3 A Deal with the Devil

Emily's POV:

Everything was blank.

I couldn't think anything clearly. It was hazy. I felt nothing, confused and empty, till the memories of all my life came crashing down to me.

I saw every possible moment of in my life replay like a film inside my head. All the evident joy, comfort, tragic losses, terrible pain, helpless anger and the overwhelming sadness naturally brought with them.

I experienced all of them in a single moment. It was enough for me to feel like my mind and heart being blasted apart, unable to hold on. After all that unspeakable torture was over, I was ultimately able 'know' what really happened.

I was having a nice chat with my sister, my only family left. Then suddenly she dies right in front of my eyes and I couldn't do anything, for reasons unknown. The same way I was unable to, when I was a kid and my entire family died.

Well, I guess I'm dead too. But that didn't help me handle my depression I'm having right now. I could feel the magic inside me disperse before, but now all of it is raging and becoming really unstable, just like my emotions.

The horrid pain caused by loosing something, the sole thing precious in the hateful life, is definitely not something to comprehend easily or felt. The pain gives an emotional scar. The scar leaves marks behind. Marks that represent the void, that can never be filled. The void which gradually becomes your entirety. Left with nothing, just a hollow shell with no essence of your own. And one can't escape it. I decidedly can't get out of it.

Yukino's death replayed again and again, the hopelessness and despair I felt too, along with it.

I recalled all my life spent with her, from the moment my family died, Yukino was all I had and I didn't want to loose her too. I learnt everything that would help me keep her safe. I risked learning magic without any guidance and I did.

I thought that was enough to avenge my family and spent rest of my life peacefully. But no, I was wrong. I couldn't be anymore wrong. And it cost me this misery.

That was sufficient to break me even after I die. Nothing I had was useful to save my only sister; my magic, my skills, nothing helped.

I felt like crying for the first time after my family's death. I practiced magic precisely to avoid such scenario. The result, I didn't even manage to make it out alive. And now my magic is unwillingly going somewhere I don't know. I'm unable to control it.

And that was enough. I hated this feeling of not having control over what's happening. I was powerless to save my sister but to be helpless regarding magic, my magic, was seriously enough. My magic can die with me if I'm dying. No other chance I'm giving it.

With this newfound goal, I completely started resisting the force which was taking away my magic. The more I held, the more it tried to take away and couldn't. It was all but impossible to hold on, but I didn't give up. At that point I started suffering horrible pain. The one which was about to rival the dreadful pain I'm in due to Yukino's loss.

By degrees the pain was getting the better of me. I started losing my magic again and was tempted to give in. But I didn't want to. Magic is the only thing that was left of Yukino within me. With that in my mind, I was able to struggle desperately through this. If there was a hell, then this is it.

Time never seemed endless as it is now. Every passing second seemed to be eternity. I was barely hanging on. The agony seeped to my soul. It felt like my entire being was disintegrating part by part, like my bones being slowly ground to dust. Humans are the most adaptable species. I can be the proof of it, because as insane as it might sound, I was able to bear this suffering. How, I don't know. Why, I knew that.

I felt this should be my redemption if I can have any at all. I never thought I could find relief from this torment, to forget my grief. I felt pathetic. Indeed, I was.

All of a sudden, my self-deprecating thoughts were with difficulty, interrupted by a tiny, almost non-existent voice. I tried listening to it now that I was finally able to divert my attention to something other than the inflection I'm under. It was hard, but not impossible.

"-hold on, do not give up, you must not agree to it...do not accept the...it is a trap..."

Wow, I'm actually hallucinating in 'this' desperate situation. There must be no more sanity left in me. I'm officially insane, broken, pathetic, helpless,-

"Your struggle is insignificant. Just give up."

My thoughts were interrupted, again. How rude, I can't even curse myself now. I paid no attention to the gruff voice, and was about to continue my self-torment, but the b****, couldn't stay calm.

"You cannot-"

"Shut up and get the hell outta here, you b****"was my reply.

Good, there wasn't any more reply and I can continue blaming myself, but I swear, that stupid force just increased its 'pull'. Now even I can't handle it with all that insanity left in me. What the hell, oh I forgot, this was hell.

But I didn't want to be stuck in hell. I want to go where my family is now that I'm dead too, and they sure aren't meant to be in this place. With this realization, I grit my teeth and refused let my magic be taken away. I held on for like, too long, long enough for whoever is doing this to loose patience.

"Let us make a deal, I can't bear to see you like this anymore"

I wasn't interested in anything, so I ignored. That fella, whatever the nasty thing it is, must be irritated, because the pressure on me increased yet again. It made many offers, and I felt sickly satisfied at ruining its mood. Although that just increased my pain yet again.

"I shall let you meet your family"

That really had my attention, and it got me there. And 'it' must have felt that too, so it continued.

"I shall say it once again, I shall let you meet your family, so now give up your struggle."

"Oh, what a tempting offer it is. You really got me."

"Then why are you still resisting me?"

"You...are not my type, so get the f*** off b****"

Who does it think it is, trying to make a deal with the insane. And it tried to fool me. Which idiot would use 'shall'. That clearly shows that you're not committed.

"!!!!*/-/*@##$&*(/*-+_)*"

It said something incomprehensible and with that everything went blank once again. Before I go back not be able to think again, I heard the tiny voice from before. It was similar to a gasp, then shock, amazement, etc. to finally glad and cheerful. It said something like, 'thank goodness, you didn't listen to it...so...' and due bad signals, aka my mental state being completely f***** up, I could hear close to nothing.

I just hope to see my family again. Hope they don't have to suffer like this. If they had to, then I swear on my love for them, I will make whoever did this pay a price so tough that even the devil would weep.