1 Will I Ever Reach the Top?
An old man was sitting in a dark room, scribbling on paper made of linen cloth.
His face was full of wrinkles, and his back was hunched. A faint smile was fixated on his face, immune to the curse of time.
His writing was messy and rushed. He wrote as if that was the last thing he would do in his life.
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Post-Rebirth, Day 3.
The command center finally agreed to my request and gave me a stack of paper and a diary. After getting used to writing in my past life it's quite difficult to stop.
I'm currently a cleaner in the space base called Espoir. Not the best job, but I'm happy I'm alive.
Espoir is located at the event horizon of something called a "white hole".
Well, that's what I heard from the researchers at least. The memory of the previous host of my body doesn't have any relevant information about this.
Anyway, what happened to me is crazy. After dying in the hospital, I was reborn in another world!
It's a weird feeling to take over a person's memory and body. It gives me the creeps.
Fortunately, I didn't lose myself. It felt like watching a film, I can empathize but I can't go out of my way to achieve his goals and dreams.
I'll write in the diary again if something interesting happens.
---
Post-Rebirth, Day 68.
Life is dull in space. I feel like I'm frozen in time, always cleaning under the watchful eyes of the stars.
I managed to mix within the group of people nicely and managed to get some information about my situation.
Apparently, we're not returning anytime soon and the singularity of the white hole emitted weird fluctuations (whatever that means), and that isn't a good sign.
They said the white hole is highly unstable, I hope nothing happens...
I don't want to die again.
---
Post-Rebirth, day 73.
The stress of the research department rubbed off on me, and I let go of my reservations and had a... "steamy night" with one of the staff workers.
Seeing that my knowledge from Earth is probably crap in this sci-fi world and that I have no cheat nor special talent I will probably achieve nothing in this life.
Might as well have some fun...
---
Post-Rebirth, Day 84.
A huge mechanical construct appeared from the middle of the white hole.
They say that they can't communicate with it and that it isn't a part of our spatial fleet. It will reach us in two days, at most.
I hope that these aliens aren't as belligerent as those from earth's films.
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Third life, Day 1.
It seems that my "rebirth" wasn't as random as I thought. After taking over a new body, I found a ring in my pocket.
For some reason, I knew how to "activate it".
I just had to picture a "∞" in my mind for it to turn into the diary the command center gave me in my previous life.
I don't understand what's happening, but I prefer living as an ignorant fool than pointlessly researching the answer for something that goes beyond my capabilities.
I will continue writing because it's the only chain that still links me to my past identities.
Death isn't a concern anymore, but I don't want to lose myself.
---
Third life, Day 2.
I finally managed to clear my mind from doubt and anxiety and "watched" the memory of the previous bro.
Apparently, I'm the fourth son of a Baronet that purchased his title after amassing enough merit during his time in the army. As a man proud of his military career, he probably values discipline a lot...
What a hassle.
Note: Calling the previous owner of the bodies I take over "previous host" sounds really wrong. So I'll just call them bros...
---
Third Life, Day 5.
I couldn't sleep tonight when recalling how I died for the second time. I'm still traumatized, but maybe writing will help relax my nerves.
The mechanical construct that emerged from the White Hole was a battleship.
We didn't even understand what happened before half of the base was destroyed by a single beam.
After seeing how lowly our technology was compared to theirs, it seemed like they lost interest in us and left slowly.
I, unfortunately, wasn't one of those that died because of the blast.
We were just floating in space, without food and water. The beam destroyed the storage vault and left us with no hope.
The higher-ups sent signals to the headquarters and butchered the cleaners and low-ranked staff, using them as food supplies while waiting for help to arrive.
I wasn't spared from that fate.
I understand they never killed humans before, but they should've at least killed me cleanly instead of panicking and letting me slowly bleed to death because they're not brave enough to hit me a second time...
Nope, writing definitely isn't helping. I want to puke.
---
Third life, Day 8.
Since I'm definitely not the one that's gonna take over the position of my father once he dies, he wants to send me to one of his Knight friends to undergo training.
Seems like I'm gonna live the life of a squire for a while...
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Third life, Day 19.
My dad's friend is a f*cking devil!
To think I was impatient to see him once I knew he was called "Joseph" for obvious reasons...
When I wake up, I need to run around the whole propriety five times before meditating for half an hour to calm my mind. Afterward, Joseph teaches me how to stab using polearms and blades of different lengths.
Not even 5 days in, and I already need to learn how to swing a flail and use a crossbow!
I don't know about them, but I sure as hell can't learn this fast! Just focus on one damn weapon!
---
Third life, Day 1947.
Because of the high-intensity repetitive training, I couldn't and didn't know what to write.
I finally ended my training, after more than five years...
If it wasn't for the ring that I'm wearing, I would've forgotten about my past experiences. Unfortunately, although I don't know if I'll revive after dying, or if this is my last chance, I'm still really conflicted about getting involved in relationships.
Living with someone, loving someone, and even having children together. All of this feels wrong when I know that I will technically outlive even the grandsons of my grandsons...
I will go back to my "family" before enlisting into the army. Who knows, I might get some achievements.
---
Third life, Day 1948.
After training together for so long, I and Joseph were pretty close and it feels bad to just leave like that.
He gifted me a halberd and a crossbow, and told me:
"On the battlefield, being the hero doesn't matter. The most important is to survive. Use range to your advantage, the further your neck is from your opponents' blade, the better."
That kinda helped me get rid of my illusions of grandeur completely. I know how bad dying feels firsthand, and I'm better off alive than "dead with honor".
---
Third life, Day 1982.
It seems my abilities are top-notch in the recruits' camp. My master isn't a simple man for sure.
Having a strong body feels way too good. I don't know how I managed to live my first life without being as flexible as I am right now. Seeing my body move as I wish is getting addictive.
---
Third life, Day 1995.
I was rated highly by the knight responsible for my training and sent to the front.
Our opponents aren't human, but a race called the Flirdes. They're humanoids with hooves and three horns.
Despite their low fertility rates, their physique is monstrous. Not only able to tank arrows with their body alone, their smithing was also of a higher caliber than humans', making them very troublesome opponents.
My mission was to intercept two Flirde scouts with a squad of seven men and interrogate them about the location of their camp. We would then send the information to the headquarters and wait for the army to attack before ambushing the enemy on their retreat path.
I'm oddly excited...
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Third life, Day 1997.
I finally have some privacy. As the de facto commander of the squad, I managed to get a tent for myself to be able to write, hidden from prying eyes.
We caught the two scouts, but the eagerness of the young soldiers turned the camp into a bloody mess during the interrogation.
War isn't nearly as fun as I thought. Although I do not feel regret or pain after killing a "person", the sound of bones cracking, and flesh tearing under the weight of my sword is "overwhelming" to say the least...
Having the "honor" of executing the Flirdes isn't to my liking, but I cannot show weakness if I want to rise through the ranks and amass enough merit to get my own lands.
I feel like puking and I'm once again conflicted about my moral values.
Me not dying doesn't mean others can't. In fact, it might be the case, I do not really know, but that's beside the point.
I just can't feel empathy when killing living beings. I know that their family will grieve, I know it too well because I never had a family myself.
But I'm not the one who began this war.
Those are the only words I can say to comfort myself about my twisted mind.
---
Third life, Day 2008.
The ambush succeeded. My performance pleased the higher-ups greatly and I was promoted to lieutenant, having a whole squad officially under my command.
They also "like my bravado" and whatnot, and sent me to the front again to "amass merit" and "protect my homeland".
I seriously don't care about my "homeland", I don't even remember what the name of the country is.
But it's easy to accumulate merit in the front, and acquiring experience now might save my life in one of my next lives.
I'm still angry, however. If anyone that shows talent is sent to the front, then it's not surprising that we're losing the war.
---
Third life, Day 2073.
I finally have a holiday, although it's barely one week long.
I accumulated merit at a very fast rate and acquired the title: "Mad Demon", that also comes with the perks of a knight.
I'm pretty satisfied with how my file is looking to be totally honest, and it seems one of the Generals of the army agrees because they sent me an invitation to a "higher-up gathering".
It seems my memory as the child of a noble will be useful for once.
I hope I won't have to be too hypocritical. Having the knowledge and being good at lying are two different things.
---
Third life, Day 2078.
The party proceeded smoothly, thankfully. It seems that my time at the front wasn't wasted because everyone seemed too afraid to approach me.
The general looked completely different than what I thought. Instead of the middle-aged man with the beer belly and amiable face I expected, the man was built like a Greek god and had a scar running down his neck. Clichés weren't to be trusted huh...
His eyes were sharp, and he had the disposition of a warrior. I was pleasantly surprised.
He didn't use the euphemism of the "high-class nobles", so I didn't have any trouble following along the conversation.
To sum it up, he promised to "shield" me from the world of politics if I joined his squad of elites.
I obviously agreed. I might be a second-generation noble, but having a "memory" and being proficient are two different things. In this life, I'm a warrior, not a politician.
---
Third life, Day 2081.
Holy. God.
The squad I joined is crazy. Literally.
The sheer amount of random information and tricks I picked up in the two days we got to know each other was phenomenal!
We're only six members, but I came to understand it was more than enough.
Although we pretty much only call each other by our titles we're getting along pretty well.
We have a godly marksman called GhostSleeve. He's also the scout of the squad and has ample experience as a spy.
Our second member is called Genius, and he is an architect/engineer/mechanic, whatever his job is called. What is the role of an architect in a battlefield? Anyone would question themselves about that! However, his performance shut my mouth pretty quickly.
This man's mind is revolutionary, at least in this world. His construct could be considered the nuclear weapons of the middle-ages.
He modified my crossbow, and the results are nothing short of scary. He's a bit narcissistic though (I mean, look at his nickname), but I'll probably get used to it.
Our third member was a gigantic swordsman that was at least two meters tall. He was called Colosse of Blood.
He was the only known human that was capable of winning against a Flirde in a contest of pure physical might.
In his file, his greatest achievement was him literally pulling off a Flirde's head from his body bare-handed.
Definitely not a man I wanted to cross swords with.
Our fourth member was a knight that was similar to me, a jack of all trades with a lot more experience than me.
As someone that acquired his knight title through his own efforts, he uses his family name "Steelheart" as a title.
He's also a master strategist and a great tracker.
Definitely more useful than I am...
Our fifth and last member is a woman that is named Nutcracker.
When she was but a small girl she was repeatedly r*ped by some of her family members.
In the end, she joined the military and reported their crimes after gaining some standing. Not being able to ignore her titles and influence, they launched an investigation, and the final verdict was that her "family members" would be sentenced to death by beheading.
She executed her aggressors herself, showing everyone that women weren't just toys.
She was pretty messed up in the head, and so was her battle style. She used a Warhammer and always aimed at the "precious jewels" of her opponents. Another person I didn't want to have a "spar" with...
I felt pretty out of place, mainly because I wasn't as talented as everyone else. However, I had an advantage. I wasn't as afraid of death as they were.
Well... Nutcracker excluded.
---
Third life, Day 2123.
Our squad penetrated deep into the opponents' ranks. Genius and Steelheart died miserably, because of an ambush, giving us time to retreat and stage a counter-attack.
Using his experience as a spy, GhostSleeve penetrated into the opponents' bases alone to assassinate the high-ranked staff. I don't know where he's located currently, but I'm sure that if I'm alive he won't be dead.
The Colosse of Blood's status was unknown, he kinda rushed into the fray like a berserker and didn't come back. It seemed that his height didn't come without a cost, because his brain was probably as small as a pea.
I was left alone with Nutcr- Sylvia. In the middle of winter, with our bones freezing.
After tending to each other's wounds, and snuggling together to prevent ourselves from dying due to the cold, our relationship kinda turned into something... "beyond friendship".
She isn't as "insane" as I thought, or maybe I'm just becoming insane myself because of the constant warring.
Who knows? I certainly don't.
But the more I know about her the more I'm attracted to her strong personality.
For the first time, I regret enlisting in the military. I wouldn't have met her, nor would I have developed feelings for her.
"Regret" is the wrong word. I don't, and will never regret loving her.
But I know we would die soon. Too soon.
There is no going back, and if the army doesn't miraculously win the war, coming to our rescue, then we are done for.
We both understood that, and that is the reason why we indulged in our desires, even in the midst of the battlefield.
Simply because it was now or never.
As I see Sylvia sleeping next to me, I feel like my heart is breaking.
I will probably have to live on, even after losing her.
For the first time, I hate my "immortality".
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Fifth life, Day 3.
I finally managed to put an end to my "dangerous" thoughts when I understood that I would just be reborn again, no matter how I die.
I'm still satisfied with dying before Sylvia. Maybe she survived, and although the chances are slim, the sliver of hope helps me sleep at night.
The only reason I managed to remain sane and not suicide again was my curiosity.
This world is different than the previous ones because supernatural abilities exist.
My body is that of someone whose profession is called "Silence".
They're people that deliver, protect, seal, and wield dangerous items.
For once, I'm not starting out with nothing, because I have managed to understand how to use two abilities from the memory of the "bro".
My first ability lets me teleport using mirrors. For example, I can go from my bedroom to my bathroom without having to walk (and that's great).
I can also teleport over a large distance, but it consumes quite a bit of energy.
My second ability lets me escape the sensory perception of other people. It's basically invisibility.
By becoming a Silence one swears an oath to never talk to anyone but one's brothers and sisters, never interact with anyone but one's brothers and sisters, never "look beyond", never steal, never kill, never abandon your parcels, and never be seen by other people other than your brothers and sisters.
The items they handled weren't safe, and any Silence that broke any of these rules could trigger the dangers hidden in their "parcels".
I'm still having trouble understanding a lot of concepts, but the complete silence isn't bad at all.
I hope I will get my first job soon, I want to learn to use my powers better.
---
Fifth life, Day 14.
I finally understood what "never look beyond" means. Yesterday was my first job as a Silence and I nearly lost my life.
Imagine. Losing my life while working as a deliveryman.
It sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, but I'm actually still trembling.
The parcel I had began glowing weirdly and I stared at it, trying to understand what was happening. However, the moment I laid my eyes on it, the parcel became transparent and I could see the item inside.
It was a pebble with a cross engraved on it. However, the moment I saw it, I felt like I was stared at by the greatest of the devils.
For one second I even thought that I would die a death way more horrible than my second life's.
I was lucky, however, because I fell from the other side of the mirror before anything bad happening to me.
I still feel trepidation when recalling that feeling of powerlessness.
Would I still be reborn if I was killed by that thing?
I didn't plan to find the answer.
---
Fifth life, Day 31.
The Silences are seemingly split into two factions.
I managed to enter the inner circle by "mistake", and was invited by one of the members of the Bastion faction to have a "chat".
The other faction was called the "Ascenders". The name came from their desire to transcend their human status to become something greater.
Delivering and protecting "powerful items", didn't suit them anymore. And they expanded their business into shady grounds.
After hearing the man's explanation, I felt a shiver run down my spine.
Murder, information gathering, tracking... Invisibility was simply the best tool to conduct this sort of business.
Imagine sitting in your room, thinking all of your secrets are well-kept, not knowing that the mirrors "have eyes", and that someone could possibly be sitting beside you, hearing even your thoughts.
I didn't care much about this world's citizens, but the world itself was beautiful.
The headquarters was floating on the clouds. Above us, a humungous creature was flying, with a whole continent on its back.
I didn't want my identity as a Silent to make me unable to admire this scenery while I lived in this world.
The member of the Bastion faction named Olgar used an item that could detect lies to understand my intention, and gleefully accepted me into their ranks.
He added two rules to the already long list: Never pry into the secrets of the world and never forget that you're nothing but a human.
They also taught me how to use another ability.
They called it "Coax", and it could dispel any interference or power.
It coaxed the target, calming it down, and getting rid of any exterior interference in the process.
I could dispel a Silence's invisibility using this power and could use it on myself to get rid of any influence exerted on me.
An example would be my first delivery, where I nearly got killed by the item contained in the parcel.
They won't send me to the "front" right? Oh, well I just raised the flag.
Guess I'll have to make some preparation.
---
Fifth life, day 47.
I caught a member of the Ascenders faction by luck, pleasing Olgar greatly.
My achievements are also his, and in this world luck is also a part of one's strength, so he decided to reward me. , hoping that I would surprise him again
Apparently, the things we protected were called "World Fragments", and they were either forged from the body of "World Entities" or were created naturally due to some conditions being fulfilled.
The item I chose was a short sword, with a length of around 60cm, made from a piece of the fang of the world entity that had a continent on its back.
Apparently the sword didn't have any negative effect nor was it sentient, so I wouldn't be in danger when using it.
Its power was also very useful. The world entity above us liked to eat creatures called "Psychic Wyrms" that could attack the mind directly and protect themselves with psychic barriers powered by their will.
The world creature's fangs had anti-psychic abilities, which made it possible for it to tear through mental barriers and mind attacks.
When wielding this sword I could see any mind attack directed toward me as chains. If I managed to slash at the chain with my sword, the mental influence/attack/control would be nullified.
That was a good trump card to have, in case I wasn't fast enough to use coax on myself. It was also very sharp and nigh unbreakable, so it was perfect for me.
Let's hope I find another member of the Ascenders. Those items are fascinating.
---
Fifth life, Day 59.
I managed to catch two members of the Ascenders, but I wasn't rewarded with an item this time, but with a new skill.
The strength of the high-ranked members didn't come solely from training. The secret was the skill called Aspiration, that when used showed the user what their soul desire.
For example, if after using Aspiration the word "Justice" appeared in your head, then acting like a judge or a hero in all of your actions will make you stronger, because you fulfilled your soul's desire.
The word that appeared in my head when I used Aspiration was "Hédonism".
I tried to do things that would make me feel good, except a certain physical activity, to no avail.
I have my own ideas about what could possibly trigger my soul's desire but that'll be the last thing I try. I promised that I would avoid "that" in my first life after all...
---
Fifth life, Day 72.
Although I promised I would never drink again as long as I was alive, it was still worth the try.
And I died anyway so whatever...
After drinking alcohol I unlocked two aspects of "Hédonism": Alcoholic and Gourmet.
It felt like I was reborn. All my senses were sharper and my body stronger.
An enormous amount of information was "inserted" into my head, nearly making me faint.
It felt like I just had additional limbs, that I could use some abilities as naturally as breathing.
I could change any liquid into liquor, quite literally, and could ignite anything that had alcohol in it. My digestion and tolerance were also improved greatly.
Two powers were the most "eye-catching", however, because they meant that I could finally use mind attacks too.
I could make my opponents feel endless hunger, or just make them feel tipsy or even straight away drunk if their mind was weak.
For the first time in all of my lives, I had "true" power, and saw hope.
---
Fifth life, Day 139.
It seems the Ascenders overstepped their boundaries. They provoked a power that was even stronger than the Silences.
The Demons.
They were a race that had a very difficult time having off-springs, but all of their members were exceedingly strong and intelligent.
The closer their blood was to the noble lineage, the stronger their power.
We're already at war, but I'm already making preparations for my sixth life.
For once, I had superpowers and they didn't only exist because of external influence. I knew that I could use these even if I was back on Earth.
In my next life, I'll find a way to break the curse or at least achieve true immortality, using these powers to my advantage.
---
Sixth life, Day 1.
It seems my ring's role isn't only to store a diary.
After visualizing the "∞" sign to get the diary, I could feel that I could make the ring turn into another form.
The short sword I had in my previous life.
It came as a pleasant surprise. I had a way to protect myself so early into this life!
This time I was in a world of Sword & Magic. The "bro" who elegantly let me have his body is a self-taught mage that worked as a mercenary.
He only knew the spell "fireball" and "ice wall", but that was still rare so he was welcomed as an honorary member in multiple mercenary groups.
He could've been a disciple in a mage tower, but his pride kinda stopped him from enlisting.
I'll correct this mistake.
---
Sixth life, Day 21.
Magic is quite easy.
Mastering Coax and Aspiration was waaaaaaaaaay harder, they can't even be put on the same level.
I'm now a peak mage disciple because I managed to cast a second circle spell, Pressure.
If I manage to cast two more second circle spells, I'll become an official mage, and I'll unlock more knowledge.
---
Sixth life, Day 49.
Magic is fabulous!
It can even control time!!! How is that even possible?!
I will strive to find the truth, I will go back in time, end that war, and destroy everything that caused Sylvia's death.
EVEN IF I HAVE TO KILL EVERYTHING.
---
Sixth life, Day 4522350.
The holy empire managed to nurture a mage stronger than I was, capable of destroying my phylactery.
It's but a matter of time.
My tower will soon fall, and so will I.
I committed to many sins, and after ten thousand years of madness, I don't really know what I'm doing anymore.
Isn't it quite ironic that I'm the villain of this world, the final adversary of the hero whose story shall be sung by all bards of this world?
Forbidden magic has never been the answer. Would Sylvia like it if she knew?
I don't know anymore.
What I know is that my seventh life will be one of contemplation.
I'll live like a normal person, marry, cultivate land, and die with a family that cares about me.
In my eighth life, I will move on from the things that shackled me for so long and become a better man.
In my eighth life, I shall finally answer the call of my soul and become a Hedonist.
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The old man smiled and paused before writing one last line.
"If the one that manages to read this is also a person with a never-ending destiny, I hope you will find this legacy of my time as a lich useful. Because I will personally never use dark magic again.
Never lose yourself, your first life and your experience in the new worlds is what defines you. Not the memory of the bros."
The man grabbed the stack of paper and used a spell on it, making it invisible to anyone that isn't supposed to see it.
'If anyone that's fated to find these papers appear in this world, they will feel a strong attraction toward it. I hope that I will one day meet that successor of mine if they ever appear.' The man thought to himself.
"Will I find the answers? Will I ever reach the top? I wonder..." The man said in a hoarse voice, before closing his eyes for the last time in this world.
