1 BEGINNING

'How to be happy?'

December is a month of happiness, peace and joy— for other people — but for me it is pain, grief and sadness.

"On the first day of Christmas—" isinuot ko ang headphones at nilakasan ang volume. Hearing that song from those kids makes me want to kill. That song, that song is my downfall. 12 Days of Christmas? More like 12 Days of torture for me.

"Claude! Claude! Sandali, Pre!" binagalan ko ang paglakad para makahabol ang lintek na tumatawag sa pangalan ko.

"What?"

Umingos siya at nagpapadyak,"Pre, Christmas ngayon baka pwedeng bawasan ang pagka cold? Malamig na nga ang panahon dumagdag ka pa."

Tumigil ako sa paghakbang at mataman siyang tiningnan.

"Just tell me what the fuck is your problem. And by the way, I don't care if it is Christmas."

"Eh pre gusto ko sanang humingi ng pabor." Nag-aalangan niyang wika. He fidgeted with his fingers while waiting for my reaction. I sighed.

"Name it, Madriaga."

"May group date kase kami—" isinuot ko muli ang headphones, not minding if he's still talking.

"Not interested, Madriaga." Sagot ko at saka nagpatuloy sa paglalakad.

Naramdaman ko ang paghabol niya sa'kin. I tilted my head and clenched my jaw in annoyance.

"I don't fucking care about that date. Don't even say that fucking favor or I'll fucking kill you." Inis kong sabi na ikinanguso ng huli.

"Puro ka naman fucking fucking. Tigang ka na ba?"

Inis ko siyang nilingon at saka kinasa ang baril ko.

"Shut your mouth or I'll stuck a bullet in your head. Don't push me on my limits. If I said it's a no, it's a no. Got it?"

"Basta, punta ka mamaya sa unit ko. Kapag hindi ka pumunta kukuyugin ka namin." Aniya saka kumaripas paalis.

"That man. Tsk!"

I don't do dates, manigas sila kakahintay. And Christmas pisses me off. I turned off the lights and stared at the ceiling. Naririnig ko ang maiingay kong kapitbahay na naghahanda para i-celebrate ang pasko.

"Mama! Merry Christmas po!"

"Merry Christmas, Love."

"Merry Christmas everyone!"

Pinilit kong matulog kahit pa maingay ang mga tao sa labas. But no matter how hard I try, I can't sleep.

"I love you, Claude." Napamulat ako. I scanned my room, nothing.

''Am I just hearing things because of loneliness?" I shaked my head and forced my body to stand up.

Mukhang hindi pa naman ako dinadalaw ng antok kaya maglalakad lakad nalang ako sa labas.

"It's Christmas Eve. Hindi mo man lang ba siya pupuntahan?" I stopped on my tracks and glanced at him.

"Sa tingin mo, hinihintay niya ba ako?" I asked.

He tapped my shoulder.

"Mahal ka nun kaya natural na hihintayin ka niya." Mapakla akong natawa.

"I'm a criminal and I kill for a living. Love my ass. Who would dare fall in love with a person like me?"

"Serenity." He answered before leaving me there stunned and caught off guard.

[MY SERENITY: ONGOING]