6 self-harm

A/N. This chapter contains self-harm so if that triggers you, I advise you to not read this chapter. And sorry for the short chapter, I'll try and even everything out. 😅

Chapter Six

This week has been hell, yes I have two great friends who get me by in school, but it's really hard being picked on by the popular kids and Ashton wasn't as bad as I had once thought. Alex really hit it off with the basketball team, so he's golden with friends, and I think they actually care about him. So at least one of us got somewhere. . But I hope that all this trying to protect me doesn't affect his friendships, I would forever hate myself for that.

I still haven't gotten over the fact that he left his friends behind so we could move. He insisted that he would survive without them and it was fine, but it wouldn't be fine to me.

I look over at the clock, one more minute left. I quickly gather everything I have and stuff it in my bag. As soon as the bell rings, I hurry towards the door not wanting to be at this stupid school any longer.

As I'm walking to the exit some jerk decides to push his way past me, with me ending up on my bum. I glare at him when he looks back, he looks back at me with an apologetic glance, while people around us are laughing. Of fucking course, just my luck. I see someone recording the interaction.

Sighing as I swiftly get up and walk as fast as I can to my locker, I look back to see the jerk looking at me leave but looks away once I catch him in the act of doing the same. I look away just as quickly. 

Alex is already by my locker getting my things ready, I sigh taking my books out of his hands and place them in my bag.

"You good?" He asks me lifting my chin up with his hand. I just nod, and he decides to just leave it.

→ → →

I take my phone out, big mistake, and go on Facebook.

I have 1 new message, of course. I opened it.

Your so stupid and ugly, u should just drop dead. Do us all a favor and kill urself

I look at my phone wearily, wouldn't people just be nice to me for a change? I mean, what did I do to deserve this treatment? Nothing.

I look at who sent it, Sophie.

A tear lands on my phone, I didn't even know I was crying over this. I get up and walk to my bathroom, I don't know why I would do this, but it always makes the pain go away. Just thinking about Sophie, and the message has fucked my head inside. All the memories from my old school start flooding my mind. More messages follow, but I just turn my phone off and toss it aside.

I open a drawer revealing a few razors and loose blades. I grab a blade and bring it against my left wrist.

"Kill yourself"                                                       "Freak"

                                 "Maybe you should cut deeper next time"  

"You're nothing but a waste of space"

      "Loser"                                     "You're the reason your fathers never home"    "Nobody will love you"

"You'll be forever alone"                       "Who could ever love you?"   

Tears are forming their way into my eyes. Why the fuck do I do this to myself. Now everyone will think I'm crazy, I'll surely fuck up my current friendships. I've been clean for a while now, I was doing so well.

. . . But I do it anyway . . .

I drag the razor across my skin, the first one being the deepest. Blood prickles down my wrist into my hand. I continue until both my wrists are littered with slits. The red blood is fascinating as it gushes out, beautiful even, as it pours down.

I know I'll regret this later, but I felt like I needed to do this. To feel the pain.

I sit for a minute collecting my thoughts before finally making my way to the bathroom to wash myself up. I hide all the evidence of my terrible habit and put my sweater on and start schoolwork.