59 Chapter 58: What I Want to Answer

[Dagda POV]

"I got it Morrigan, Lugh successfully convinced the devils to help us, but he said that there are some troubles in Hell that happened which caused us to lose some strong allies."

"Really what is it? All we know is that Yahweh attacked Hell about 2 months ago, so if you're saying we lost allies in Hell, then could it be that they were killed?"

"*Sigh* No, the good thing is that not a single Archdemon was killed, except for King Jarren and Queen Xuntea which we already know. But, Satanael, Mammon, Azazel, Baphomet, and Lucifer's only child Milicas Lucifer have joined Yahweh to destroy the Universe. And so, a civil war happened between the demons and the fallen angels, which caused many of the Archdemons to be injured, but the good news is that none of the Archdemons died and they were victors from the battle, also only a few fallen angels fought against them."

"Oh my... So Yahweh is serious in making moves on Hell... This is bad, so did Yahweh say that he's gonna plan on attacking Hell again?"

"No, he hasn't told us any of his plans yet, actually he hasn't even told us that Satanael and the other 4 Archdemons have joined him."

"That's suspicious... Considering that this happened about 2 months ago, and you and I along with had a meeting on Heaven not long ago.."

Remembering their meeting with the Gods, Yahweh was silent most of the time.

And if Satanael who is the strongest Archdemon as of now has joined forces with Yahweh, without even the Gods knowing. Could Yahweh have different intentions than the Gods?

It made both Dagda and Morrigan confused about Yahweh's movement, but for now they decided not to dig deeper into it and wait until the times come.

***

[Haruki Hotaru POV]

As of right now, I'm still stuck here alone in my room.

Well, it's only been about 4 or 5 hours when Lugh came, but my body just wouldn't stop hurting every time I move, even if I move a little bit, it still stings. And what's worst of all is that I can't even sleep! I want to yell out to any God of Sleeps out there in the world to put me to sleep so that I won't have to endure this endless suffering, but of course, I'm a devil an enemy of the Gods.

"*Sigh* Such luck that I have."

Knock! Knock! "Haruki! Are you still awake?"

I can hear Ruri's voice from the other side of the door, what is she doing at this hour? It's already very late at night and she's still awake? I could've thought that she fell asleep in Akemi's room because she's the only one who hasn't visited me yet.

Well to be honest, I thought that she doesn't want to visit me because she and Phenex have almost the same opinion of both hating me for some unknown reason. "I'm still awake!" I shouted back at her. Actually, there are some times that I got to see some hidden sides of Ruri, like when she's nice or embarrassed to me.

Ruri opened the door slowly, and when I saw her, I couldn't react but being embarrassed or feel flustered in my sight.

I was blushing really hard and my mouth was open from shock because Ruri came here with her nightgown on. And to be honest, it's a 10/10, no an 11/10 to be exact. She's a real beauty in her nightgown.

"What are you looking at!? You complete pervert!"

"No! No! No! You misunderstand! I was just shocked that someone like you is wearing a nightgown!"

"*Hmp!* You idiot..." She closed her eyes and looked away at me with a pout. "*Sigh* So? How are you doing Haruki? This is your first time getting stabbed on the stomach especially being stabbed through by 5 swords at the same time, so seeing you holding it up is impressive, especially for someone like you."

"Well, it actually hurts a lot, more as it hurts like something I imagined it to be, so that's why I can't even sleep properly because it's very painful to move. What about you Ruri? How are you holding up after almost draining up your life and collapsing from overusing your skills?"

Ruri came closer to me and sat at the chair where Luna sat before. "I'm doing fine, nothing changes much from my body even when I overused my skills." Ruri replied with a deep and tired sigh. "But, there are times when I'll feel dizzy, but the dizziness is normal just like before except that it's more frequent than before."

"*Sigh* Seriously, you should take care of your body properly! Who knows when will it be when you suddenly weaken."

"*Tsk* What are you my father? For someone as strong and beautiful as me, I wouldn't die very quickly."

"Seriously, how can you even say that with a smug face? You know that I'm not joking when I told you that."

"I know! Jeez, every time I talk to you; you always complain, is that what you always do?"

"*Sigh* What are you still even awake Ruri? I thought that you were inside Akemi's room, so what are you doing here? Did you come here because you want to know how I'm feeling?-"

"Ew no." Ruri just immediately answered my question the moment that I was about to finish it and I can't be more hurt than ever, because a girl just told me that. If possible, I want to die now because I'm depressed.

"*Sigh* I heard from Chizuru about what you talked about with the God Lugh..."

"Oh... So what do you think? I'm very stupid for using my position as a King to make everyone agree with me. Even if it's not directly, I think I know that they only agreed on joining because of my position." Even if they said no to my decision, I'll accept it no matter what their decision is.

Because after all, saving the world from Gods is an impossible feat to do, especially since that they're leader; me, is weaker than all of them.

"No, to be honest everyone was hoping for you to accept Lugh's favor, so we're surprised that you accepted it. So can I ask, why did you accept it Haruki? Don't tell me that it's because it looks cool or whatever."

Ruri asking me that reminded me of that blonde girl who forced me to say yes, even if I don't want to agree with her, I was still forced to do so.

And since Ruri is right about everyone being surprised that I accepted it; it's because I didn't accept Lugh because I think it's cool or will benefit me or Hell, but it's because that mysterious beautiful blonde girl asked me to accept Lugh's favor.

Even if I want to say no because I'm afraid that everyone will meet their end when I accepted it, but part of me says that what the mysterious blonde girl is saying is better than what my gut or mind is saying to me.

It's very confusing to explain why my other side of me wants me to believe her because I, myself didn't know why I accepted Lugh's offer and that girl's answer.

"Actually Ruri, remember that blonde beautiful girl that I saw in my dream and when I first got my skills? She decided on it, and I just said yes because that's what her decision is."

"I see... But Haruki, what is your actual decision? I know that you deeply care about us which I'm very grateful for, but don't you think that what this imaginary girlfriend of yours is saying is the truth?"

Imaginary girlfriend? Having one is worse than being a neet. "*Sigh* I don't know what I want, as of now I'm confused about what my body and mind want."

"*Sigh* So you're still undecided on what your true answer is. *Sigh* that's troublesome, really troublesome... You really need to decide on what you truly feel, not what others want. I don't care about your imaginary girlfriend or whatever she is, but letting others decide for you will usually make a dangerous outcome for not only you but also everyone around you Haruki."

"I know... But this is a first for me; because Talya finding out about the Gods' plan on this world and Lugh coming here to seek our help is very sudden to analyze completely."

"*Sigh* Then I'll leave you to it, by then I'm gonna go to Shota's room to check on him." Ruri stood up and opened the door.

"Wait Ruri! I want to know if Akemi's okay."

"Most of her injuries are now gone, but her mind was completely damage, but good thing is that she's gonna be okay, and I don't really want to disturb and see Ryou's stupid face, so I came here to check on you and Shota."

Poor Ryou... I feel bad that Ruri is saying that to him, but at least I got to see that Ruri returning to her normal way of speaking and insulting someone. "Then take care then Ruri, if possible can you come here again and tell me about Shota's condition next."

"Sure take care then Haruki." Before leaving and closing the door, she whispered "I hope that you'll recover quickly Haruki..."

"What is that Ruri? Did you say something?"

"Nothing you stupid idiot!" Ruri shouted and slam the door when she closed it.

"*Sigh* Good to see her usual embarrassed self return." Looking at the ceiling and I repeated to myself what Ruri asked me.

What did I want as my answer? I kept on judging myself what my true answer or what I want to do when as long as I remember.

Even back on Earth, I'm like this. I kept on relying on my parents and my friends' decisions; that I don't know what my next action in my life would be.

I'm always useless against others that are dear to me, and it can never change. Due to the lack of trust and confidence that I have in myself.

Is it because I'm afraid that my decisions would change the environment and the people around me? Or am I just a coward? But even so, both of those answers are bad.

For me, there will never be a good answer, because that's how I was born, to begin with.

Because I, Haruki Hotaru is nothing but a weak, coward, stupid, and useless boy that affected the life of the people around me badly.

Every bit of decision I make can affect anyone either bad or good.

What the h*ck am I even saying when I said to the citizens of Hell. "We'll show the Gods that we can get our revenge for the losses that we took, and avenge everyone who has passed away, by my words. We'll wage war on them." Seriously, I'm really stupid for saying that.

I can't believe that I got everyone's hopes up when I said that.

Without noticing it, I fell asleep from my constant ranting to myself.

I opened my eyes slowly, and yet again I saw that guy Lucifer in front of me drinking a cup of tea with a smile on his face. "How are you doing Haruki? I'm sorry to call you again on the same day."

"Seriously, you're getting annoying... So what do you want now Lucifer? Knowing you, I guess it's about me ranting about my decision or Lugh coming here."

"Good guess Haruki, I'm happy that you're getting to know me better. Then about that, I heard the conversation between you and the current General of Vainglory Ruri Astaroth. And to be honest I agree with what she said because you can't keep on relying on what others want. After all, I know many few people who have perished because of that reason."

"What do you expect Lucifer? Not anyone can rely on themselves, because people like me are always afraid of everything, even if it's only a little bit we'll worry about it."

"Hmm..? Then why don't take on a different path then? Different from what you truly are, like a different Haruki Hotaru perhaps."

"You just said that I can't keep on relying on what others decide, and you're telling me that?"

"This is not a decision of mine Haruki, but a suggestion of mine. Those two are different Haruki, Suggestion is when-"

"Okay stop..! Jeez..! I don't need your grade-schooler lecture."

"Then Haruki, this is another suggestion, you haven't talked to your soul for a long time, right? Then why not get their opinions on this? After all, they're your own self and are part of you right?"

"Talk to my own soul? But I don't even know how to talk to them, I can only talk to them from Master Ifrit's help for opening this soul space to talk to them and get a new skill."

Lucifer let out a small laugh. "What do you think am I doing here Haruki?'

"Fine, then let's do it then." Talking to my souls huh? this is gonna be my first time having an actual conversation with them.

I remember Millie teaching me about the property and parts of a soul, I think it's about 10,000 demi-souls combined to make a single true soul.

And each demi-souls has a task to the body of their host. Examples of the demi-souls are the skill soul and the Guidance Soul.

"Haruki, since we're in a space different from reality, you won't need to travel to the soul space, because they'll come here themselves, and I'm only gonna call the 3 most important demi-souls, which are the mind soul, the guidance soul, and the body soul."

"Sure." I only remember the Guidance Soul, which is the first soul I ever met when I got my skills.

"Then 1... 2... 3..! Come forth, the souls of Hotaru Haruki!" Raising both of his arms upward and shouting what he's saying to contact the three demi-souls.

My chest then started to shine brightly with colors, a black light that shone from my chest came and a soul came. "I'm the guidance soul, it's nice to see you again Master." The light then turned pink and another soul came. "I'm the mind soul, it's a pleasure to meet you, my Master." And finally, my chest turned into the color of red and the last soul came out. "I'm the body soul, it's a pleasure to meet you, my host."

So these are the three important demi-souls in the body of a person, to be honest, I expected something cool to come out, but I remembered that when I first got my skills; the Guidance and Skill souls were nothing but a small orb.

"It's nice to meet you all, actually I invited you three here to talk with all of you, so is it okay?"

The three souls answered. "It's an honor to have a conversation with you Master."

"Then you three probably heard my decision and my conversation with Ruri right? So I want to ask you three, is my decision to trust what that girl said correct? And is Ruri right that I need to make decisions on my own?"

"Master, as the mind soul, I completely agree to what Ruri Astaroth has said because even if I agree with what that girl said about you joining the Celtic God Lugh, there will be times when you'll be alone in this adventure in your life. And as the soul of your mind, it is my duty to keep your mentality in check, and what your mind said is what I want to do, and I know that you already know your answer is, since what you believe it to be is what is true."

What I believe is true? But I don't even know what I believe in? And my own soul that controls my state of mind know the answer?

"Master, as the soul of your body, I agree to what Ruri Astaroth and the girl said because that's what is your gut telling you isn't Master? Because the body isn't the one to make the true the decision but what the controller; you is the one who'll make it."

What my gut will say? And my own decision? This is getting more confusing. But... Is it really my true answer? Both my gut and mind told me that my answer is...

"As the Guidance Soul, what both your mind and body are what will guide you to your answer Master, because you can only guide yourself, but at the same time being guided by someone can lead to good things too. Keep what your mind tells you intact always and keep what your gut feeling is equal to your mind, because being guided by anyone or by yourself will get you more knowledge of both good and bad, but that doesn't mean that the bad knowledge you get is useless Master. In fact, the good is always equal to the bad, there will never be a good being nor a bad being, equality is at its finest right now."

Both are true? My decision and their decisions are both an option to goodness and badness, but I can use that as an advantage for new knowledge?

"So Haruki Hotaru, I'll leave you be for now and decide on what your new path in life is. Goodbye for now."

"Wait!-" Before I even stopped Lucifer from bringing me back to reality, I was already back to my room.

"Are you okay Haruki?" When I looked at my side, I saw Luna sitting there and looking at me worriedly.

I was breathing heavily, and shaking after I woke up from that dream, but what was it perhaps?

What do my souls mean? Is my decision right? Or is it wrong?