1 ABANDONED

"The Andrews does not have a daughter like you. How dare you try to kill your sister are you not ashamed." My father yelled pointing a finger at me. With fury in his eye, filled with anger, just so much anger directed towards no one other than his daughter.

"Why do you not believe me? Why do you not trust me? Why do you not ask me? Am I not your daughter? Am I not your flesh and blood? Am I not the same daughter you once doted upon?" I couldn't control my anger anymore.

On my 10th birthday, My dad brought back a pair of beautiful aunt and a cute 8-year-old girl and introduce them as my new mother and step sister. At first, I was happy to have a little sister and a new mother but as years passed by things started to change.

After my 15th Birthday I realized that My father didn't love me anymore, My stepmother looked at me with disgust, My friends started to maintain their distance from me and my cute and obedient sister was the reason for it all.

I didn't hate her just because other people liked her more, at that time I thought my sister is cute and innocent just like an angel who wouldn't love her? but when i saw the boy that I love dropped her off to school I started to hate.

He was my only light, my only solace, my only hope, my only comfort. When the whole world abandoned me he was the only one to comfort me, even if he may not remember me I won't be able to forget him.

"Even if the whole world turned their back on you as long as you don't give up on yourself and love yourself there will always be a day when you can live without caring if anyone else would abandon you."

This is what he said to me on my 17th birthday ever since then, we would greet each other if we meet in school. I could count with my hands just how many time he talked to me but still, I felt special because he never talked to anyone else unless they initiate.

Walking home one day I saw my sister Alice getting off an expensive car, curious I got closed to look but what I didn't know was that just because of this one look, this one look would destroy my life.

The first time I saw him smile, such a beautiful smile it would have made me fall in love even more but this time it splashed cold water on me waking me up from my fantasies because this smile was not for me. It was for my sweet, sweet little sister.

He smiled at her, a smile I never saw.

He talked to her with that smile, a conversation he would never start with me.

He let her close enough, a distance I would never be able to cross.

This moment suffocated me, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't feel.

What broke me more was the smugness in her eyes when she looked at me, after that day on she didn't even tried to put on a fake faced.

All the things that happened to me were their planning, making me lose my friends, my reputation, my father, my love.

They wanted for me to suffer because Alice hated me fro living a life she deserved and my stepmother Zara hated my mother for marrying my father Edward.

Even when I lost everything they were not satisfied on my 20th birthday they drugged me and planned to have me raped so that my reputation would be tarnished and my father would disown me, but the thing didn't go as planned because he saved me again.

We spend a night together, under the influence of the aphrodisiac neither did notice his stiff movement nor the anger and disappointment. All I could think was the night we spend together.

Under the drugs influence i didn't notice his eyes were hazy like mine, i didn't notice how hot his body was or why he would be in a place like this.

i just let go and sinked into this moment.

In a good mood, I returned home only to be slapped by my father. Looking around I got a bad intuition when i saw a the triumph in alice's eyes and a victory smirk on Zara's face who was sitting on the sofa holding an injured Alice. Alice's head was covered in bandages, slightly bleeding.

"Fa-Father Wh-What did I do wrong?" I was truly confused.

"Y-You have the nerve to ask me what wrong did you commit. Do you not see Alice sitting over there injured due to your crime." My father raised his hand as if to hit me again.

I did not understand what my father was asking until that sweet voice was heard. Her face was so beautiful and innocent, her voice was so mesmerizing and naive but under her facade was a heart vicious than anyone else's.

"Dad, sister did not hit me intentionally, she was drunk and it was nothing but a small accident." It may seem that Alice was standing up for me but the moisture in her eyes, the sobbing tone in her voice and the weakness in her moves were all done deliberately to fuel my father's anger. Just like she wanted her actions angered my father even more.

This was not the first, every time my father scolded me for my so-called wrongs Alice would always step in and fuel his anger even more. I don't know how I didn't realize it before maybe it had become a habit for me to be hated by my father.

"I did no such thing, Alice excused herself early saying her head hurt and I did not see her later that night." This might just be the first time for me to explain.

"You even dare to lie. From today onward I do not recognize you as my daughter. The Andrew family will only have one daughter, Leave this place to pack your thing and never come back." My father didn't want to listen to me.

He would never believe.

"For the last decade Father you have not only ignored me but every time you want to talk to me was to scold me for the thing I have never done yet I did not oppose because it was the only time you would speak to me. You did not notice how I received the top score for every year but because I knew you would scold me for failing, I did not write exams just for you to pay attention to me. You never praised me ever since I turned 10, You didn't kiss me good night anymore, you didn't let me sleep with you during a stormy night, or you never asked if I liked my birthday gifts. Now you don't even listen to what I have to say. If me leaving this house is what you want then I will listen to father this one last time." I did not want to see the anger and disappointment in my father's eyes so I ran to my room packed all of my things and left through the back gate not wanting to see the victory in the eyes of the mother-daughter duo.

I do not know how I spend the last 2 months, I didn't take one step out of my apartment. Ever since I left my family house I stayed at the apartment I bought when I turned 18. I wanted to go to him, I wanted to apologize to him, I wanted to explain that I was drugged but for the last 2 months he was nowhere to be seen.

As I switched my phone on after a whole 2 months I only received one message from my sister. What was I expecting? who would really care if I disappear for good?

Ignoring my sister's message I got up to head out after 2 months of self-pitying and drowning in my misery. I have not been feeling well and was going to visit a doctor for a health check-up.

For the last 2 months I had thought countless times to just end my pathetic and miserable life but every time I would recall what he said to me.

....

After my normal check-up and drawing my blood the let me go informing me that the staff would email me my report.

On my way to my apartment, I saw him getting off his car. Without thinking I called his name.

"Enzo"

I noticed how his body stiffened at my call and the anger in his eyes as he looked at me.

I did not know why he was so mad at me, didn't he knew i was drugged?

Maybe he did not.

I'll just explain to him.

I tried to build up some confidence but failed miserably as his fury filled eyes stared at me.

He did not let me explain as he dragged me in front of his car so that no one else could hear our conversation.

"I am sorry for what happen, I-" he did not let me finish just like my father.

"Listen carefully to what I have to say. You disgust me, I had no intentions of getting involved with you. There are hundreds of girls like you chasing me so don't show your face to me ever again. Get out of my sight and don't ever let me see you, just looking at you sickens me." He did not wait for my reaction as he let go of me and walked away.

He walked away leaving me dazed and broken.

He abandoned me, just.... just like my father and everyone else.

I dragged my self home only by chanting the same thing in my head again and again.

Like an idiot I didn't know what to do.

I didn't know where to go.

I saw my world crumbling before me.

I was going crazy, I chanted what he said not a hundred times but a thousand times.

Like a maniac I kept repeating the same thing again and again.

Like a drowning man holding onto his last hope.

The only hope to live.

But I drowned.

Pain so much Pain.

If I was never loved in the first place then it wouldn't hurt as bad but I was loved before the age of 10 my father loved me, pampered me like a princess, giving in to my demands and my friends loved me.

I was loved, cherished and pampered yet it was all snatched away.

After that I was alone.

I was ignored, bullied, afraid and hated.....

My blood father hated me.

He did not love me anymore.

He ignored me.

The boy that I loved hated me

He said I disgust him.

He said I sicken him.

He did not want to see me again.

The kind of pain that I felt was no less than having my soul being ripped out.

I felt my world crumbling,

My heart slowing down, My body getting cold,

My eyes closing on its own,

My brain shutting down and I slept,

I slept for 3 days in the same place in the same posture.

Waking up I didn't feel anything, My world was now black and white, I did not feel pain as I walked on the broken glass, I did not feel the cold when I got out of my apartment in light clothes and I did not feel the glass digging deeper in my feet drawing out more blood the more I walked.

He wanted me to disappear.

Is all I thought.

If you abandon me, then even loving myself won't save me,

I cannot love myself more than I love you.

Standing on the roof of my 20 floored apartment building ready to take a step forward ending my pathetic life, yet at this movement, my phone rang not wanting to die such a lonely death I checked my phone.

My doctor emailed me the result of my health check-up, reading the result I cried and cried and cried.

I did not know if I cried of sorrow or happiness but I couldn't stop my self. I had never cried like this,

wailing.....

howling....

bawling.....

My emotions were all over the place.

I was happy yet afraid.

I was looking froward to the future yet feared it.

Gathering myself I couldn't help but caress my stomach, my tears didn't stop even when I was smiling.

If loving my self won't be enough then all the love that my family didn't want, that he didn't want I will give it to my baby.

I will love my baby and never leave my baby because I finally have a reason to live.

A reason to love.

A reason to wish for a future.

Now I finally won't care even if the whole world abandons me because I know my baby won't ever abandon me.

If even my own flesh and blood cannot love me then maybe i just do not deserved to be loved.

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