294 A Lost Traveler (3)

A Panda's Guide To Dealing With Immortals

1. You fucking don't

2. Never give your full name to the Fey, Vampires, and other Creatures of Old and make no promises

3. Never offend the gods unless you're prepared for the heaven's outlash

4. Do not disturb old and peaceful forests—and no, don't eat that juicy fruit!

5. When in doubt, run all the way to the south

6. If some perverted and lecherous god is out to get you, mentally prepare spending the remaining years of your existence as a plant or animal

Here was the thing—every place had their own problematic spirits and creatures not usually privy to a man. If you landed in a desert, found a beautiful lamp and gave it a little rub? You were better off shoving it up your arse than dealing with a trickster djinn who'd made your wishes come true.