Chapter 47

"Mommy?"

The call from the girl had both of them chuckling.

"We can never be alone, can't we?" Robbie said, as he leaned his forehead onto hers. "I can't wait for our honeymoon."

"Honeymoon?" Alex asked, suddenly imagining it and the heat rose to her cheeks.

Making love with Robbie uninterrupted was something she wanted to happen but she did not expect that Robbie was also looking forward to it, too.

Robbie smiled, seeing the red on her cheeks, as he let her go and the little girl came walking towards her mother.

"Hi, honey," Alex greeted. "Is everything alright?"

"I can't sleep," Sasha replied. "New place."

Alex sighed as Sasha sat in between them on the rug. They both wrapped one arm on each of their daughter's shoulder.

"You can't sleep in a new place?" Robbie asked Sasha.

The girl shook her head.

"But you slept well at the boat last time."

"It's because she was too exhausted and she just ate cake," Alex replied. "Sugar crush."

"You are like me, princess," Robbie said, caressing her cheek. "Whenever I travel to a different place, first night was torture."

Alex smiled. "Yes, I remember."

"However, you're a deep sleeper. There could be an earthquake or fire and you're still asleep," Robbie teased Alex.

Sasha laughed.

"You know, when we were younger, your mom and I used to camp here with Toni and Michael," Robbie told the girl.

"I think Toni said that to me awhile ago, Dad," Sasha said.

"Well, what she did not tell you was that, we used to prank your mom."

"Prank? What kind of prank?" the girl asked eagerly.

"Ohmigod! Robbie! Don't embarass me," Alex spank him playfully in his arm, and Robbie laughed.

"What? Should I not at least tell our daughter our fun childhood together?"

Alex chuckled. "Fine."

"C'mon, Daddy! Tell me," Sasha said impatiently.

"Well... it was Michael's idea."

"They placed a fake snake inside my tent while I'm sleeping," added Alex.

"Then we get the lids from the pots and banged it so loud outside her tent."

"I woke up, a little dizzy, and thinking the snake was real I screamed. I ran out of the tent, barefoot and screaming. I remember it was a bit foggy that morning and I could feel the cold ground on my feet. Not to mention it was a bit muddy, too so you can imagine my ugly feet full of mud."

Sasha laughed imagining it.

"Meanwhile, Michael and I were laughing so hard, and soon she realized it was fake so she chased us around while screaming because of the cold ground on her feet. It was so fun. You should have seen her face."

Alex narrowed her eyes at him.

"You and Michael are meanies," she said laughing and Robbie laughed along with her.

Sasha laughed, too. She loved how her parents had fun times together as kids.

"How come you never told me these, Mom?" Sasha wondered, and the pair stopped laughing immediately.

"Well, I..." and she looked at Robbie who was awaiting for her answer.

What would she say?

"If you were friends since you were kids, why didn't you stay close?" Sasha inquired.

"We did, honey, but... ummm... things happened."

How would she tell her daughter the reason without hurting her and Robbie?

"Like what?"

Robbie and Alex looked at each other.

"Sasha...." Alex started.

Sasha looked at her parents, creased her eyebrows, and then it hit her.

Could she be the reason?

"Was it because of me? Was it my fault that you were not speaking to each other for ten years?" she asked, her body was starting to shake and she stood up. She did not like this feeling.

The girl remembered the times she heard her mother cried in the bathroom, and from then on she knew that somehow she was part of her pain. Although Alex told her many times it was not her fault, she could not understand why her mother would not tell nor let her meet her real father.

Now she knew.

It was all because of her.

For the first time, her heart was broken.

Tears threatened to fall as her mother tried to calm her down.

"No, honey. It's not like that," Alex assured her daughter as she walked towards her.

Why is Sasha thinking this way?

As a mother, it was the last thing she ever wanted Sasha to feel and yet seeing the hurt in her eyes, she did not know what to do.

"So I'm the reason why you're not friends! Is that why you didn't tell me Mom? Because it was all my fault?" Sasha raised her voice.

Tears fell from the girl's eyes as her hands flung on her sides and she clenched her fists.

"No, honey. Stop it!" and Alex tried to give her a hug but Sasha shoved her hands away. "It's not your fault, Sasha. It was ours."

"It was mainly yours, Alex..." Robbie implied calmly. "If you didn't run away... "

Alex turned towards him. Right now, it was not the best time to blame her. They needed to support each other in letting Sasha feel it was not her fault, and yet here he was putting the blame on her.

"Really, Robbie?" Alex raised her voice at him. "Do you really need to do this right now?"

"But thats the truth, Alex. I don't even know why you had to. You know I will accept it no matter what. You know-"

"Yes I know you are responsible enough and I can't just dump that on you!"

"What do you mean by that?

Robbie was starting to feel the tension between them as Alex was about to answer when Sasha called.

"Mom..." Sasha cried. "Why, Mom?"

Alex turned her attention back to Sasha.

"Sasha... please don't cry. You're the most amazing thing that ever happened to both of us. Do you understand?"

"But why didn't you tell me about dad, Mom? Is it because you thought he was gay and..."

Sasha stopped as Robbie spat out.

"Is that true, Alex?" his voice raised. "Is that why you don't want Sasha to know who her real father is? Because you're ashamed of me?"

"Robbie-"

"No, Alex. You tell me why you never mentioned me to our daughter? What are you scared of? Do I not meet your standard of a perfect father because I am not manly enough like Miguel?"

Now he understood why she never dated anyone nor had she even thought of him throughout the years.

It was still about Miguel...

But what about these past few days? Why did she allow him to kiss her... to let him touch her?

It suddenly confused him.

And here he was in the verge of confessing his feelings to her...

Only to be rejected...

His thoughts angered him even more and he placed his hands on his hips, taking deep breaths to calm himself.

"You really want to talk about this now, Robbie? Don't you see what's happening here?" Alex spat out.

"Well, apparently you hid so many things from me and my daughter, Alex. Of course we need to know," he replied, angrily.

"WHAT ELSE IS NEEDED TO SAY? That it's my fault I have gotten pregnant and-"

Sasha ran towards the room and slammed the door. She had enough listening to her mother blaming her. She locked the door and threw herself on to the bed.

"Sasha!" Robbie called as he went towards the door. Alex followed him. He turned the knob, found that it was locked and kept knocking. "Please open the door, honey."

"No!" Sasha yelled, as she sobbed on the bed.

"Honey, please, talk to us. Open the door," Alex begged as she knocked on the door.

She knocked several times as Robbie stared at her.

"Do you have a key for this?" Alex asked him.

Robbie just stared at her.

"Robbie..."

"Let's leave her first and let's talk," Robbie replied.

"Are you serious? Now?"

"Alex... You owe me an explanation."

"There is nothing to explain, Robbie."

"I need to know why you left."

"Can we not talk about this now? Our daughter is in there all by herself."

"She'll be fine. Tell me, Alex. Why did you leave? Why did you choose not to tell me?"

Alex sighed and walked away from the door. She started pacing, clutching herself.

"Alex.."

"I got scared, okay," she told him as her voice cracked.

"Scared? Scared of what?"

"Scared we won't be the same.... After what I've done, I knew you won't be able to trust me anymore. I felt ashamed..."

"Ashamed of me?"

"Ashamed of myself... I.. I don't know how to face you... your family... after all I've said. Then I have asked you to have sex with me-"

"I did that because I wanted to, Alex."

"But still, it was not right."

"What's not right about it? I don't regret that we did."

"But I do... and I blamed myself for it for years. I knew you'd give up your career just to raise the child with me and I cannot do that to you. I don't want to commit yourself to me just because of Sasha."

"You should have let me... at least as a friend. But you chose to run away without telling me... and go back to Miguel!"

He did not intend to raise his voice but the hurt he felt inside was starting to engulf him.

"Robbie... Miguel and I were not together when I flew to New Zealand."

"What? You mean-"

"We broke up even before I got pregnant with you."

Robbie was stunned by that discovery and he stared at her in disbelief.

Could he be wrong all this time?