2 About a Boy

When I was five years old, my mother was the most proud woman in the village. I'd been combat capable since preschool, and to her the obvious next step was to test out of the Academy and enter the Genin Corps like the big names before me: Orochimaru, Kakashi, Itachi.

I told her I didn't want to graduate early. I wanted to stay at home working out, training, and studying. She'd been furious. Not some kind of angsty transformation into a bad mother neglect fic furious, but the resigned to disappointment furious. I turned down the opportunity to garner a legendary reputation, and to finally bring some real respect to the Inuzuka Clan, but I pissed it all away being timid and shy.

When I was nine years old my mother and I reconciled. Orochimaru turned traitor, Kakashi was certifiably fucked in the head, and Itachi Uchiha, the boy she wanted me to rise up and compete with, slaughtered his whole clan in the night. Tsume became incredibly grateful for her homebody son, cause she could have ended up with that guy. We reconnected after some bitter years and Tsume took up a more active role in my life, something welcome as I was quite fond of the Inuzuka techniques, and she was the best in the Clan at them.

Tsume expected to come in and take over my training, but discovered my absolute wealth of knowledge in physical training and therapy as well as nutrition. I'd played American football from high school through college and even made it all the way to the Arizona Cardinal's practice squad. I'd done it all though a genuine fascination with body building and diet, and if I'd been smarter I'd have hopped on a clever routine of bio-identical performance enhancers and pushed my game to the next level to make the big money, but I'd been scared and the guys who weren't made the cut that I didn't.

Fortunately I walked away with degrees in sports medicine and physical therapy allowing me to land on my feet working two jobs at a gym as a personal trainer and a clinic rehabilitating people post operation.

So my mother became my first client in this life, and in two years we'd worked her through several past injuries that never healed right and boosted her strength and conditioning to the point that she traded in the Special status in her rank and came home a full Jonin.

During this time she helped me study both Medical Ninjutsu and Puppetry. Puppetry, you ask? Isn't that a Sunagakure special? How the hell are you learning that in Konoha, Kiba? Well, my friends, Konoha has fought and won three world wars against the other villages and experienced decades of 'peace' in which we have captured and interrogated hundreds of enemy shinobi, and outside the Jonin who almost to a man can take their secrets to the grave, for every Chunin badass who will only repeat his ID number over and over while two guys with pliers pull his testicles in opposite directions there are a half dozen other guys who crack the moment the tools come out.

So basically techniques and training methods up to the Chunin level are universal. The villages just put on a little theater for each other so that people don't always have to think about all the espionage and torture that we do. Acting like we don't know everything about each other just makes international diplomacy more comfortable and lets us sell the idea of a unique identity to clients. You know, like we aren't all just the same pack of killers and thieves.

Anyway, Tsume got me copies of Konoha's manuals on puppetry and I've had a wonderful time making that a part of my own skill set. After all, what the fuck is Suna going to do about it. The five Great Shinobi villages break down like this. Konoha has the biggest population, enough to fight every other major nation and win three times throughout our history. Kumo has the highest percentage of Jonin, making them the most elite per capita. Iwa has the strongest economy, all that Earth Style comes in handy in mining, building, and agriculture. Kiri has a ridiculous variety of bloodlines, an advantage they'd done a fabulous job nullifying in house over the years. And last, if fucking sucks to be Suna cause they have nothing. At this point they are almost as pathetic as the various minor shinobi villages, but their dwindling supply of Jonin keeps that from being the truth just yet.

So yeah, I don't care if Suna wants me dead for openly practicing 'their' techniques. I truly don't. Seriously, if they put a bounty out on me I'd take my Clan into their desert and hunt down the Genin teams they have running water deliveries. Then we'd just watch them shrivel up over course of a week and laugh about what fools they were to fuck with us.

When Tsume came home with her full Jonin status she sat me and Hana down and had actual discussion about our father. Previously all she ever said about him was what a disappointment he was, and how Tsume ran him away, but relapsed briefly to have me. Not exactly a comforting version of events for kids growing up.

'Hey kids, don't be like your scumbag dad!'

This was a topic I already knew about, as I didn't just wake up one day as Kiba. I'd died in a drunken gun fight in the desert, gone to some kind of purgatory for a long fucking time, then traded in my good karma for a spin of Levid's Magical Wheel of Reincarnation. I'd landed on Naruto as the setting, The Son of Jiraiya as my origin, and Unrapable* as my super power. Note the asterisk, as all I really have are a pair of incredibly powerful and dexterous butt cheeks that can crush rocks to dust even when I'm doing the spits.

Having supernaturally powerful butt cheeks is actually a really good power, as your butt cheeks provide most of the go in your body. With powerful glutes you run faster, jump higher, and your flying knee turns into a ballistic missile.

The guy behind me in the line to spin the Wheel pointed out a wonderful point, as Sasuke would love to have my power to protect his tender boy cheeks from Orochimaru.

Too bad for him, it's only me who can't get bumjacked. He'll just have to pay the price for his revenge.

Anyhow, I already knew that I was the son of Jiraiya, turning a big heart to heart moment for Hana and Tsume into a meh meeting for me. What Tsume did however accomplish was a meeting with our dad in which I convinced the old perv to hand down his hair jutsu as my legacy. Honestly, I never got why no one went after those techniques in fanfictions, they paid the bills in fights against both Pain and Hanzo and the only other user of hair techniques in the setting was also an elite tier shinobi.

These techniques were the last puzzle piece for my non muchkinery build. I could channel them through my partner Baru, and though animal pelts specially treated for puppetry the same way Sasori spec's necromancer and turns dead bodies into puppets. That's a lot of hair and a lot of angles for these powerful techniques to come from.

Considering I'm not Ninja Jesus with the strongest Biju in my belly or Ninja Anti Christ with super angst eyes, having a set of techniques used successfully at the highest level meant I'd never have to rely on assclamping my enemies to death. Not that there aren't opportunities out there ripe for munchkinery, even more so if the movies are canon in this universe, though I believe only The Last was actually a part of the story.

Also I have to be careful because the Substitution Jutsu doesn't exist in this universe. The substitution was no longer used after the Sasuke Retrieval arc as Kishi or more likely his editor realized that an E Rank technique that no sells all other offensive techniques ruins the payoff of his big flashy jutsu. So the Substitution had to go for the quality of the work to be preserved.

And I am left to wonder if this world just got that edit retroactively or some evil bastard has gone down the list and applied logic to all the 'don't think about it' stuff.

Since Donzo isn't the god emperor of the Elemental Nations we can assume that is not the case. Not that Kotoamatsukami ever paid out what it promised considering Ao not only noticed it, but broke it when used on Mifune. Fucking Uchiha hype. Fucking Uchihas and their god damn plot armor coming in the form of a literal god damn suits of glowing armor.

I wish they'd all just die of irony poisoning.

Any how, you are now caught up on my childhood and can properly appreciate the beauty that is Lord Fluff Fluff, my tiger pelt version of whatever the fuck Sesshoumaru carried over his shoulder in Inuyasha. And let me tell you, Lord Fluff Fluff plus Needle Jizo plus Fang Over Fang into Needle Hell equals fuck everything in that general area. And if Lord Fluff Fluff should perish he is super easy to replace, barely an inconvenience. Seriously, the mega tiger population in the Forest of Death never seems to go down. It's almost like MMO spawns.

Plus Lord Fluff Fluff could be made of bear or wolves or bison, though he would look less fabulous. Hell, I've got a dozen side Fluff Fluffs just waiting to ascend to noble status. I'm a dirty dirty man like that.

Now, what lays under Lord Fluff Fluff's furry exterior… that'd be a real loss.

IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE FOR THOSE INTERESTED IN POWER SCALING

Alright folks, first off: this is all we are going to get about Kiba's childhood. I'm not some limp wristed slack jawed halfwit how gets his dick hard writing about a man doing things in a child's body. Fuck that, and fuck all those people who drop a hundred thousand words before the story even gets to the Academy. Fuck all that pedo-adjacent shit.

Now onto Power Scaling in Naruto Part one... we will work out what the fuck happened in Shippuden when we get there.

I'd like to posit that any SI dropped into a character like Kiba, Shikamaru, or Choji should have no problem getting to Genin level by age five. We have numerous examples in the setting of kids doing this without the advantage of actually being an adult.

So Kiba reaching this level is to be expected, not shocking. Now the real fun comes in when we apply the idea of an adult treating becoming a ninja like a job, rather than some unbelievable insert character training twenty hours a day and still losing to Sasuke in part one.

I put Kiba on a reasonable schedule of 300 training days a year between ages 5 and 12 when everyone graduates, that being six days a week with 13 sick days/vacation days. If he is putting in a reasonable eight hour days even split four high intensity strength and conditioning with four hours of study and skill acquisition that gives him 9600 hours in each category.

For a great example lets imagine that Guy and Lee put in ten hours a day of high intensity training and never get sick, injured, or have to slow their training on missions. Lee by the time we get to the Chunin exams is faster than any Jonin in Sunagakure before he uses the eight gates. He has accomplished this in 5475 hours of high intensity training, but likely far less.

That means the the Kiba in chapter one has put in nearly double the work that Lee has, and done this without any of Lee's handicaps. He has also spent 9600 hours in skill gain. If we go by the well reasoned idea that it takes 2000 hours to become an expert in something, Kiba has put in the time to become an expert in 4 fields and a journeyman in 1.

These fields are Inuzuka Jutsu, Bukijutsu (Ten Ten skills), Iryojutsu (Medical Jutsu), Puppetry, with a journeyman level in Hair Jutsu that will hit expert by the time of the Chunin Exams. These are five fields in which Kiba displays the skills of a Jonin, and all of this is just math, the idea that Kiba is just a regular schmuck rather than someone with a gifted or highly gifted IQ.

I'd also posit that Kiba has the second highest Chakra capacity in the village. Chakra is what you get when your spiritual energy and physical energy mix.

Spiritual energy capacity grows with education and experience. Kiba with two college degrees and thirty years of life experience in the bank as a baby would already place very highly in the village for total Spirit. Add in the fact that he has basically lived the last thirteen years playing the sigma grind set theme song in his head on repeat and we wind up at a guy with an enormous spirit score.

Physical energy capacity grows up as the body matures and lessens as the subject ages, and manually grows during physical training, a subject Kiba has 9600 hours logged of the highest quality. So Kiba has the Spiritual Energy of a Erudite 43 year old, and has massively grown his high quality teenager physical energy.

And all of these calcs are assuming he is baseline, no special modifiers for his clan advantages and gifted IQ. It is reasonable to assume that Kiba is very powerful, just due to the mechanics of the setting and the inputs.

Disagree with my reasoning? Put your ideas on the topic in the comments.

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