7 Chapter 7 Grieving

I swung open the door of my home, leaving behind a trail of rain as I walked through the empty house. A bottle of wine stood next to a picture of a younger me with my mom. My mom must have left it here, she probably missed me. I picked up the picture before slouching down onto the carpet. She'll have a funeral, I'll make sure of it. People will probably hate me and some will probably say there apologies. I don't care either way. Both would be right to do so. If its a fight they want then I'll give em a fight, but where were they when we needed them? Better yet, where was I? I stared blankly at the ceiling rocking my leg. "Hmmm hmmm hmmm, hmmm hmmmm. Hmmm hmmmm hmm." I hummed to my mother in the picture. I shook my leg and rocked her to rest. I placed the picture back where it was and headed towards the door. I'm still a kid I know now that I don't really know how everything is. My reality isn't what I make it out to be. Although I have the right to feel this way I understand that all it brings me is pain. The reality I've portrayed was not false rather incomplete. I had forgotten certain aspects that might of kept me going. I was confronted with something unlike anything I had ever faced before and I didn't know how I'd deal with it. I was overwhelmed to say the least. I thought my world was over but that wasn't the entire world, that wasn't the end of it all. It just seemed that way. Perception is powerful. I know now that I have much to learn. I have to discover for myself what it is about life that makes it worthwhile, not only that but I want to feel it for myself. What made my mom keep pushing through when we both had this going on? How come she didn't break down like me? I want to know. Rain kept pouring, I reached to grab the handle and as I twisted I had this overwhelming sadness come over me as I looked back to say "Goodbye mom, I'll see you later." I choked and hot tears streamed down "I'm sorry for everything." with that, I shut the door behind me to go my separate way.