20 The Night in The Tent (3)

Oliver's heartfelt words and the firm grasp of his hands jolted Sigrid from her hazy thoughts. Her heart squeezed in pain, as if hundreds of sharp needles pricked it. She understood that for a man to admit inferiority to another was a painfully difficult thing, especially when confessed to the women in his life. Yet, it was still difficult for Sigrid to grasp why Oliver felt that way.

Slightly irritated and hurt by Oliver's feelings, Sigrid turned on her side, away from Oliver, even letting go of his hand. "Why do you have to feel like that?" Sigrid whispered quietly, her voice tinged with sadness and pain. "You are at the top of this generation, one of the best mages in the whole guild. Your skills and talent are top-notch." Sigrid slowly turned her captivating face towards Oliver, her raven-black hair now in disarray. "You have me, and to me, you are perfect. There's no one better than you in my eyes. I guess I just can't comprehend those men's things." Sigrid's reddish and slightly puffy tearful eyes gazed lovingly at Oliver. "But I want to understand. So, you have to explain it to me now, or I won't stop crying. Let's figure it out once and for all," Sigrid declared with a voice laden with persistence.

"Okay…" Oliver resigned to his fate. "You always get your way with me... But I don't even know what to add… you know everything about it."

"What do you mean by that?" Sigrid quickly asked, her voice laced with cute sniffles.

"It is a men's thing. We spoke about it this morning after meeting Jerome." Oliver paused for a moment and continued. "It's not about him picking or bullying me in the academy days and you protecting me. Those times were sometimes annoying and tough, but we were kids back then, and now it doesn't bother me at all... But the thing is, mainly me not being able to fight back. Even if I am the best healer and supporter, even if I am from the Everbloom family, and even if I have you, Sigrid, the fact that in the end I have to rely on other people to fight, to win has plagued me for as long as I can remember..."

Sigrid, as always when she was thinking, furrowed her dark, elegant eyebrows. "I can understand this, in a way. But that's not all, right? Just this would not make you feel as not equal to him."

Oliver let out a long sigh and continued. "You know, Sigrid... Maybe I just didn't want to remember. But I can face it now, and I know where it began... Remember when in the last stages of the academy graduation exam you teamed up with Soul to fight against Jerome and Alexandra?"

"Um," Sigrid nodded, vividly recalling the intense fight right before the exam ended. The four strongest mages of their generation - Alexandra from the Blackburn family, Soul from the Hughes, Jerome, and lastly Sigrid herself. Due to circumstances, Sigrid teamed up with Soul and barely managed to claw her way to victory in the fight against Alexandra and Jerome. That exam as a whole left a deep impact on Sigrid; she was still able to relive those memories as if it had just happened yesterday.

"Seeing you fighting up there, trying your best and surpassing your limits…" Oliver's voice cracked with shame and inadequacy as he continued, his weakness evident. "And I... I had already dropped out, soon after we got separated. I was unable to defeat a few nobodies... As I looked at you from the sidelines, fighting so valiantly, it hit me. From that time on, I understood that I can't stand beside you as an equal, and more than that, I can't give you the excitement of battle you desire. Jerome was right about me needing your protection and not being able to do anything without you... I'm sorry I kept this away from you for so long, but I tried to refute it, to fight against it. I wanted to prove to myself that it was not true. I promised myself that during our trip, I would become your equal…" Oliver's shaky voice and slightly trembling body betrayed just how difficult it was to share these heavy feelings with his wife.

Sigrid, overwhelmed by Oliver's emotions, struggled to speak as she opened and shut her rosy lips. She knew her words had been hurting him, particularly her enjoyment of fighting Jerome, the man Oliver despised most.

"This insecurity... It was never only about Jerome, was it? It was about feeling you weren't enough for me? And when I protected you, when I didn't let you stand up for yourself... I've been making it worse. I've made it hard for you, Oliver," Sigrid confessed, tears trickling down her flushed cheeks.

Oliver shook his head, seeing Sigrid distraught hurt him deeply. He took pride in keeping her happy and emotionally supported, but he couldn't accept his role. "I will never be able to fight on my own. It's the same for everyone in my family... And yet, even if I am proud of my family, proud of my mother and late father…" Oliver's voice trailed off, lost in distant memories.

The howling wind and rustling leaves echoed through the forest, but they couldn't drown out Sigrid's sniffles. Oliver slumped, pressing his whitening fists against the thin mattress.

"Why am I like this? I swore so many times that I would not be the cause of your tears," Oliver lamented, frustration and anger etched on his face.

Sigrid's tears continued to fall, mingling with irritation in her eyes. Heavy with emotion, she interrupted her husband. "Oliver, stop blaming yourself. I'm in the wrong here. I should've understood. I have been failing you. Not only didn't I let you stand up for yourself, but I also confessed that I'm thrilled to fight with that bastard when that's what you wish for the most. Even just now, when we met him at the gate, I interrupted you, not allowing you to confront him as a man."

"No, I'm the one who caused this and I will take responsibility," Oliver snapped back, refusing to let Sigrid take the blame. "You just love fighting, testing yourself against strong opponents, and even if it hurts me that Jerome is one of the mages who you..." Oliver's voice trailed off, hurt and understanding reflected in his eyes. "I get it, fighting with him or against him is just different from the other mages we have faced. So, I understand your feelings even if it hurts a little considering the past. The problem lies within me. You are not to blame at all, my love. I have been running from myself and my lineage for so long... I can't change it…" Oliver raised his head in frustration. "Aaaaah, I'm so dumb!!!"

Sigrid let out a long breath, a slight smile appearing on her puffy face, illuminating the tent as if the dawn had broken through the darkness. She gently hugged Oliver, pulling him into her warm embrace, his face nestled against the soft curve of her bosom.

Oliver felt as if he was resting on warm soft clouds, his disturbed emotions finally calming down as he listened to the steady rhythm of Sigrid's heartbeats. Sigrid found her way to Oliver's brownish hair, stroking it in slow gentle strokes.

Sigrid finally felt Oliver was ready to listen, and she slowly soothed him. "Thank you, baby. I know how difficult it is for you to open up about these things, and it makes me so happy that you trust me enough to share with me," Sigrid whispered, gently stroking Oliver's hair. "But, I will not let you take the blame like you usually do. So… from tomorrow, I promise to not butt in so much and let you deal with him, okay?" Sigrid sheepishly murmured. "Also, sorry, I've been saying one thing and doing the complete opposite after we joined him."

Oliver nodded slowly, his face brushing against Sigrid's soft supple breasts.

Sigrid paused, her dark brows furrowing as she tried to put her feelings into words. "And about that bastard, Jerome," Sigrid felt a slight shudder from Oliver's body at the mention of his past bully's and now a member's of their group name.

"Like you've just said, I'm crazy about fighting strong opponents…" Sigrid's next words got stuck in her mouth. Strong… Different… Oliver's words about Jerome echoed in her mind. He was not only of a different race and stature compared to other mages in our continent, but the magic and fighting style of the Bigge's and Jerome himself was just something else. His stature, full of confidence, radiated danger and something more… His towering presence when she met him at the gates, his dominance, the brutality, and the raw power he exhibited against the trolls. Sigrid's heartbeat quickened, her body heating up as these thoughts invaded her mind.