The First Talk

It was something faint, but definitely real.

I felt something.

Still, it was too small, it was out of my grasp. It was similar to a flicker of a candle light in a totally dark room.

Small, but significant.

For a me, who was Void of a self, it was something that I have been longing for.

It was not love, that much I can be sure of. The nature of the "sense" is currently a mystery to me. And I do hope that I can find more of it when I am talking to The Girl.

I took the chance. And I asked something completely absurd. I asked The Girl out when having no prior interaction with her.

"First, why did you stop me?" Sitting on the floor, The Girl asked.

"Honestly, I do not know. I just...felt that I had to do so." I answered with a monotonic voice.

"It is illogical, people like us have no need for that."

"So you also had it too."

"Yes. I felt it too."

"I see..."

And then comes silence.

It does not feel normal.

In the past, whenever I am going home, being by myself, I have always had silence all around me. "Silence" here is not the absent of sound, though. Walking on my own, I could hear the whooshing of the wind, the crackling of the dry leaves underneath my shoes, or the laughters of children around my neighborhood.

You see, my home is somewhere you could consider safe, so every kind of activities would be organized from time to time.

Whether it was national holiday, a religious holiday, or new year's eve, I have always felt "silence" around me. Albeit, I could not have fun or join in with the people. I was not alone, but my feelings were unreachable. I was always smiling and laughing but my inside was always hollow.

But now, there is something.

There is no conversation going on. The Girl and I are neither saying anything. But for some reason, I do not feel the same thing before like when I was alone.

I knew my decision was a correct one.

There is something with The Girl.

No, there is something with Us.

"This is the first time I ask someone out by the way." I try to create a conversation.

"Such a coincident, this is the first time I was asked."

"Oh really."

"Yeah, no one would actually ask a girl like me out."

"And why would you think that?"

"Because I am not attractive."

"I do agree that you are not a godlike beauty."

The Girl answers without care of my rude remark: "See."

"But I still asked you out. So your previous statement was incorrect." I continued.

"...That was a little unexpected." A little startled, The Girl said while uplifting her eyebrows.

"Let's talk about your appearance?" I suggested, slowly going off track of my usual conversation topics.

"Let's not. Even though we are mostly empty shells, I still have to keep my pride as a woman."

"I apologize for my rudeness."

"And you should be stopping that kind of speech. You know."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't be too polite to me anymore. We are now boyfriend and girlfriend."

"Very good then. I mean. That's great."

For other people, when they are talking about the couple thingies, they would more or less be a little embarassed. That is especially for new couples.

For us, we both lack something inside, so we can talk a bit easier.

"I don't think you are unattractive."

"You are not a bad looking guy either."

"Why are you being bullied?"

"This and that are totally different stories. And I don't think you should be involved in my personal matters."

"That's right."

I understand her point. However, for some reason, I could not stand down.

"But I'd like to know what you are going through. I promise I would not intervene."

In a calm manner, The Girl reply: "No."

"Understood."

"Then for now, can I have your contacts?"

"Yeah, take out your phone."

Then, The Girl calls her cellphone number using my phone and returns it to me. While doing so, she also register her phone number as: The Girlfriend.

She takes out her smartphone from her right pocket to show me that she has one missed call from my number.

Her phone is actually a cute one, with a cat-ear case. I am a little suprise but decide to not say anything.

"FYI, we go to the same school."

"Oh wow that's great."

"Same building."

"Really? Even better."

"Same classroom."

"..." I was stunned.

I do not remember the face of my own classmate.

"You know what is even worse?"

"What is it?" I feel a bit of pressure around me.

"You sit right in front of me in class." The Girl makes a big sigh.

"Okay now this is just ridiculous." I shouted.

And the shout suprises both me and The Girl.

It was not what I usually do.

From the start of the conversation with The Girl, or actually with any conversation, I would always keep my voice down and to a certain degree at all times.

I do not want to make anyone unhappy because of the way I spoke. It brings me no satisfaction or benefits by doing so. Thus, I always say things in moderation.

However, just now, I shouted.

I let my guard down.

"I am so sorry for my behaviour. Please forgive me." Instantly, I bow my head. My voice becomes a little different. Is it??? Fear? Anger? Sadness?

"I am also sorry for delaying the information." The Girl also bows.

We did it at the same time. Because of that, we hit our heads together.

"Ouch!"

"Ouch!"

We fall down, look at each other.

And then, for the first time ever, I laugh wholeheartedly.

The Girl looks at me and smiles after a big sigh.

My void was painted a splash of light.