It was the hardest season of autumn, and even the hardest time for me. I was sitting beside the window watching the leaves of the trees which were falling and falling like they were falling in love with the ground. I was confused with my feeling and even one of the tough time to fight with own mind. I wasn't able to understand what I want from myself. Even though I was surrounded by people, I was lost somewhere in my thought. "It was Abhi or Rehan which was exert influence on me so much," I asked myself. This confused mind was my biggest enemy which was gradually dragging me towards loneliness.
I wasn't able to acknowledge that choosing Rehan over Abhi was making me feel guilt or seeing Rehan moving on with someone else was hurting me. With this, all untold feelings I was somewhere losing myself and I could take in that somewhere KARMA was hitting on me. The seed which I sow is what I am getting back now and it all that I deserve right now. With time and distance, the feelings growing inside me were slowly giving me a burden, it was making me feel regret for my mistake, for my decision. The decision of choosing Rehan over Abhi who always stands by me and be with me, no matter whatever the situation is. It always hurts me whenever I think about the day when I left Abhi just for Rehan who left me today without giving me any reason.
I still feel regret for my instability, immaturity, stubborn nature for which today I am in this position.
I left him but still, he was holding on to me, wanting me to be with him no matter how much I had hurt him. When I told him to leave me he just told me" Take your time and think well". and today I understood what he meant that day. The moment he was going away from me I was unable to know what was going in his mind. His expression was difficult to understand. I never loved him but somewhere even then I was having the fear of losing him, I just want to him but why?
He slowly came towards me and gave me a gentle hug, I could feel the warmth of his body around me it was so comfortable being between his arm.
"SORRY" I whispered ...
He didn't reply for a few sec but then he smiles which exposed his pain which could no longer hide. He smiles with pain and replies" Luna...you know we can never force people to stay with us unless n until they want to. Don't worry it's not your fault maybe I am not enough good for you but when you think you need me or understand your feelings come back to me I will be always waiting for you Love you dear" Saying this he slowly kisses my forehead and goes away. I was expecting that once he would turn back but no and from then I didn't saw him