78 No better way to dampen the mood than to bring up an ex

All the logic and intelligence I had in my head must've evaporated somewhere while I had been distracted by JJ's presence. I had no reasons to be so unsure of myself. He expressed his interest in me on many occasions, and here I was, giving him just what he wanted. There were no reasons for the anxiety that filled my stomach.

Still, my heart clenched uncomfortably as I waited for one imminent blow or another. A refusal? Just general smugness? JJ, throwing in my face how easy I was? It didn't matter that never in our time together had he ever once shown himself able to say these words. In this terrifying second, my mind was beyond reason.

The longer he sat silent, the more nervous I grew, until I couldn't bear it anymore. I tensed, ready to just stand up and leave, when JJ stopped me with a cool touch of his hand on my knee. His lips were spread in a wide, joyful smile, with not even a hint of ill intent, though with quite some amusement at my expense.