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I remember discussing poetry with a friend of mine. He was always so emotional. Every time I read his poetry, writing, or other forms of literature, I would start to think it was weird. He always had such emotional, and deep shit to say. It made me wonder if he really was 17. He actually got me into writing. I used to write before, but he really flipped my writer switch. He got me into poetry, and I was planning to participate in our school poetry slam with him. We were pretty chill friends. We even wrote 2 poems together.

As much as fun times last, sh!t also hits the fan. I am not much of a social media person. I usually just read books and do my work. Focus on school, chores, books, anything but social media. You could call me a hermit of some sorts. Anyways, I remembered reading about a car accident on the news. It said "two teens dead from crash" . I was thinking to myself "whoa that's fucked up".

Then I saw something from my school saying 3 of our students passed away, and that the school is in total shock. I was sort of scared. I wanted to know who it was, then I did find out who passed. Though I didn't believe it. I walked into school and our flags where at half staff. They had jrotc students saluting the flag. I saw a few people tearing up. Though I just blinded myself and walked in. Then a acquaintance of mine asked if I knew about it, and said that Jo and Tim are gone. I laughed and said "yeah right"

"keep calm" I tell myself.

I just couldn't. I went to the other people i know and just grabbed some tobacco. I tried to pinch out the chewing tobacco, but my hands kept shaking. After I put the tobacco in my mouth, I was still shaking. So I smoked a cigarette. At that moment, I wasn't thinking about ruining my straight "A" student image. I just needed something to calm me down.

It works. tobacco can calm you down. So I got into chewing and smoking tobacco. Then it hit me hard one day. I just cried. and no matter how much tobacco I used, I couldn't feel better. So I smoked weed, and weed was good, until I met pain killers. Then I spiralled into a deep abyss of drug abuse. So much people saw how hard I had it, and they helped me. Jo's family saw how much I was fucked up and made me a poll bearer. Then a girl told me "Pain killers get rid of physical pain, not emotional"

After that I straightened up. I stopped doing all that bad stuff. Then during Jo's funeral I stayed sober. Jo's mother asked us if we could visit any chance we get. and we do. Me, Mike, and Vince stop by Jo's place whenever we can.

Sometimes I wonder.

what would have happened if I did not realize and pull myself out of that state of depression. would I be a drug addict? or would I be a loser? would I have lost what I have now?