188 My CO Stash #88 - Keeping my Values in this World is Harder than Expected by Erithemaeus (IshuzokuReviewersXOregairu)
-First Interspecies Reviewers fic I've read~ It's really tragic that Funimation completely canceled the anime... F in the comments!
*Our favorite pessimist Hachiman in a world where many different humanoid species exist and prostitution is bloody legal!
Sypnosis: When you're at your wit's end with nothing but an angel with a broken halo as your sole friend, there's nothing that you would do in order to get out of being stuck in a succu-girl brothel.
Yes, I am retarded, and I probably inhaled something that I probably shouldn't.
Rated: M
Words: 20K
Posted on: https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/keeping-my-values-in-this-world-is-harder-than-expected-oregairu-ishuzoku-reviewers.825207/ (Erithemaeus)
PS: If you're not able to copy/paste the link, you have everything in here to find it, by simply searching the author and the story title. It sucks that you can't copy links on mobile (´ー｀)
-I'll be putting the chapter ones of all the fanfics mentioned, to give you guys a sample if you wan't more please do go to the website and support the author! (And maybe even convince them to start uploading chapters in here as well!)
Chapter 1.1-1.3
(1.1) Somehow, my search for something genuine became more complicated
"Hikigaya!" I glance up from the griddle, meeting my (technically) boss's gaze. It was... harder than expected, even after a month of living here. Not that there was something wrong with my boss -- she was objectively a beautiful woman, even by my standards -- but my eyes always strayed to her wings and her clawed feet. Once more, I reminded myself that this was all real. That I hadn't been in a coma and all of this isn't just some form of a fever dream. I'm still working on it as best as I can. "Two more orders of steak with potato sides!"
I nodded, watching as my boss went back to serving the ridiculously-packed establishment. Those wings were distracting for someone like me, who grew up in an insular human village. Or so my cover story went. Nevertheless, it served as a solid excuse, but even I knew that I could only gawk at my boss for a few more times before someone filed a complaint against me.
Blinking and glancing back to the griddle, I flip the burgers with the dispassionate enthusiasm that one my age would give to something like work. While I had burned a few orders during my first days in working here in my boss's establishment, it only lasted for a week before I can cook passable foodstuffs. Besides, I was sure that the food that I cook was nothing more than a side dish compared to the amount of alcohol this establishment's patrons go through every single meal. Therefore, there really wasn't much need for effort to put into the food that I'm currently cooking. All I needed to do was follow the recipe and make sure that whatever I cooked wasn't burnt. Easy. Simple. Less work than actually trying to make these meals taste good.
"Hikigaya-san, table seven's orders please?" I was just about done with said orders as Crim appeared by the window with an empty tray. Once more, I tried my best not to gawk once more while shuffling the orders towards the empty tray, letting the angel move on with their job. Really, Crim's existence just proved the existence of a higher power here. The main question however, is if they would be so willing to send me back to Chiba. Probably not, in my own (twisted) opinion. If they knew where I came from, they might not just let me leave for their own entertainment. At the very least, sticking by Crim was the first step that I need to accomplish if I wanted to go back home. All I need to do is just ask Crim if they would be willing to take me up to Heaven once their halo's healed.
Whenever that happens. Until then, I have nothing else to do but to earn my keep in my boss's establishment.
Somehow, I can't help but sigh even as I rummage around the cupboards for the beef.
---
"... And that's the rush hour done." My boss said, splaying out her arms behind the bar counter as she gazed out on the crowd of humans and... other species currently in the establishment. There were a lot of them, I admit. And bog-standard to boot. Your typical fare of elves, halflings, dwarves, and human-hybrids all interacting with one another, bickering over drinks and the like. It's hard to think that I'm slowly getting used to all of this after a month. "Ugh, I hate lunchtime..."
My hands freeze in the process of drying a plate, turning towards my boss with a raised brow. Avoid staring at the wings... or the legs... or that well-endowed damn it Hachiman. "It's about two hours past noon, though."
"You do know that this place is close to the Succubus District, right?" Crim pipes up from beside me, washing the plates with ease due to their wings. "The employees usually get off around this hour since most people are either sleeping in their homes or doing something else. That way, they can eat their lunch and have an early dinner too."
My eyes narrow. "... And how exactly do you know that?"
I could feel my boss's gaze lock onto Crim as well, even as the angel freezes and the faucet continues on running. The angel's wings twitch, their eyes glancing to the side as if finding an escape, but I made sure to glare at her with my eyes. Crim was trapped, and between my boss's inquisitive gaze and the... effect of my own eyes, he quickly folded.
"... Stunk told me all about it."
"Of course he did." I mutter under my breath, swearing at that scruffy-looking bastard and wishing that I could smack him in the head. What was that perverted idiot thinking, perverting a literal angel? Heaven wouldn't take that lying down, you know? Besides, what if engaging in... illicit activities lengthened the amount of time that it took for Crim's halo to heal? It would mean a longer amount of time spent before I can get back home!
Not to mention that Stunk and Zell would be delayed in their future 'conquest' of Heaven. Idiots, the two of them. And they call me a prude for trying to protect Totsu-- I mean Crim's innocence? Hypocrites. Hypocrites, the lot of them. They're both going to hell when they die. Considering that actual demons exist and all that.
WIth a huff and a shake of my head, I return back to drying my dishes, tuning out my boss's conversation with Crim as I focused on getting my tasks done. That, and finding ways to subvert whatever plan that Stunk and Zell were up to now. As much as I hate to admit it, their peer pressure is too strong for even an angel like Crim can stand. I usually went out during the times where that Stunk and Zell were here, but it didn't stop them from coming at an earlier time than expected.
"We're back!"
… Case in point, now. I curse under my breath and stuff the last of the dried plates into their respective cabinets, turning towards my boss while making my way towards the back door. "Boss, I'm going out for a bit."
"Hm?" My boss turns towards me, then turns towards the newcomers. Her eyes sharpen while scowling at both Stunk and Zell, strolling straight towards the board with smug grins on their faces with a roll of paper tucked beneath their arms. "Ah. You can go then. I'll have Crim get you when they're gone, alright?"
"Thanks." I eke out, quickly undoing the latch on the backdoor and stepping out of the pub. Locking the door behind me, I face the empty alleyway and sigh in relief, leaning against the door for a few seconds before power-walking towards the alleyway's entrance.
"Looks like Stunk was right, after all. You'd be a fine rogue, Hikigaya." I freeze, a figure about the height of my knee cutting off the entrance. Beady eyes, shifty demeanor, a halfling, acquaintances with Stunk... Kanchal, if I do remember. "Give up, Hikigaya. You know you can't stay a virgin forever."
Damn it. I don't even have Crim to save me this time around.
(1.2) Somehow, my search for something genuine became more complicated
I woke up to the sight of the two most frightening individuals that I had met in the entirety of my life. In fact, they were even more scary than Yukinoshita Haruno given that they could easily force me to do their bidding and I wouldn't even have the illusion of choice. Stunk was an accomplished adventurer, really obvious given the fact that he had slain that demon a month back with just a few simple swings. On the other hand, Zell is an elf. And if my pop culture knowledge about those broken individuals were concurrent to this world's rules, then I best stay on his good side.
Still, to think that they would be so desperate enough to have Kanchal drag me back into the pub... I can't help but lower my opinion of them even further.
Inwardly, of course. No doubt that they'd beat me up if I say such a thing out loud.
"Not even a minute in and you're already badmouthing us, huh? As expected of Hikigaya."
"Stop reading my mind." I snap back, rubbing my wrists as Kanchal cut off my restraints with a paring knife. Not that I was planning on fighting back, and it wasn't as if I can just run away from them. Still, I was a bit annoyed that they somehow still saw the need to bind me in restraints until they can finally get me to talk. Even if I threw myself at them, I wasn't really going to do much aside from being a minor annoyance.
"Why wouldn't I?" Zell replied with a smirk, green eyes boring into my own. I was suddenly reminded that no matter how old he looked, he was someone who had at least two centuries of experience than me. He could've just easily read my expression without even resorting to magic. Not that I wouldn't discount actual mind-reading, though. Two hundred years is a pretty long time to learn the ins and outs of magic. I think. I'm just going off on conjecture here. "Besides, the way you think is kind of interesting, to say the least."
I take it back. Stunk was just an idiot who wants a good lay. It was Zell who was the real danger here, what with being an elf and all that. In any case, I need to get off this line of conversation before I get cornered again. This time, it was less of a physical cornering, but more of a metaphorical one.
... Help me, Crim. Save me from these lust-fueled idiots.
"So, why'd Kanchal drag me off here, anyway?" I ask in a monotone, "Like I told you guys for the past month, I'm not going to a succubus joint with you."
"Ah." Stunk replied, his shifty eyes widening whilst stroking his chin. "So you're too embarrassed to be seen with us, and instead you've been sneaking off to the succu-joints whenever we aren't here?"
"Hell no." I quickly shot the idea down, rising up from my seat before being pushed back down by Kanchal. "Look, I'm not going to a succubus joint whether you like it or not. I'm not going there now, tomorrow, until the day I die."
The pair frowned. I sighed and scratched the side of my head. This was really sharing up to be a chore. "... Look", I began, "I'm thankful to you two for saving Crim and I from that demon, but there's some other way that I can pay you guys back aside from accompanying you to a succubus joint. That's all I'm asking for."
Stunk snapped his fingers and pointed at me. "Ah. You got a girl back at home, don't you?"
More like a little sister and some friends, but it fit the bill enough so that I can latch onto that excuse without being incredibly shifty. "Yeah."
"You must be those types of guys then, huh? Those that save themselves for their bride first." Zell sighed, having gotten to the completely wrong conclusion. I let them however, seeing that they wouldn't stop pestering me about all of this if I just went along with the flow. At the very least, it solved the problem of being forced to enter a succubus joint along with them. "Still, consider it from time to time, will you? Girls like men with some experience, after all."
Really? Then do tell as to why your still visiting brothels even though you're over two centuries old. Go on, I'll wait. Don't just frown at me, Zell. Answer my question.
"Well, we're all but done here if that's the case, then." Stunk replied, rising up from his own seat and patting down his cloak. "If Hikigaya doesn't want to go to a succu-joint since he has someone waiting for him at home, then it's fine. Although..."
I sigh and ready myself for another long-winded question and answer session, only for Stunk to ask me a tame one instead. Surprisingly. "How are you earning money here? If you've been living on the streets..."
"Ah, I've been working at the pub with Crim." I replied, much to the pair's confused glances. Figures really, since all they do when they're there is drink, post reviews, discuss places to 'review', and occasionally harass my boss when they're feeling courageous. "The boss hired me as a cook for a while until I can save up enough money to go back home. She's given me a room too, as long as I clean up some of the other rooms from time to time. You don't really need to worry about me for the moment."
Not that I don't appreciate the sentiment, however. Although I can't help but wonder what kind of outrageous demands they'd be giving me if I took up on their offer as well, I shoved that thought for the moment while I glanced around the dilapidated shack. "So, can we go now? It's getting late."
"Wait", Zell cuts in, eyes furrowing in thought, "If you're working in the same place as Crim, then it means that you're..."
The elf's face pales, turning towards Stunk with a look of worry on his face. "We better get him back before Meidri comes for us."
Stunk's eyes immediately sharpen in fear, even as I gawk at the pair with a confused expression on my face. While my boss was usually lenient with my frequent 'breaks' due to Stunk and Zell, she wasn't the type to fly off the handle that easily. Unless when it came to Stunk of course, but that was more of the perverted idiot's fault than anything else.
"Oi, that's not funny." Stunk turned towards Kanchal, who cursed under his breath just as he was about to slip through the door. " Kanchal, do you know what time it is already?"
Said halfline simply tossed a pocket watch in Stunk's direction and slithered out the door, locking it in place with a click. At this point, I was already starting to share both Stunk and Zell's fear, even if I didn't know the reason why. Or actually, I think I know the reason why, but I didn't want to acknowledge it. All I could do was hope that Kanchal's pocket watch showed the wrong time.
... It didn't. It was already a quarter to five in the afternoon.
The shack's wall blew open as my boss strolled in, a wide smile on her face and twirling a knife with practiced ease. Both Stunk and Zell screamed, immediately rushing towards the door only to find it locked. They shivered in place even as I quickly slunk out of my boss's sight, finding Crim floating idly behind the destroyed wall and watching the ongoing scene with morbid fascination.
As for me, I was busy ignoring the pitched screams coming from the inside of the shack as I stopped beside Crim. What I wouldn't give for a good set of ear mufflers right now.
"It's rush hour, isn't it." I more or less muttered to myself, even as Crim gave me a nod whilst looking at the scene behind me in horror. Something popped, and a wince escaped my lips even as Stunk let out a distinctly unmanly whine.
Eventually, Crim gained enough clarity to spoke even as the impromptu torture no-Hachiman-don't-look continued on behind me. "Yeah. Meidri-san was willing to lend you out to Stunk and Zell for a while, but after this I think she's not going to be so lenient with them for a while."
I crossed my legs in sympathy to Stunk's screams, a shiver running down my back when the sounds abruptly stopped. A few seconds later, I slowly turned around to see a small cloud of dust emanating from the destroyed shed, my boss emerging from the ashes with a cold eyes that quickly narrowed onto me.
Just for extra safety, I inched behind Crim. "Hikigaya."
"Y-Yes?"
"I'll take care of Stunk and Zell for the time being, so you don't have to run around while they're in the area."
"T-Thanks..." It was all I could say, even as my boss's hand dug into my collar and lifted me up in the air without even breaking a sweat. To be scared was an understatement. I was so terrified that I looped right back around to absolute, unnatural calm. It wasn't as if you were airlifted back to your workplace by your boss, after all. Even if they should've fired you on the spot with all intents and purposes.
Still, given that my boss was currently furious beyond words, I sought after an option that probably wouldn't get me smeared on a wall.
"Meidri-san, can I just hitch a ride with Crim instead?"
"It's faster this way."
I couldn't really argue with that. Literally.
I was already screaming when I realized that we were flying back to the pub.
(1.3) Somehow, my search for something genuine became more complicated
Frankly, I'm glad that my boss provided us with a cart to haul today's food in, lest we wouldn't have gotten anywhere considering how much food the pub's customers eat every day. Couple that with the afternoon sun, the throngs of people moving towards the main square, and a loli currently campaigning for the position of Demon King...
… Wait, what? "Crim, what's happening right now?"
"That's a demon campaigning for the spot of the Demon King, isn't it?" My companion stated out loud, causing me to give them a blank look. Really, spare me the sarcasm and give me some information about this. I didn't even know that demons are allowed alongside other species considering that we were almost killed by one. Plus, a demon running for presidency? Does this world have a higher form of politics than I had expected? I only expected someone up until the rank of mayor to show up around once every few years, but apparently this is a state-wide event. "I'm kidding, Hikigaya-san. Judging from what I can hear, it seems to be around election period, so it should make sense that parties are currently vying for spots in the government."
"I'm even surprised that there's a cohesive form of government with all of these species running around..." I mutter under my breath, ignoring Crim's curious stare. Trying to find a way through the densely-packed crowd, I carefully maneuver our cart of goods inch by inch back towards the pub. Given that most of the town's residents seem to be gathering around here, then it stood to reason that the pub was reasonably empty. It must be why Meidri-san saw it fit for us to go and retrieve ingredients that the pub would use just a few hours later. Truly, a tireless life that I live right now.
Oh, how much I wish to laze around back home... "Hm, Hikigaya and Crim?"
I wince. Turning towards Stunk and Zell with a brittle smile on my face, I wave my greetings back. Seeing them perfectly healthy after the two weeks that they spent healing up their wounds was still a bit.. iffy for me, but I assumed that they would have some sort of pace in this town where healing magic is used and the like. It seemed that I was correct, but it didn't erase the memories of their pleas and screams as my boss round them up back in that shed. Just for paranoia's sake, I cross my legs. Just in case. You may never now when your boss just might ambush you and beat you to a pulp again...
"Earth to Hikigaya, hello!"
A scowl escapes my lips as I bat out Stunk's hand out of my face. First off, I didn't know where it's been. Second of all, they just interrupted my thoughts. The latter was admittedly for the best, but it didn't compensate for the inherent irritation that Stunk's voice gave me. It must've been the past month's toll. "What? I'm currently busy right now."
"Need some help with that?" This time, it was Zell who replies, glancing towards the cart with hands on his hips while raising a brow. "You look pretty winded from just lugging it around. I'm sure Meidri would go ballistic if the food spoils before it even got to the pub, you know?"
I try to imagine what a ballistic Meidri-san would look like, and immediately block out the image of an obliterated shed. I shake my head to get rid of it, and let out a sigh whilst motioning towards my cart. "Sure. Your grave, though."
"Eh, this much is pretty easy." Stunk gripped the cart and began pushing it with ridiculous ease, my gaze turning towards my pathetically limp arms. Crim patted me on the shoulder a second later, to which I shot him a glare for. "Anyway, you guys saw that cute little demon girl back there, right? She cute enough for your tastes, Hikigaya?"
"She looks like she's twelve." I grimace, both from whatever thoughts Stunk had rolling around in his head and the fact that he was nudging me on the shoulder. I feel like I'm going to develop a bruise if he keeps this up. "In any case, I only heard bits and pieces of it since I was focused with the food. What did she say, anyways?"
"Something about this world being stagnant and promising that the government would focus on research and development when she's in power." Zell filled in with a yawn. "Eh, who cares anyway. The Orc Party's got this one in the bag again. No contest whatsoever."
"Why?"
Stunk raised a hand. "Cheap food, lower taxes, and a cut of the budget goes to the Succubus District." He listed out in a matter-of-fact tone, currently offset by the drool forming at the corner of his mouth. "Given all that, who wouldn't vote for them?"
"I guess..." While it was true that this world was stagnant in its progress in technology, this world was also in relative peace. Introducing an unaccounted variable like more advanced technology is going to shift the balance of power to one side, and it'd take years or even decades to iron out the kinks once more and reset the world in another stable, yet more technologically-advanced state. Too much work, in other words. Given the thought processes of most people, it was a no-brainer that they'd vote for the Orc Party, even if their policies encourage stagnation in this world's technological level. "But there's still some other people willing to vote for the Demon Party, right?"
"Almost none." Zell replied, "Demons don't exactly have a nice reputation right now. They're even ranked second place in the list of species that you wouldn't want to marry -- just right after the undead." I blanch at that. Undead existed in this world as well? And they're somehow sentient beings that don't just go around and eat the brains of other species? "Although the Outsiders seem to be their staunch supporters, for whatever reason."
That's... suspicious. "The Outsiders?"
"Yeah. A group of humans that basically want the same technological innovation as the Demon Party." Stunk scoffed. "Mad, the lot of them are. Being able to move through the air with nothing more than metal and a few pieces of cloth? Even if they could possibly make it in the first place, most of us couldn't even use the damn things without some buffs to keep us awake at that high an altitude. Anyway, that's one of their ideas... an 'airplane', if I do remember it correctly. Probably not, but you get the idea."
I freeze in my tracks. 'Airplane'? What a coincidence. Not. It means that there's other people who are stuck with me here as well. Was this what hope looked like? I wasn't alone in this world. There are others here. If that's the case...
"Oi Hikigaya, you doing alright there?"
"Y-Yeah." I shake my head and focus, finding our little party back in front of the pub. "Anyway, we can take it from here. Thanks for the help, you two."
"Heh, it's nothing." Stunk grinned, patting the cart as I began pulling it towards the pub's back door. "The place that we're visiting today is in the same direction, so it's fine."
I grimaced, dragging off the cart with greater haste even as both Stunk and Zell began talking about their future exploits. A few seconds pass while I try to fish out the pub's key from my pockets, only to find Crim joining me in staring at the cart.
"I thought you were going with them."
"They said they were going to a demon place." Crim replied in a dispassionate tone. "I mean, I would've... They're demons, you know? And I'm an angel."
Finally fishing out the key, I opened the door and began dragging the food-laden cart into the pub. All the while wondering if racism still exists in this world, if only a bit more low-key than expected.
Still, even Crim has their limits, huh? That's good to know.
