2 Purpose of Life

It's been a week since I've seen Victor. That day, after Rima and I had finished the work, the path we had to go through to reach the exit was through the barista's desk. I looked at the table and I didn't see Victor. The place is empty.

"So, I think he just had a stale talk with me this afternoon. If he wanted to talk to me, he would probably try to meet me in the back," I said to myself on the way home.

To be honest, there was a bit of disappointment when I couldn't say "see you again" to Victor when I wanted to go home. But, yes, it is. Again, yes it is. We used to be very close back then, but someone could change, right?

The older we get, the more we go through and that journey changes us. I think Victor went through the same thing. The Victor I know is no longer there. How stupid I am. That day I realized that I was the only one who still felt our childhood relationship was special. I thought we could talk like we used to and forget about it.

I also need to focus. I have a job to do. The client won't want to know about my feelings. They want the work entrusted to be done in time. For a week I was busy finishing the article. Working as a freelance writer and having a work contract with a company is both fun and exhausting.

It's nice when I get a paycheck. I'm happy to be able to pay the bills with the money I earned. The exhausting part was because I had to write in front of my laptop every day, finish five SEO articles, and finish other writings. I can go in front of my laptop for a total of 14 hours a day. I don't even remember anything I did. As I recall, I was just working.

Another exhausting thing has to do with psychological problems, the ability to control emotions, which is that I use my income not to meet my needs or to buy what I want, but to finance my sister's life as well. I have to take responsibility for the tuition fees. It was emotionally exhausting. Those who live as the sandwich generation must understand. You understand what I mean here, right? Well, I hope your struggle isn't in vain because I expect the same thing. I don't want to kill my hobby. I want to have plenty of time to write fiction.

From childhood to the present, I still want to be a famous novelist. I want to be known as a novelist. But until I was 30, it was like candlelight in the wind. I still survived the flame of writing a novel inside of me, but sometimes I felt frustrated because I was so emotionally in pain that it was hard to write a sentence. The pain can get sidetracked a little bit because I work.

I don't know when I'll keep going like this. I'm eager to abdicate the responsibility of being the first child of this sandwich generation. Rima once joked, "Marry a rich man!"

Hell! Even if the sentence was uttered in a joking tone, I remain convinced that getting married is not the solution to financial problems. If you need money, the only way is to work. Because only by selling services or products, we can get money. If we are lucky, if we can work smartly, we can be free of financial problems.

All of us who live in the middle-class line, have to go the extra mile to make ends meet. I've been so grateful when I can pay for boarding room rent, credit bills, buy gas, and eat regularly.

I admit, my meeting with Victor a week ago made me remember the days when I didn't think about the burdens of life. All of a sudden, I kind of went back to the times when I played, read comics with joy, and those school days sprung up in my memory quickly. Those happy memories, albeit fleeting, made my heart feel light. I was so happy that I forgot what had happened to us. Is that a sign that I'm grown up? I hope so.

Now, I have to go back to face reality. There are tasks to be completed. I opened my agenda book. I saw the list of work I did last night.

I'm used to making this worklist before bed so that the next day when I open my eyes, I can open this book and see the priorities of the tasks that have to be done today. This prevented me from doing unproductive acts. It also helps me act decisively in case a friend suddenly calls for karaoke or to have a coffee at the café.

I've been away from things like that for a long time. If I let my guard down, I'm afraid I could lose my rhythm and that would mean also missing out on the opportunity to support my sister's smooth course. You understand what I mean, right?

Let me explain, in case you are confused. I'm a freelancer. That is, I will get money or salary if the project is completed. My income depends on my compliance with completing tasks according to the employment contract. If I don't comply with deadlines, I can get complaints from clients and that can lead to unwanted things, the worst of which I lose them. If I lose them it means I also lose a source of income. I don't want to be like that. So, I forced myself to live according to schedule. Discipline.

It's not only applied to the work culture, it's also applied to the way I use the money I earn. I realized I had to take responsibility, to meet my sister's college needs and her daily needs, so here, I had to support two heads, myself and my sister. This means my income, whatever it must be taken into account, is to meet the needs of both of us. You understand what it means to meet your needs, right?

I minimize buying something based on the impulse of curiosity. I'm going to buy something or go somewhere for obvious reasons. If I knew I needed it, I'd use my money to get it. I'll use my money carefully. I made records of income and expenses. All that I did so that I know which ones I should do and which ones I should not hesitate to spend money on. It's all for the sake of achieving true happiness. I don't want to lose hope of that true happiness.

Therefore, I also do not often work in a workspace café. I'll work more at home, in my room. I am satisfied with what I have now and maximize its use so that I can earn higher income for higher needs. To be honest, funding a sister's college was hard for me, but I knew education was important. I thought I gave my sister a chance to get something that would be beneficial for the rest of her life. So let me suppress the desire to work in a more comfortable place. I resisted the urge to travel. I resisted the urge to buy my own house and so on. I'm focusing my income on something important right now first.

All of which made it easy for me to not return to Ecology Cafe for a week. It also prevented me from dating all this time. That's because right now, having a boyfriend or husband isn't my goal.

I saw the work agenda today. There is a task of writing five SEO articles. The editor has sent five keywords via Whatsapp. I'm glad that the editor gave me a theme that I liked. I have to write about anime. I watch anime a lot instead of reading comics now. It's not that I can't read comics. Nowadays, comics can be accessed through the application on smartphone.

The reason why I watch anime more often than I read comics is that I can see moving pictures. That's entertainment in itself for me. Lately, I've also chosen the genre of anime that is light genres, comedy, a slice of life. That's because such light genres and comedies don't make me think. My stress can be reduced because I laugh at the uniqueness of the characters' actions.

Before working at home, I take a shower first. The morning shower still makes me feel like I'm ready to write all day. My fresh body also makes my concentration work better. Usually, I make tea and prepare a few pieces of biscuits near the desk. If you imagine my desk is very good, a big table made of glass or teak wood, you are wrong. I use the lesehan table. So I also don't have a rotating work chair. I sat on the floor. I put coffee and biscuits on the floor near my desk. Can you imagine it now?

Most students in Indonesia and workers in Indonesia from the middle class do not have a study desk or work desk that makes us look professional when work at home. We have a lot of limitations, so we take advantage of those limitations as much as possible. Within those limitations, I'm glad I can still feel the spirit to pursue my dreams.

Ting!

A message on my phone. It was a message from Rima, it say, "I'm here."

Under that sentence, there's a photo. I looked at the Ecology Cafe barista's desk and Victor was caught on camera. Rima added a smiley emoticon underneath the photo. "What the hell!"

I massaged my forehead. I know Rima only invited me to work together at the workspace café, but right now, I want to avoid Victor. I don't want to be close to his shadow though. I don't want to realize that he's so close to me right now.