Confession

My confession to Taneesha was coming… I had to brace myself to tell her. My breathing is panicked, and I feel as if I'm going to vomit, that's how nervous I am. I had to tell her though, we told each other everything and this was an extremely important confession, she must know. Otherwise, I'd feel as if I were lying to her, lying to myself. Shaking, I message her, requesting to speak whenever she's available. Later, maybe couple hours? She replies… I take a big and deep breath and calm my anxiety a bit before saying it. "I have a confession to tell you and it's been killing me for awhile now. I'm trans" I felt as if my soul left my body at that point, what would she say? Its been over a year I've found myself as non-binary but now things have changed…This pressure on my chest… the fact I could loose her due to this made my eyes swell from tears. After three years of having her by my side, could I loose her like this? Would she leave?

Half an hour passed and I got a notification, it was Taneesha. I couldn't stop shaking, my nerves felt as they could shut down any moment.

"It's alright, I accept you, I love you. I'm never going to leave and no matter who you are, I'll love you. You're my best friend' sweat dripped from my face, I started crying from the sweet release of intense anxiety. I explained that I had told my friend first while we walked from his house to the shop to pick up some supplies, then second person was her. I was extremely frightened, horrified. It was calming to know they both could love me for the person I was, I'm only becoming my truth. A man.

Over the time, my dysphoria grew, sometimes I would cry myself to sleep at night without a problem. My eyes would burn from the ongoing tears and my arms yearn for somebody to give me a hug. Yet, in a way she was always there. With her words I could calm down, she was one who could give me that hug I needed, the one who could wipe the tears. With all this, the fact was…

We had never met.

I didn't know the touch of her skin, but through the internet, virtually I could feel her hands touch my face and wipe the flowing water that shed from my eyes.

Thankyou for accepting me.