82 Old Thorns

The next day the first class was Computer Lab. My favourite lab. Both coding and happiness lab.

This time we were discussing the programs. I felt after a long time the thrill of solving problems. His questions and continuous pressing on until getting a satisfactory answer was already getting on my nerves. Finally I sternly replied, "Ask Sir. I'm not your guardian. "

He with his mischievous smile replied, "But you are my lab partner and you must take care of me. "

I replied, "But that doesn't mean I know everything."

He replied with a smirk, "So you finally admit that you don't know everything. "

I was dumb-struck.

I replied, "When did I say I know everything? "

He was silent for a bit.

Then He finally replied, "Sorry, I got carried away a bit. Don't think much. "

Why can't he open up? Bottling up feelings won't do any good. And this time clearly I'm involved and I can't keep anything inside my stomach.

I asked again.

But he replied almost the same. Finally seeing him clenching his fists I left, fearing that he would no longer chat with me. Fearing that this might have worsened his analysis of assumptions about me. But I can't help but be misunderstood. I was deeply hurt. I stopped talking with him.

He didn't bother either. He was happier than before without me. He was chatting with others as if nothing happened. My eyes were moist but I couldn't express myself. I don't know what mistake I had made to make him hate me like this.

The sight was blurry. And my senses were dumb.

My pathetic school life was at some point responsible for it. Being an introvert I have always been ridiculed. No one understood me clearly.And they set me up with thorns. The same thorns Sky put me through now.

I don't know what the reason was. But it definitely deeply hurt me. I may laugh heartily, giggle, smile or act like a joker but my heart is extremely tender. One single scratch and I break-down.

I don't like the way things are taking a turn anyway but I can't afford to lose this time. Not again in college at least.

I went over to him. I said, "If I've ever hurt you I'm extremely sorry for that. Maybe it was my bad.But if I have ever hurt you personally or unknowingly I'm sorry for that. "

He was looking at me. Astonished or bewildered might suit his expression. He finally replied, "Actually I never thought you would ponder over such a little matter. Actually I didn't want to say it to you because I wanted to avoid trouble. I said those words just out of the flow remembering someone else through you. I thought telling those might make you feel awkward so I just avoided it. You don't have to be too formal. "

I don't know why suddenly tears welled up in my eyes. I thought I would be strong but I failed.Those bad memories were haunting me and I was confused.

He was looking at me. I couldn't look into his eyes anymore. I simply replied, "Oh.Actually because of some personal problems before I acted up in the morning. I didn't mean to cross question you.You can think of me as an overly conscious person. Anyway, bye. "

I immediately turned back and left for the washroom. I cannot let Lacy see me nor Sky see me in my weak state. The state I've maintained for months I cannot let it go to waste. I went to the washroom, cleaned my face properly and finally came back. I calmed myself down.

I guess neither Sky nor Lacy knew that I had been to counselling before during that terrible period of school days before college. I have nothing to share my thoughts with still now. But today something different happened. I couldn't cry before. But today unexpectedly I let my emotions flow. Just being in front of him. I went back to my seat. I took a sip of water and continued with my studies.