Sudden Regrets

Months have passed, and I shortly realized that I was on Jeju Island.

The only understanding these past months that I've been able to grasp was the scar that had popped up on my leg.

It didn't bother me though.

Understanding was hard when you didn't know where to start.

I was heartbroken, and I accepted death.

That wasn't my first stupid mistake.

At the time, I felt that I needed it.

Time flies by when you are somewhere new.

I always thought my first time here would be for vacation.

Not to hide away in a stranger's bathtub.

I placed my hand within the patch of bubbles that floated on the soupy surface.

It tickled my hands and detailed the rim of my fin well.

Jade green and shades of blue weren't always my go-to colors.

But I guess it fits me well.

Salty water never cuts it for a nice bath.

It made the feeling of sticky, come across as a simpler term.

Though the feeling of wind hitting my skin and the sound of seagulls cruising its surface was soothing.

Baths were iffy for me.

Less time bathing and more hours needed to dry.

The water escaped down the drain as I pushed my body out of the tub.

Patting my skin with a towel was tedious.

It always drifted a little bit longer each time.

The process made me realize the will of patience.

I made my way to the spare bedroom with my body fully dried.

Walking back on my feet again always felt so tingly.

Like my legs had fallen asleep.

Being here wasn't so bad and the calmness became a sigh of relief.

The grandma that let me stay here didn't really say much after I accepted her offer.

She occasionally asks me to do a few chores here and there, but I primarily take care of her cleaning and plants.

I fell asleep shortly after my bath.

Sleeping comes easily to me these days.

Too exhausted from swimming, I guess.

The next morning, I headed straight to the front of the cave again.

The beach was deserted here, and the cave was like a sheltered fortress from others.

I felt comfortable here.

The first time being comfortable in my own skin.

Even when I was human, being me wasn't much.

I swam out further and further each day.

Finding new coral systems and different fish at every turn.

I could be tamed here.

The sea was untamed, why couldn't I be as well?

I swam with giant creatures of the ocean.

Sharks that were too stunning to just see once.

They treated me as if they had seen me before.

Old friends visiting from a long trip.

I can't help but wonder how it would be to be back in school with Korain.

The thought would come to my mind each day and it hurt.

Thoughts like these made you want to drift to nowhere.

Letting the current take you anywhere it wants to.

It was tempting.

Days past after this temptation.

Months followed as I continued to work with the sea.

Soothing my mind from any unwanted thoughts.

My last day came quicker then I wanted.

I never had a schedule.

I never even had a plan from the start.

I walked past the local city vendors one day and found a newspaper.

The paper made my head swirl in terror.

Korain was on the front page.

He had jumped from a lighthouse in what the paper had announced as an attempt at suicide.

He wasn't stupid enough to do that.

He would never harm himself.

But he was hurt, and he was in the hospital.

All remorse for myself floated away.

I overstayed my visit and I knew it well.

I was already okay with leaving.

Finding the reason for my change was never here.

It might never be found.

But understanding myself and why.

That is what could be found.

I was just too scared to go back.

I raised back to the house and started to pack up my stuff.

As I was packing the little that I had, I could hear a door crick open.

"Today is finally here is it?"

Her voice was calm and unsearched.

"I have to go."

Not much was said at this moment.

She gazed at me with purpose in her eyes.

I tied the small tote bag and went to reach the nob to the front door.

Moments like this were rare.

I was never good at saying goodbye.

I turned to face her in a moment of vulnerability.

"You..."

"Please take it easy. Thank you."

She rested her hands in mine and spoke the strongest words.

They rang in my ears and I knew they would forever.

She thought that my tail should have a happy ending.

I closed the door behind me and rushed to the cave.

Gripping on a hard but rather small object in my hands.

I opened them curious of the shape.

It was a set of pearl earrings.

A goodbye present seemed more barring on my heart.

Just like her, I was a mystery as well.

The current was rough and unruly today.

It was setting fall and the chill became numb to the touch.

I wouldn't rest if it meant seeing him again.

His words always soared through my heart and his heart could never be reached by mine.

I created a wall that was untouchable, and it left me to regret creating it.

Moments where we should have spoken more.

The ones where the smaller things shouldn't have meant so much.

He should have come first.

I should have told him everything from the start.

I was wrong.

Forgiveness wasn't needed.

His safety was.