35 Epilogue

Dearest Diary,

My year is up! What a year it has been. It's hard to believe it's been a whole year since I first got here all strung out and scared to death. I had no idea I had such a huge family. And by huge, I don't just mean there's a lot of them but that they are ginormous. Like hella tall. I've grown a couple of inches this year and still shorter than most of them. Mom and Dad are shorter than me. Dad… I still can't wrap my head around the fact that the most obnoxious smart ass on the place is my real dad. I wish I would have known him growing up. We get along great now, but we are a lot alike. In looks and in personality. We grate each other's nerves, but I know that he loves me and that's something pretty awesome.

Gramma gave me a picture of myself that she took the day I arrived. Man! Did I look AWFUL. I looked like a ghost. Way too skinny and way too pale. And as much as I don't like to admit, I did look like I fell face first into a tackle box. What was I thinking? And that hair style! OMG. The things drugs do to us. *cringe*

I've come a long way Diary. I've grown up a lot, I think but I know I still got a way to go. I remember not ever wanting to have kids, but now that I have Jackie and Gabe… I seriously can't imagine life without them. They are the best thing that has happened to me so far and that is really saying something. My first few months here may have been the hardest I've endured to date, but I'm glad I went through it. I'm clean. I'm happy. I'm a mama. I'm loved and wanted. What more could I ask for.

Speaking of which, now that I've completed my required time, Gramma has restored my 'family privileges' as she calls them. She gave me back all my jewelry and my phone. I can do whatever I want with my hair, too. She also told me I had the choice of living here in the big house with her or moving into my parents' home. They said they'd add on to make room for me, but I want to stay with Gramma. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. Really. And I missed Mom something fierce before she moved back here to be with Dad. But now that she is here, within walking distance, I am more comfortable living away from her.

Gramma also said I could go back to public school or continue with homeschool. I'd miss my babies too much so I'm going to finish my high school at home. I'll consider college when they get a little older. I never wanted to go anyway, and I really want to learn the type of martial arts May does. That and I like working with Dad and the animals. He picked up a new puppy last week and he promised to teach me how to train it the right way, so I'll know what I'm doing when I get my own dog. I would love to have a dog like Mars, and as much as I'd like to think she has adopted me as her person since she follows me everywhere and watches over my babies when I'm busy, I know she will always be Gramma's first and foremost.

I actually kinda hope I get another skunk. I know they aren't 'pets' per se, but Jackie was… well, I miss him. Let's leave it at that. Can you believe it, Diary? Snarky little city girl, me misses a skunk. And Bojangles. I miss Bojangles. And Jude. I can't tell you how happy I was to see him in person. He looked really healthy. He seemed to have gotten a little taller too, over the year. Is it wrong for me to wish he doesn't get punished too harshly for what he's done? I know it was bad and I guess if I didn't know him like I do, I'd probably want him to rot in jail for life. I'm sure those girls would love for him to get maximum penalties and I can understand that. But I know his heart. I know he's sorry and that he did all that while he was on drugs and stuff. I guess I'll just have to trust God with him. I'm still learning how to do that. I do hope Jude writes though. I really do. Know matter what he's done, he's my friend and I love him. And if I never get to see or hear from him again, at least I get to keep a part of him in those beautiful babies of ours. I don't care how they came about, I'm glad they are here.

Oh, and what to do about Josh. He made so angry!! I probably overreacted though. He probably felt threatened by Jude because we have history. That or it's the fact that Jude is better looking? I don't know. I've never thought of Jude the way I think of Josh. Jude has never set my body on fire with a touch like Josh does. My lusty dreams never starred Jude like they do Josh. And even though I have Jude's kids, I never had much than a passing thought of being with him. But Josh? Josh, I could see staying with for life. I have my two kids and he still has the kids his baby mama dropped off at Christmas, (no one has heard hide nor hair of her since and we found out Toni's dad is in prison). And Bethany. I have Bethany as long as I live in the big house, so together, we have five kids right now. Me at 16. He at 20. Crazy to think about especially since we aren't dating. I won't date yet (too young and too busy) and he says he doesn't want to date anyone either (kids). But still… It's more than a passing thought.

I don't know, you think I should apologize for yelling at him? I don't appreciate the whole 'I'm her boyfriend' thing but I didn't give him a chance to explain his reasoning behind it so I kinda feel bad.

OH yeah!! Get this! Jude and I ARE cousins!!! Right? Creepy. Cool creepy, but creepy. Good thing I'm Jimmy's kid and not Jeremy's. Turns out that Jude's mom and Jeremy were siblings on their dad's side just like Gram and I imagined. What a tiny little world we live in. Gram told me that her ex-husband, Johnny had more children with other women and sarcastically suggested I get DNA tests on whomever I choose to date to make sure they aren't related. Josh's birthday is next week so maybe I'll by him one of those ancestry kits… You never know.

I'm looking forward to what life has in store for me now. Now that I have chosen to spend 'My life with Gramma'…