1 That feeling..?

Have you ever had the feeling that nobody is ever listening to you? Well, welcome to the club. Almost ever you have ever known is here. Everyone who hasn't been completely consumed by the thought that they are better than everybody else; that is.

Everybody who you think isn't listening to you isn't being listened to. but what would I know, right? I'm just a high schooler; everybody believes that I know nothing of the world. Nobody ever seems to consider that maybe we should be treated with the same respect as adults. Don't get me wrong; I'm still a kid, and I want to live life as a child as much as I can, but... Is it really fair that they expect us to transition into being adults so quickly?

I don't know about you, but I'm sick or getting told that I need help, and not getting any when I ask for it. I have myself convinced that nobody cares in my darkest times. I know that they are there. I know they are, but I can't see them through the dark space that surrounds my head. Are they there because they want to be? Is it only because they feel bad for me? Do they really love me, or do they say that because they are supposed to?

I'm never quite sure of what I am, or even what I'm supposed to be. When I was young, I was told that I was "above average", and I held that with me through being bullied because I was 'better' and 'smarter'. In the end it was a load of bullshit because I ended up getting an ego, but that got trashed real quick, but that's a story for another time. What I'm saying is that they expect things of me. Things.. that I can't fulfill. They expect me to be smarter, stronger, but how am I supposed to do that without help? I'm sure you know how i feel though, right? Nothing we can do about it though, eh..

I just wish more things could be straightforward. Not like me, I am a-okay, and one hundred and one percent Gay. But that is, again, a story for another time.

Why can't they just tell me what they want for once? At least tell me what I'm supposed to be drawing on this mask that I wear. I want to know how to make them happy, how to make them proud, but I never reach it.

Thanks for listening, dear friend, I know this wasn't really the beginning, but it tells you something; doesn't it? I'll talk in a bit; looks like I have to try to go, and see what happens at dinner.