66 Long Pause

A few days swept by. The date of the final exam is finally approaching.

It had rained continuously for the past few days just like the barren life of mine. No love, no messages, no chats, no gossip, nothing at all. The final flame of hope between us is really flickering.

Now, I finally understand that there is nothing between us to begin with apart from small moments that only kept me wondering and dreaming.

Had it been another person that person too would behave exactly the same as him. Maybe I lack something which others have. And simply just like that few more days swept by. To be honest I guess I don't deserve it. Others can be happy in a relationship but I fear once I tell him his attitude might change and that little flame of happiness might be extinguished.

I don't know why just like the chilly wind my heart too is becoming chilly day by day. It's freezing my heart. The frost which is accumulating day by day is chaining me to the abyss. I really don't know what to do.

When other people get comforted, why can't I be comforted just like others? Why is everyone partial to me? Time and again whenever I get hurt by other friends and others, I would deliberately hide my feelings just to ensure my mom, dad and Nikki won't be upset. In the process I would lose my temper which would hurt them still I hid my feelings.

I often prayed at the school chapel whenever things would take a sharp turn and turn my life upside down but the chapel is now long gone. I can't even express my feelings to God as well. Now, I deeply regret that I might have chosen the possible wrong person or maybe I'm the wrong person who shouldn't deserve what she truly loves. It aches my heart you know the way Sky tramples my every good hearted help with a simple bye.

It further aches when he doesn't reply to my messages from day to day. It even aches when he can't have feelings for me the way I have for him. It aches and breaks my heart that maybe I have no hope.

Long pause-the winter break ,he can really live without me. He proved it. But it also proved how desperate I could be to contact him on my own to wish him and receive a reply one hour late.

Sigh. My life is really helpless isn't it!