5 The Wall's Cracking

At the banquet hall, both King Wystan and I sat next to each other, on a slightly higher ground than the rest of the guests. The seating arrangement was allocated as so, where even my Papa, the King, was placed lower than us. 

The reason for that was to give all the other royalties their full attention to us. That no one should dare to steal our thunder.  That we shall rise above all should unwanted rumours break out. That we DESERVED to be the 'King and Queen of the day' for all those present just by being the groom and the bride.

Even so, I cannot erase what I had heard in the powder room. I want to make full use of the day, abuse it along with the title and all. Make them kneel and beg for mercy. But for what? I know it won't be satisfactory. In the end, they would still be clueless.

But now that I think about it, it doesn't matter. It didn't have to happen today. Because right from this day onwards, I have been upgraded to be a Queen, and it's not just another fancy title for my wedding day. There will come the day where I will be able to squeeze out all those rumours from their head and expect clarification. 

But as for now, I could only resort to glaring and huffing airs from my nose. And that's what I did. I glared at the guests, each and one of them, reading their faces trying to see their true selves.

I tried to single out the gossipers in the powder room with my eyes but to no avail. Everyone seemed pleasant in the room and I was very much uncomfortable with it. I can't believe they were all good with poker faces.

Call me weird. Call me paranoid. But the gossipers were the tip of the nail that was about to break the wall within. It was enough to make me crack as I reflected on the days prior to the wedding.

"It just doesn't make any sense," I voiced out my thoughts out loud.

"What doesn't make sense?" asked the deep throaty voice.

"Today… and all the few weeks before this."

I was merely whining, unhappy at my new beginning. Well, not really whining but I just wanted to get it off my chest by saying it out loud. I wish answers would rain down to all these unexplainables but of course, like many other mystery riddles in life, I wasn't really expecting any answers, much less from the man who is legally bound to me for life.

"Why? What happened?"

"Oh, I don't know. It seemed everyone's true colour started to show and how I must have been cursed. Or maybe the fact that I appear to be invincible in the sea of people."

I felt a piece of tiny baggage had been lifted from my shoulder the moment I uttered those words. To know that he was listening me out, truly made me feel somewhat comforted. At least it removed the loneliness despite the chaotic craze.

"You do know you're literally sitting right in front of people, where people can see you, don't you?"

'Tsk! Why does he have to be so literal and naive?'

"Yes, I know that. But it's not like that. It's… Well… You know… Oh, I don't know. It is my first time feeling this way and I am not sure if I'm just hallucinating."

'Oh, how else would I explain without contradicting myself,' I thought as I shook my head, coward filling the other crevices as I backed out.

"Then enlighten me."

Those three words he spoke sounded so caring, so calming that if I have ever met a therapist, maybe this is how their tone sounded like. Making me slowly pour out my contents as I get myself comfortable with him.

"Well, I just feel as though I'm invincible. Like, they can't see me of some sort?"

"Hmm… I think you might need to explain further. All you have been doing is paraphrasing the same thing and it's not helping me to understand."

I let out a heavy sigh as I tried to find ways to word my sentence but couldn't. It is as I have suspected. Only I can understand what I'm going through so I gave up.

"Never mind. I guess you hardly ever experienced this."

My shoulders drooped as the words sunk in me. This was my first time feeling this way and it was really a mood killer. It made me soo small that all I could feel was worthlessness.

Thankfully, he only nodded his head and continued to eat his meals. I won't deny that I was kind of glad he didn't push it. Because I wasn't sure I was ready to admit feeling worthless, not when I have been fed with a silver spoon my whole life. Couldn't imagine what he would think of my upbringing or how it would reflect on my family.

However, after a while bathing in silence, the words in my head just rolled out of my mouth with ease but pained whispers. 

"It felt as if I was being ignored. But much worse than that… As if I have been abandoned or deserted by my own people."

That's when I found out that I don't really care what others think of me. What had been bothering me all this time was not those princesses gossiping about, not the fake smiles of the guests but it was my own family and people. 

My people weren't there to celebrate my wedding with me. Papa has been going on and off with his weird attitude that I have never seen before. All of it… made me truly feel alone in a place of familiarity.

In the midst of me wallowing in sadness, there was a loud clang and something shattering can be heard, coming from my right side.

I turned to see the oddly placed utensils on his plate and the already broken pieces of glass on the floor, followed by the scampering feet of the servants about to clean up the mess.

As I changed my view from those of the plates to his face, there I saw his frozen gobsmacked face. It was the same shocking look he had been wearing every now and then today. Only this time it took him longer to regain his composure. 

"My King, are you alright?"

What is WRONG with this man?

As much as I wanted to figure out what went on his head, the instinct to help the injured kicked in as I scanned his fingers for any cuts with my hands tracing along. While doing so, I heard very faint giggles and some fake retching going on but I did not think much of it. 

"What did you just say?" His pained voice whispered so low that it was as though he had no intention to say it.

"I asked if you're feeling alright."

"No, about the… The one before this."

"Huh? The abandoned one?"

"Yeah. That… What exactly do you mean by that?"

"It's nothing, really. Anyway, we should really check if you need some quick medical care."

"No, I insist. What do you mean by feeling abandoned?"

"Really? That's not what matters right now."

But as he bore a hole in my head with his deathly glare, I quickly answered, "It's nothing really. It's just me being a petty princess."

I wanted to drop it as I was dying with embarrassment, but he insisted on knowing. And like any other human being, what happens when your button is pushed? You overreact!

"Oh, I don't know where to start. Was it the bawling flower girls that did not help to make the wedding aisle livelier, was it the lack of attendance at the garden or how empty the streets were? All of them were a contributing factor."

Those words rushed out of my mouth like a broken dam releasing all the water bodies from its reservoir. I hope you realise what you've done, you annoying King! Too late to undo it as my emotions poured like there's no tomorrow.

"You… I… But how??"

"How what??"

"How did you… Are you saying you were experiencing it all?"

For the thousandth time, what in the tarnation is he talking about?