8 Unworthiness

Those who well do not need a physician, but the sick do. I did not come to call the righteous but sinners.

- Mark 2:17

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The fire left nothing to Princess.

No car, no money not even a single coin, no jewelry or credit card.

What remained was only the things she wore.

Princess: I guess this time onwards I will be living a new lifestyle.

Ms. Sunny: New lifestyle = New life.

Princess: I hope so.

She smilingly said and fondly watching the street children outside the car's window while Ms. Sunny was carefully driving to go back to her residence. Suddenly, heavy traffic caught them and got stocked.

Ms. Sunny: Oh! It seems that we will spend a lot of time here. Jesus must be teaching us patience.

When she heard her spoke about Jesus she then remembered how He rescued her during the fire incident. From that night she was looking forward to meeting him.

Ms. Sunny: Princess have you already entered that cathedral?

Princess: Cathedral? Where?

Then Ms. Sunny pointed to her the cathedral which was 20 meters away from them. Seeing it Princess became alive and without hesitation, she opened the car's door.

Princess: Nanny, go ahead. I have to meet someone.

Ms. Sunny: And who is that someone? I want to meet him too.

Princess: Someone named Jesus.

Ms. Sunny: Jesus? Do you mean, you want to enter inside the cathedral? Sure, go ahead and take your time.

She was brightly smiling at her.

Princess: No, I won't enter. I will meet him somewhere.

Ms.Sunny: How come? He's on the altar waiting for you.

Princess: The Jesus I'm looking for is truly a man. I don't know how to explain this nor where to find him.

Ms. Sunny: What?

Princess: Don't worry I will be home before the sun comes down.

She ran and went to the cathedral.

When she was in front her eyes oversaw the big crucifix hanging on the top of the altar. This time unexplainable feelings arouse. She decided to step back but it seemed someone from inside was pulling her foot. After a few minutes, it became numb and began to tremble.

" No Jesus, not here.

Let's meet somewhere."

With great resistance, she turned her back on the cathedral but an old beggar who was sitting at the door post caught sight of her struggles.

"Why are you stopping yourself? The church isn't a haunted house and it's not a place to be afraid of. Instead, it's a place of refuge. Come on young lady, don't waste your time standing outside. God longs for your presence."

" I'm sorry, I can't!"

" Why not? You're here because you're looking for Jesus right! He's truly inside patiently waiting for you. Please go inside."

" How can I?

All my life I've been cruel to him. I hated him, blamed him, and even cursed him. What a great shame if I will enter."

" Shame? Are you ashamed of God?"

" I'm not worthy of this place nor His love. I'm a great sinner."

Princess's teary eyes started to red a signal that it can fall anytime.

"Unworthy? To tell you, no one on earth is worthy of Him, not even those people who were inside. But He made you and all of us worthy of His love and mercy." With quick hands, Princess got her handkerchief and immediately wipe her tears before he could notice them.

"Some people like you don't want to go to church or participate in the mass simply because they're ashamed of their wrongdoings. But some aren't ashamed of God but the people. They're afraid to be judge and become the subject of their gossips.

But to whom do you look for?

Who do you want to encounter?

It's God or them?

The church is for all!"

" But not for me!"

"Does a sick person needs a doctor? Does she or he needs the hospital?"

" Of course."

" The church is like the hospital and God is the Divine doctor. Some whenever they've sinned, they felt ashamed of God. Instead of looking for Him to ask for spiritual treatment, they deprived themselves of coming to Him.

The church is for everybody, holy and sinners, righteous or not it does belong to all.

Shall we go inside?"

The old beggar happily extended his right hand to her.

" I'm sorry but..." She remembered the wish she made in this cathedral 14 years ago, 'to enter inside with her dad.' In the silence of her heart, she asked herself 'How can I if I still harbor hatred with him.'

" Sorry I can't."

" It's alright. When you're ready don't hesitate to come over for He is patiently waiting for you 24 hours."

With a genuine smile, he left her and went to meet his Lord and Savior.

Before leaving the place Princess spent some time gazing at the cross on the top of the cathedral. And with a deep sigh, she said.

" I'm sorry Jesus but I can't forgive him."