1 Unbecoming of a Lady

[Novaturient (adj.) desiring or seeking powerful change in one's life, behavior or situation]

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Yvonne Pereira stumbled inside their home, drunk as a skunk[1]. She had just experienced the most bitter and hurtful betrayal there is on the planet. What else could it be?

The man who promised to spend the rest of his life with her, cheated on her with some unknown female species. This was already... what? About the second time she experienced being cheated on.

What made this even more hurting was that tomorrow would be her thirtieth birthday. What a wonderful present to her, wasn't it?

Yvonne had doubted her self-worth, her whole being, even her own heart's ability to love. Was she so blind in choosing a man to love? Was she really meant to grow old and die alone?

Does being a broken shoe enough of a reason for these men to treat her like a rag, that once used, they could just throw her away?

Her insecurities piled up as she compared her current situation with her peers who had their careers on their peak and had a family of their own. Some got engaged and married as others were basking on their own success. She couldn't help feeling deep envy on their lives whenever she visits the social media.

What about her? Her last hope of building her own family went down the drain, shattered by the man who promised her own version of "forever."

What can she be proud of about her life?

She was forced to abandon her lifelong dreams for the sake of keeping her family afloat. She naively gave herself to men who promised to treasure her yet failed to value her. She allowed herself to become a pushover by everyone around her.

And she hated it. She hated what she had become. She despised what she allowed others to do to herself.

The darkness of depression loomed over her that she decided to indulge in drinks after getting off from work. Everything she kept in her heart, she drowned them all in alcohol.

As she flicked on the lights of their small kitchen, a voice sounded behind her.

"Where have you been?" Mrs. Pereira coldly asked her daughter, arms crossed in front of her.

"Mom, please." Yvonne groaned as she poured a glass of water.

By the tone of her mother's voice, she knew an endless scolding would ensue. A terrible headache was slowly getting itself known.

"This behavior of yours is truly unbecoming of a lady." Mrs. Pereira scowled.

Yvonne scoffed at the statement as she finished drinking water.

"I'm already old enough to take care of myself... Mother."

"Take care of yourself? It's already late, and you're coming home drunk. Is this what you call taking care of yourself?!" Mrs. Pereira continued to berate her daughter.

"As long as you're living under my roof, you have to obey me. My house, my rules! Or else, get out of here!"

Yvonne clenched her fists. She felt so powerless under the circumstances. She could not find it in herself to disobey her mother, much less live on her own given that she's currently broke. But then again, whose fault was it that she's been buried in debt?

"Alright, I understand." Yvonne fumbled inside her purse and took out a wad of cash. "Here's my share to pay our bills."

For almost a decade of working as a regular employee, she still wasn't able to save up for herself. Every salary and bonuses she received, she dutifully offers to her parents.

At the sight of money, Mrs. Pereira's eyes brightened up with greed that she immediately calmed down. "Hmp. At least you're aware of your obligation."

She then turned around and left after getting the money.

From the moment Yvonne graduated, she's been to different companies working her ass off to help her family stay afloat.

The Pereira family was a small, ordinary household headed by the late Elizardo Pereira and his wife, Mrs. Carolle Silas-Pereira. They were blessed with two daughters. The eldest, Mozette Pereira, was born two years after their marriage. After another three years came Yvonne. Both siblings were raised by nannies, and filial piety was deeply taught onto them.

Even coming from an ordinary household, her parents didn't strive to buy a house of their own. Hence, up until today, they were still living in rental houses. This was one of Yvonne's frustrations.

Yvonne laid down on her bed as she wallowed in self-pity once again.

She once had a dream of being a lawyer. Not only was it a good paying job, but she believed having that as a career would boost their family's status. Initially, Mrs. Pereira wanted her to become a nurse and work in a prestigious hospital. Her father, Elizardo Pereira, just supported whatever she wanted to pursue. However, they had no choice but to relent when she took up a pre-Law degree back in college.

On her graduation, she immediately landed a job in an insurance company. She thought that with the job she had, she could finally pursue her dreams even without her parents' support. That was until her parents spoke to her.

About a year after she graduated, Mr. Pereira no longer had the strength to provide for their family. His sickness worsened, escalated into something all of them weren't prepared.

For this reason, they wanted Yvonne to help provide for them and share the responsibilities of paying their bills as well as her father's expensive medical treatment. Her elder sister was already married and started a family of her own that the elders didn't want to force her to support them.

She was against the idea, but growing up being taught to obey and honor one's parents, she forced herself to fulfill her parents' wishes. One job after another, Yvonne found herself at a loss in trying to stay filial by providing for the family while holding on to the dream that seems out of her reach. Later on, her father finally succumbed to his death.

In the process, she has lost her heart multiple times that she would often tell to herself in front of the mirror, "Maybe, I'm not good enough to be even worthy of being loved."

Her relationships with men were filled with deceptions and broken promises, so much so that she had decided to put up walls around her bitter heart.

She thought to herself a lot of what ifs, could-have-beens and should-have-beens. She was very much unwilling to embrace the fate of what she had become.

"I wish I could turn back time and redo my life." Yvonne unknowingly whispered in her sleep as silent tears poured from her sad eyes.