish our boss-subordinate relationship again, even while living under the same roof.

Get back on track to how we were before this trip. Light. Fun. Teasing each other. Testing each other. Yes, that's what suited us. That's exactly what we should be. That would stop getting her too close, to me and to my fucking cousin.

With that thought in mind, I went to open the door, but paused as the sound of someone talking sounded from behind it.

"....didn't want to marry yet... work, we agreed. You wanted to work as a measly secretary.... high time you agreed to a few things back in return?"

Wtf?

But before I could contemplate more on it, Ruth spoke in a voice so high pitched and cheerful that she sounded like a fucking harp playing close to my ear.

"...did not call to strike a deal... ask your opinions.... I called to let you know that I was fine.... Now, unlike some of us, I have some place I need to be, so I'll be disconnecting!... Bye!"

And with more such garbled words, she disconnected the call. For a moment, I recollected myself, resigning to the fact that my plan to cancel our trip to Leo's bonfire was shot to hell. No way would I be able to bear telling her that, and watch her face wilt in disappointment.

Strangely though, I felt a tiny smile pull at the corners of my lips, feeling oddly proud of her response to whoever it was on the other line, That disappeared, however, when I heard a quiet sniff pass through the door.

She was crying?

I opened the door and barged in, pausing as I looked at her too shiny eyes that looked startled at my sudden presence.

"Are you about to cry?" I asked, feeling anger, and an odd tenderness fill me.

Something pulled inside my chest, nudging me to rush to her and hold her in my arms, kiss and soothe her until that hurt/frustrated expression faded from her face. But thankfully her response snapped me out of the absurd thoughts in my head.

"You don't knock?" She demanded, looking her usual, irritated self, reminding me of my resolve to make things revert back to how it was before this trip began. Light. Teasing. Easy.

Pasting a smirk on my face, I replied her in the old Caleb way. The Caleb she knew, and hated.

Telling myself all through it that it was for the best.