17 The Good News is...

I awoke feeling a little out of sorts. My dream of Jude was unsettling to say the least. I don't know what brought it on, but I was unable to shake the feeling that something was really wrong with him. I also couldn't shake the scene in the kitchen yesterday. True, I've only known Gram a couple of months, but she didn't strike me as the sort that would lose her shtuff like that. I could see Jimmy doing something like. He strikes me as the type to throw a temper fit or two. I'd like to hide out in my room in fear like normal, but I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon and there is no way anyone here is going to let me miss it.

Gram told me I was running out of time to decide and I needed to at least get checked out and have an ultrasound to see where I was at in the pregnancy. She said it would make my decision easier if I knew how far along I was for sure because it would tell me exactly how much time I had left to make up my mind. I wasn't showing at all and I've been able to blame my weight gain on being clean and sober. Speaking of weight, I am starving so I guess I'd better, 'buck up buttercup' as May would say, and go downstairs.

I made it to the bottom of the stairs when I heard Gram talking to someone. "Don't get your panties in a wad, Sis; ain't nobody said a thing." She said. "It's not our secret to tell, you know."

"I know. I just worry..." I know that voice!! I burst into the room and wrapped my arms around her before she could finish her sentence. "Missy! I have missed you so much." She wrapped me in her arms and kissed my forehead.

"I missed you, Mom. I'm so glad to see you."

"Me too." I heard Gram clear her throat. Mom pulled me from the embrace to look at me. "Though I wish my visit was under better circumstances." Sorrow was etched across her face and I could tell she was trying not to cry.

"What do you mean? What happened?"

"Come on, honey. We have to talk." She took me by the shoulder and led me into the living room. We sat on the couch and I watched her look everywhere but at me. "There's really no easy way to say this."

I put my hand on her thigh to calm her down. "Mom! Just say it."

She blinked back tears. "It's Jude. Honey." I clapped my hand to my mouth, shaking my head. "I know how much he means to you."

The tears came in a flood. "He's dead?"

She smiled a little. "No, honey. He's alive. For now. He's currently on life support. He's not expected to recover."

The car accident. My dream was real? Oh my god, oh my god. Oh. My. God. I let out breath I had been holding. "Car accident?" I asked to confirm what I thought I knew.

"No."

"No? Then what? Overdose? What?" She reached into her purse and pulled out a letter addressed to me from Jude. "He didn't..."

"Oh, no. No, he didn't. It was his dad, Melissa. His dad shot him. The news said he had taken a plea deal for testifying against his dad and clearly his dad was not having it. This letter came in the mail for you the day it happened. I'm so sorry, Missy." I squeezed her and let my tears fall.

**

I no longer had an appetite. I felt hollow inside, but I did eat a sandwich only because Gram hovered over me until I had finished it. When it came time to leave for my appointment, Gram insisted on taking Mom along. I tried to argue because I didn't want to tell her about the baby, but Gram said her consent would be needed if I chose to terminate the pregnancy. Suffice to say Mom didn't take the news well. She said a lot awful things about Jude and agreed that termination was the best course of action considering. Gram disagreed with her, most ardently. I stayed out of it as best I could and just let them hash it out while we drove to town. I only offered up the occasional 'whatever' and 'I don't know' when they directed the conversation to me in the backseat. I chose instead, to read and reread Jude's last letter.

Missypants –

Im so sorry, Melissa. I know you prolly hate me now. You should tho I deserv it. I kno I hurt you. I dint want to do that to you. But my dad...

God, I hate him so much!! You allredy kno he makes run drugs for him, but I never told you that he also makes me get girls for him. He likes them my age and younger. He wanted you but I refused him. I told him you were mine. He dint believe me so I had to prove it. He was driving that nite. I wish I could take it back. But he said if I dint, he would. I just couldn't let him. Even if you ended up hating me, I couldn't live with myself if he touched you.

Im sorry, Missypants. I really am. I miss your face. I wish you were hear to tell me everything was gonna be ok like you normally do but I kno it isn't tru. Im goin to jail for a long time unless I snitch on my dad I kno I shouldn't cause 'snitches get stiches' but I fell like if I go down, he should to

Imma do the right thing for once. For you I promise

Love Always

Judas the Betrayer

I wish I could find the right words to express what my heart feels right now. It's like I'm feeling every emotion possible all at once, yet I'm numb. The world around me has disappeared into a haze of shadows and shapes. My brain wasn't processing any of the things Gram and Mom were arguing about if they were arguing. I don't know. I mindlessly signed whatever paper Gram put in front me at the doctor's office without even looking at them. I held onto Jude's letter, even though Mom asked for it when the nurse called my name. I refused to let it go. Weight, blood pressure taken, peed in a cup; I barely spoke. I followed the nurse to a large room near the back with Mom and Gram in tow. I sat where they told me to, did what they asked. Watched the grainy screen as they used their machine to look at the baby. I saw what they called a heartbeat and that was enough for me. I turned away as they chatted about this feature and that. I didn't even pay attention when the nurse or tech or whatever she was gasped a little. I saw Mom clamp her hand over her mouth while Gram remained stoic, locking eyes with me. Today they were violet which calmed my nerves a bit.

"The good news is..." the tech, nurse began. "The pregnancy is still within the legal window if you plan to terminate..."

"I'm having it." I interrupted. Gram smiled and turned her attention to the screen. I turned my attention to Mom before she could say anything and I added. "It's all I have left of my friend, Mom. I can't give it up. I have to have it. I want this baby, Mom."

"But you're only fifteen." She argued.

"I know how old I am."

"She has family, Sarah. She won't have to this alone." Gram offered with a hand on Mom's shoulder.

"But it's twins, Gram! Twins! At fifteen!"

Wait. What? I shot a look to the tech person. "What?"

She smiled and pointed to the screen where she had highlighted the two occupants in my womb. "Baby one here, baby two here. Both with good strong heartbeats."

"Twins." I let the shock of the news hover in the air a bit. Mom tried to console me and get me to reconsider my decision. "I am still going through with it, Mom. I don't care how many are in there. I'll figure it out."

She sucked up a disappointed breath and let it slowly. "Okay, baby girl. Whatever you say."

Then I asked the nurse the only question I could think of. "Why twins?" She just shrugged her shoulders as Gram answered for her.

"Twins run in your family, Magpie. Didn't your mama ever tell you that?" If looks could kill, Gram would be a pile of ash from the glare my mother shot her. I bet this has to do with that story May never got around to telling me.

"Sounds like another family secret. Care to share? Mom?" Now her look would have fried me.

"You know what?" she snapped, looking at her watch. "I've got a plane to catch tonight so I don't really have that kind of time to get into all that. You can ask your gramma about that. I'm sure she knows the whole story. Don't ya Gertrude?"

"But it's not..."

"Yours to tell. I know. But, since she's already met at least one of my sisters, I suppose the cat is out of the bag. I hereby give you and May permission to tell her that story and only that story!"

"Understood." Okay, that implied there was more than one family secret that Mom was hiding. No doubt one of them has to do with why I don't look like my dad, like she always said I did. Well, if she wasn't going to tell me the truth, I find it on my own. It may not be anyone's story to tell, but it's mine to learn. And I will learn. I will uncover every family bs secret there is. I've got almost ten months left here with the family; I can figure it all out in that time. So, first the twin story, then I'm going to dig into my dad's story. For the first time since my arrival, I had something to look forward to. I finally want to know who these people are and how I fit into them. I want to know them. ALL of them.