1 Prologue

Life is like a leaf carried by a wave. You won't know where the waves will take you. Only hard work and patience can help you control the direction of your goals. If you just stay put, the waves will take you to places you don't know about. Whether it is misery or success. These waves are destiny. This is my belief in what is life.

Well, enough getting philosophical. Hello there, my name is Ari. Born as a rich second generation. Full fledge arrogant man. Yeah, I admit I am arrogant. I look down on others. All my friends love me, they are slaves to my money. I have no worries in the world. Even if I didn't study well and laze around in school. I would eventually inherit my father's business. 

That's what I always thought. Until one day. My father offends someone from above. My father's business declares bankruptcy. All his assets are liquidated. His savings all used up. Suddenly, my family turns into ruin fall into poverty. 

I can't get used to it. All my 'friends' avoided me. They act like they don't know who I am. Fortunately, I still have some loyal friends. But they can't help me at all. They had their own problem. I understand that. My mother's temper turns worse. She always scolded me and even beat me up with a broomstick. I just bear it. What can I do to complain?. The one at fault is me from the beginning. All I do is laze around and do nothing. I didn't even have a job. My mother keeps urging me to find a job. So I did... but I don't have the qualifications to get the desired job. I regret not taking school seriously. So all I can find is an odd job and heavy lifting. Which of course, I can't bear it and quit the job the second day. Eventually, I find another job at the port warehouse. But this job is more torture than the last one. Not only do I have to lift a heavy box full of fish, but I also have to do it inside a container with a temperature below freezing. The management didn't even provide us with proper equipment for the job environment. Only one day working at the port, I immediately have a heavy fever and was sick for the next seven days. They fired me on the second day. They didn't even give me the promised hourly salary. 

My mother then continually scolded me for my uselessness. If you ask what my father doing. He just lazes around all day. Just like me. Where does our income come from you ask?. Is from my mother doing all kinds of jobs. My mother grows up in poverty and later married my father. She's not an arrogant lady and always humble and didn't flaunt her wealth. She is always gentle and kind, reminds me not to be arrogant for being rich and studying well. And yet, did I listen to her?. Of course not, I am a piece of shit and deserve to be beaten. Now we fall into poverty and all our income comes from her. Is only natural her temper change. Sometimes I am glad to be beaten by her. Which is sometimes worries me. Am I masochistic?. 

One day, a pandemic hit, and work is much more difficult to come by. My mother's temper becomes worse and worse. She sometimes fights with my father. And then one day I saw it with my own eye. She killed my father. She stabbed him with a knife over and over. I just see her brutality in silence. I don't know how to react. And then she approaches me. I don't feel any fear. I know what is going to happen. And yet I didn't run away. I am also already tired of this life. I have already considered suicide countless times. But always dismiss the thought. I am afraid my mother will lose her reason if I did. But it seems that doesn't matter. She still loses her reason. When she approaches me, I only smile at her. She slowly stabs me in the chest and said. 

"Don't forgive me for this."

I smile and said. 

"You don't do anything wrong mother... I understand it well. I deserve this. "

Yes... I deserve this end. A garbage man like me deserves this tragic end. My mother then burst into crying. 

"Why you always!!... If you understand you should... " She chokes at her own word and then continues. " Forget it, I hope you repent on your next life. Don't do the same mistake. I only ho... "

My consciousness slowly fade. I can't hear what my mother said. The last thing I see is my mother who stabs her own throat. Then everything becomes black.