Missing Love

Reclining over the nightstand in my bedroom, I felt as if it had been years since I had that wired dream. Though, in truth, a little over a eeek has gone by and still no word from Xie. My feelings, emotion, and my drive to get up had all but dulled as each passing day felt like an eternal hell.

What's more, I have stopped having the same reoccurring dream of that glass room. I now mostly close and open my eyes at different set times of the day. Unable to dream of the world or myself, I drift in and out as I found the cool glass of the window to keep me calm.

Twirling my hair around my fingers softly as if they had a mind of their own, all I ever see is the gloomy wether outside as a passing storm had begun brewing for the past two days. It seemed to only get worse as I couldn't hear anything but the pulsing taps on the window.

Strong gusts of wind as if somthing were compelling nature to go in a war path. From in it all, I felt trapped within a perfectly intercate room made specifically to hold my weary soul as I felt oblivious to the warmest touch.

Everything in my room had turned dark as the inky light shining through was part behind the glass window as it reminded me of Xie in her glass room. Even pressing my hand over the cold window gave me a slight hope that Xie would end up on the other side had I wished hard enough.

My heart had been steadily beating louder than the sounds of the room. Almost a sad and sorrow filled tine sweet through the air as water began hitting the table. Taken back by the smallest droplets of water streaming down my chin, I felt powerless to hold anything back anymore.

Close to the end of my rope, I turn my body and rest myself beside the table whule gkiding my pale, boney fingers along the outline of the tear drops. My hair stained most of the desk in a luminescent light as if the only thing still alive was a part of me that I couldn't control.

Yet, I trunk my ficus into my hair as I can still recall the warm compliments Xie used to say about my silky smooth hair. Without batting an eyelash, I reach my hand onto the can I keep on my desk and grasp a pair of scissors to lighten my threads. A shallow, cold slice had ripped through the air as I cut off my hair to the base of my neck ti remember the time when Xie used to care for it.

That time was a year just before I entered middle school. Xie used to stuck to me like glue and would always give me her full attention. Changing me, grooming me, and even at times, kissing me on my head as she told me she lived me with ever word of the sence as I as only a child and understood that it meant becoming part of a world other than myself... Her world.

Hitting the tip of the scissors into the desk in a burst of anger, I felt a slight sting as I had slightly cut myself in my palm.

Lifting my hand, I could only stare blankly at the thin surging stream escaping down my arm. Rugged from the cold, a lost sight I had hoped to never see again without Xie to hold my hand as the sight of blood terrified me...

Ar least, before now it did as I stood calmly on the chair while wondering what I was so afraid of.

Sucking the wound, it soon stopped and I turned to pull my drawer and press a bandaid over it as I gently rested my shoulder beside the wall. In that instance, I felt the ice-cold cord within my stomach twist as it had been since...

Titling my head, I remained puzzled as I couldn't recall her name anymore. Sitting up, I clenched dmy nightdress and pondered what she looked like with intensity.

However, the harder I tried ti remember her, the farther she became as a sharp sting rang in my head. It then came to the point where I was in agony and no matter how much I screamed and cried, no ine came as I was sure my mom was holding the twins on the other side if the door as she wanted me ti work out my problems on my own.

For an excruciating half an hour, I lost my mind and remained my barrings while standing up. Heading towards the door, I opened it and held a soft smile while greeting mom and the twins.

"Sorry to have worried you... Might I please pass through to begin dinner? " As I stood watching their crushing gazes, I could only look up at the glass portraits of myself along the wall as my reflection look back at me.

A face, full of more agony for a frail girl to have, I wore without the slightest amount of pain or feeling. As her tear striken face shine in light over the passing thunder, she couldn't help but ease her expression as if staring through someone else's eyes.

Cold, dark, and full of misery and pain were all that remained as the moment I found my voice, I regaune dmy smile and cheerfully headed to make dinner...

Without much thought, I stood over the counter as a soft hum echoed through the house. Turning, I could only smile at Kola and Mili as the sound that shook them was coming from my own mouth. It seemed as if my being was broken and confused as another wall of darkness filled the gaping hole in my heart.

Before long, the three of us sat at the table as mom had chosen to skip dinner and instead, took a bath to calm her nerves. The twins and I enjoyed our time in silence as I smiled a few glances towards them.

Just as I finished, I rested my head over my hand and simply watched over them continue their meal. As time passed and they finished, I picked up the plates and began washing then as the towns headed right off to bed.

However, as the runing water ran through my hands, Mili stopped at the base of the stairs and asked about a question about our older sister. Turning, I gave a faint smile and spoke.

"Who..? " It was then that I knew I was no longer myself as somthing else had taken over my heart. "Sweet dreams Mili... Kola... Have a pleasant night. "

As the conversation died down, I turned back and snapped in judgment as my eyes centered and froze on my palm. The bandaid I out on earlier was hanging by a thread. I stood still for the passing night and threw it out while heading back to my room.

However, the moment I let go of the bandaid, I felt something much heavier leave my chest as I clenched my shirt when I turned my back...

"... Idiot... "

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