1 Sixteen

Today. Today is going to be a great day. Life hasn't been easy for me, to say the least. You see, I am my mother's secret.

For 16 years, she's kept me hidden. For 16 years, she has loved me and cared for me the best she could, without anyone knowing. She has brought me food and small trinkets from the outside. Sometimes flowers or little bugs. Mother taught me to read and write. I love to read. She says it's important for a young lady to know how to not only take care of children and the home but also how to protect herself. Physically, I am strong; she made sure I kept up my strength, but I am small. So she said my wit and cunning would help to keep me safe.

Today is my 16th birthday. Mother has told me sense I was very small that on my 16th birthday, I would get to join the world. I've seen drawings, but I yearn to see the trees and the sky. Feel the sun on my face. Being it's the most important day of my life thus far, I hardly slept last night. The time moved so slowly, but my mind would not let me have the peace of sleep.

I know it's still early as I have only heard the cook and the maid pass over me. Laying in bed has become too much. Just knowing what the day has in store for me, I can't stay laying around any longer. It's time to straighten up the room I will never have to see again.

I quietly get up and remake my small bed. Feeling quite good about it, it's time to take on the rest of my morning tasks. My room isn't much, but it's enough. It's a small room off the underground pantry the cook uses to store jars of food. The floors are brick, so keeping clean is very hard. The walls are just simple wood. In some places, there are still little drawings I did as a small child. Mother has given me a small bed with a quilt she said she made for me. The bed isn't soft, but I'm sure Mother tried her best. However the quit is beautiful. It is a light purple with little blue flowers scattered all over it. There's a wash basin, a nightstand with my brush, a mirror, some rags, and old trinkets. In the middle of the room is a table with two chairs. It's where Mother and I sit and eat. Right now, it's covered with stacks of books. One thing that I always have in my small room is books. She brings me a new book almost weekly. I have read about so much in life that I feel like I know who I want to be outside these walls. What I want to do.

Hearing hurried footsteps of mother, I quickly wash my face and run the brush through my long blonde hair. Inspecting myself in the mirror, I give myself a quick nod of approval and turn to the wall that pulls open, waiting for her to arrive. When nothing happens.

I was sure the footsteps I heard were hers. I know everyone's footsteps. The cook is an older lady with a slight limp because her hip is going bad. The maids in their little clippy shoes, grandmother slow and solid. Like she has nowhere to be but with a purpose. And mother's, soft and quick. Walking over to the wall, I place my hand on it like that would give me all the answers I am seeking. Disappointment seeps into my bones. Taking a step back, heading to my bed. I pick up my most recent book I sit and wait.

Waiting is the worst. Trying to focus on my reading but caught myself looking to the wall. Willing it to open and mother to take me outside. After reading the same sentence over again a dozen times, I give up on reading. Instead, focusing my energy on humming a tune while I pace back and forth. My mind is running trying to figure out where Mother has gone and why she hasn't fetched me for the day. I tried to calm myself, but I just can't understand what is going on. She said today. Mother is always down first thing in the morning to bring me breakfast, and yet she has not come. Thinking of food, I pause as my stomach growls.

Suddenly, the wall pushes open, and Mother is there rushing in and sliding it shut. Rushing to me, with a quick imbrace. She gave me little time to react.

"My sweet girl, I am so sorry I am late. I had to run out this morning to make sure everything was set for you to join us today." She let me go as she ushered us to my little bed. "Here, sit, Saraphine." Mother rarely ever used myself name unless to scold me. Baffled by it, I sat dumbfounded.

"Mother are we going outside now. I am sixteen today." The joy in my heart over flowing as I have been waiting for this moment for so long. However, the look of worry on her face was enough to put a damper on that joy, and my excited smile slowly diminished.

"Oh, my sweet girl. I am so sorry." She was sorry I could see it in her eyes before she looked down at her hands. Wringing them together, she stumbled her words. She tries to explain why I must stay in my cage just a little longer. After hearing only bits of what she had to say, I nodded and sat back further on the bed. Tucking my legs beneath me, making sure my dress still covered them. Mother tucked a long, blonde strand of my hair behind my ear. Kisses my forehead and left. Silently, tears fell freely from my eyes as I sat and stared at the wall, to which she just left.

"Why?" Whispering to myself as the tears fell more vigorously. Slowly laying down, not bothering to try and calm down, but letting all my emotions flow freely. Without out realizing it, I fall asleep.