MY PAINKILLER

CHAPTER ONE 

I sat on a rocking chair in the veranda, reading today's paper and enjoying the afternoon breeze. I lived with my parents; I had no choice. It has been hard getting a job with me being an ex convict and just having my highschool certificate.

My parents did not make things easier either. They blamed me for the hardship they were going through, saying I should have just endured the marriage since the money was coming. I learnt to ignore them. As soon as I got a job and a good pay, I would leave them.

I heard tiny feet shuffling and turned to see my daughter running towards me, smiling. She wore a blue floral gown that had holes in them from being so old. She was skinny but beautiful.

"Mummy, I am hungry," she whined when she got to me.

Even though I stayed with my parents, they did not provide for me or my daughter; they treated me like a housemate. For five months now, I provided for my daughter with the little money I got from menial jobs. And the days I did not have any work to do, I was always at a loss on what to do about my daughter.

"Mummy," Benita shook my arm.

I closed the newspaper and gave her my attention. She was hungry but she was smiling; I wish I could do that.

"Baby, can you be patient with me? Grandma is not home now. I promise when she gets back, I will ask her for what you could eat," I told her.

"But Mummy, I am really hungry. My tummy keeps making sounds," she complained.

A thought occurred to me and I did not like it, but I just had to go with it. I could not just sit here and let my daughter starve when I was at my parents' house. I was going to do this and think σf the consequences later.

"Okay, baby," I dropped the newspaper on a stool and stood up. I carried her and winced at how light a six year old girl was. I was not impressed. Another thought occurred to me and I felt it would be the best option for me and my daughter. I could not let her keep suffering in my hands.

We got to the kitchen and I set Benita on the counter. I searched the cupboards and found cereals. I put them in a bowl and soaked them in milk I found in the fridge.

"Baby, eat," I urged her and she collected the bowl with a toothy grin.

I watched her devour the food and my eyes watered. I really loved her and I felt sorry I took her father away from her. I would regret that the rest of my life but I do not regret defending myself.

I had not told her about her father yet and she never asked, which I am grateful for. I was going to tell her when I felt the time was right. But right now, I do not think I could keep her anymore.

I walked out the kitchen to my room to use my phone. I checked my drawers for my phone book and punched the numbers I wanted in.

"Hello. This is Sunshine Foster Home. What can we do for you?" a male voice said after the third ring.

My tears began to flow as I realized what I was doing. I wanted to drop the call but this was the only option that seemed reasonable.

I wiped my tears and replied, "Uh... I am Victoria Williams and I would like to drop a child with you."

"Okay. Do you have any relationship with this child?" he asked.

"Yes." I exhaled before saying, "She is my daughter."

The line was silent for a moment. "Your daughter?"

Another tear rolled down as I sniffed and replied, "Yes."

He blew a breath, "Okay. You have to come by our office to run some paperwork."

I wrote down the address as he called it and thanked him.

"Glad to help," he replied and the line went dead.

I dropped the phone and the tears flowed in torrents. I began doubting my mothering skills. What mother abandons her child at a foster care home?

But then this was the only solution I thought best for her. Why make Benita suffer when she could find another home she'd be loved and cared for?

"Mummy, I am done," I heard Benita say from the kitchen. I wiped my eyes and went to meet my daughter.