13. I Want To Write Something...

I want to write something. It has been this way for a while now. I wake up, feel that my body is telling me something. Do my job, feel that something is lacking. Go to sleep, feel like I'm forgetting something. It has been this way for a while now.

Today, I decided to write. Anything...

Just writing it down would be fine.

Then, while I was doing my job, many unnecessarily good things came to my mind. I could create a story with the first one. But, I was in the middle of my work, so I put the writing on hold for the time being.

After some time, When I took my keyboard and connected it to my phone, excited about the content I had...

I had forgotten around 99% of the content. By content I mean the exact words which had made me happy while I was humming them on my own.

I didn't like that. But what can I even do?

I went around doing other works.

Then, After around two hours of that, A new uselessly good poem came to my mind. I thought I will write it down as soon as I finish my work. I finished the job sooner than the time limit and then went and fixed the keyboard with my phone...

When, I started typing, I was stuck, again.

I had forgotten the exact words for the poem I had in my mind. It sucked.

This thing happened one more time. I am not interested in explaining that as well. As, It was the same as this one.

Then, After finishing all of my work,

I was feeling like I was craving something.

It was a feeling I often felt When, I didn't know What I wanted to do?

So, I connected the keyboard again, and started typing without much thought.

Then, for some reason..

Whatever I am writing came to me as I'm writing it down.

I think, my hands were uncomfortable as I was not using them to write something.

My body is uncomfortable as I have stopped using it to do exercise.

My mind is uncomfortable as I have not done much of thinking as of now.

Sometimes, I wish I had known how to think analytically. I will learn to do that though. That's a given. But, I wish I had done that sooner, when I was a kid. I had a nice chance to focus on many things, one at a time. But, I was ignorant and nobody was there to point it out.

I have learned how much important it is to provide kids with opportunities. I will do that to my kids ofc. I won't force them to do anything they will come to hate. But, I will show them that there are many things and skills in this world that you can learn if you want to? I will show them that they can spent their time doing something they like, or they can learn a skill that they might like.

It's always better to become THE JACK OF ALL TRADES AND MASTER OF SOME.

I'll make them JACK OF SOME TRADES by the time they reach adulthood and let them choose to MASTER whatever they like.

It is nice if you are living a life. It is nice that you are only thinking of the present. But, it is also nice to consider what you can give to others when you haven't received it from your others. As you know better than everyone in this world, What was it that you wanted, and the world didn't give you.

I have wanted many things from those I look up to as I was a child. But, given my nature I was unable to confide that to them.

After growing up, I stopped looking for things I don't need. I stopped expecting things from others. Still given my nature, It was difficult.

So, I'd like to become the adult now who can give the world what I was unable to ask my world. Ofc, I won't assume what they want or they might like. I'll show they the choices. I'll show them the world, and give them enough confidence to ask me anything they wish. Ofc, I won't be giving them everything they wish for as well... But, the point here is I would give them the world, where they can choose to ask me,

It's like A gatcha Card game. I'll provide the cards to them, revealing everything. Buth good and bad. I'll provide them the wisdom to choose anything. At the same time protecting them from the wild cards. Ofc, I won't interfere too much. I mean to say, Ahhh....Suck It! Don't mind it. Whatever....You get what I mean...right?

That's why I tend to become overly considerate or meddling onto affairs I shouldn't meddle.

There are many flaws in me. There are many nice things too. Nobody is perfect. But NOBODY is a defect as well.

That's why I always like to say, "HUMAN MIND SURE IS COMPLEX!"

I wish I could go back to the ayurvedic era of my country. It's said that, at that time some humans used to have complete control over their mind. They could control the elements with their mind, they could control the illness with their will. If it is true? they would have been some awesome people.

I would find one of them, and will ask them, to be their disciple. Even if they don't take me in, I would be fine just by observing THEIR way of life.

It sure is nice to write down whatever you feel. The only advantage I have, is that I don't have to keep it a secret. At first, I sure had made some unknown remarks. But, after realizing what should be the line, I have been able to express myself in a more Noble way.

There have been ups and down with my life. But yeah, I am still alive. That's all that matters to me right now. As long as Me and My loved ones are alive, I can even volunteer to defeat the demon lord. Ofc, I know I'm not strong enough to do that yet.

But, It won't be hard to kick his ass after I become THE NORTHERN DUKE.

See Yaa...