21 I hate it

I just had an argument with my mom. You see I went to the clinic to have 6 viles of blood drawn. So I feel pretty weak, but she keeps asking me to do shit. Then she bitched at me because I kept laying down. Then she went off how she's diabetic so she always feels sick. Then I snapped.

I was just angry. I was mad. Mad that she can use her sickness as an excuse while I can't.

She gave herself diabetes by eating to much candy. So she made herself sick. I on the other hand. I was born sick. I need to take medication or I'll die. I was born with some fucked up incurable chronic illness. I hate it. I fucking hate it so much. Sometimes I feel as if she forgets I'm sick. Like right after school she told me to get to her work, but no bus drops to her work. So I had to waltz my ass in the fucking hot ass sun. keep in mind it was 90 farenheit at its peak today.

I had my school bag full of books and my duffel bag full of other shit. Then I had to load pig food and unload it. After that I just went inside played a little games and went to take a nap. After that I just kept on having to do shit. While she sat in a chair. I was on my bed while she was in the kitchen and she told me to go make her a drink. The fucking water dispenser was just a few feet from her. While my room is on the other side of the fucking house.

You know I almost passed out today. She didn't mind though. I mean. she's the mother right? and mother knows best.

I just hate being sick. I hate being sick. I hate being sick. I fucking hate it. I hate it so much.

I can watch people do sports, but I can't because it'll be dangerous.

Also my body slowly shuts down on me. I mean I can live a normal life, but that's if I take my medicine and go to clinics every month. Who would want that? To be pumped full of drugs just to live. Knowing that it's all just a worthless struggle, delaying the inevitable. I mean just taking meds will add a dozen years of life. We just can't guarantee it'll be one without pain.

I'm sorry guys for being so emotional. I just had to rant.

Sincerely: Calamity