10 No expectations, no disappointment

Papa was shifting uncomfortably in his seat, squirmed about as he tried to gobble down his food.

"Papa, relax. No..."

"Uh-uh-uh, my darling Farah. Let's just eat in silence." Papa's wrinkled eyes looked dazed. I thought it was Wystan's doing, but he looked genuinely surprised as well.

It was a quiet breakfast session where the clanking metal utensils and the clinking glasses did all the talking. Wystan did not even get to say what he wanted to say to Papa. Not that he didn't try, but every time the Warrior King was about to say something, Papa cleared his throat as though he had something important to deliver. Alas, his action was followed by nothing but continued shoving food down his throat.

Once Papa had his fill, he practically dashed out of the door.

"Told you we weren't expecting to have breakfast with him," I complained while stabbing the egg sandwich with my fork.

It's not that I want to spend some time alone with Wystan. I don't. I really don't. It's just... Everything felt awkward. I'm getting conscious of what everyone might be thinking. How their Princess... *sigh* I don't even want to think about it.

"What is it about anyway?" I need to change the topic in my head.

The soft blonde hair bobbed as my husband looked hesitant to share goodness-knows-what with me as his pale lips parted and closed several times.

"I'm wondering whether it's best for you to stay here and not follow me back to Hawthorn."

That was unexpected.

"As much as I would love to support that very idea, I don't think that's a wise decision."

"No offence, Princess, but our culture is vastly different."

My left eyebrow raised in reflex. "It's given that both our cultures are different but is that really a reason to prevent me from leaving my homeland?"

I never got to hear the answer to my question that day. Perhaps what I said made sense to him. Perhaps he had already tuned me out by then. I don't know. Nonetheless, the subject was no longer raised, and we spent the rest of the week minding our own business, exchanging pleasantries out of courtesy.

Maybe he was right. Maybe it really was the culture that made us ocean's apart and difficult to see eye to eye. But now that we're legally bound, there is no more excuse to not use the bridge anymore. As royalties, we have to do our best for the people. His and mine. Our priorities come second.

However, it still felt annoying that he tends to be unresponsive and keep things to himself. I tried to be understanding, but he's downright unpredictable. When he's being a gentleman, he IS one. When he's in a talkative mode, it was to defend himself - like a lawyer whose life depends on the outcome but kinder. Most of the time he's lost in his own world, answering whenever he feels like it, and it was frustrating!

It's only been a week since I met him, I wasn't sure how my sanity would hold in the near future. Especially tonight would be the last night in the Taaffeite Kingdom for me. Tomorrow we'll be heading to Hawthorn Empire around ten in the morning.

On our last night, we had dinner together with Papa. I wasn't paying attention when the men talked. I was too busy trying my best to keep my emotions in check. It was my first time leaving Papa alone after all. It was my first time following someone that I still consider a stranger. How can it not be when we didn't bother to get to know each other over the week?

I managed to think something funny just to cheer myself up when I overheard Wystan's request to reduce the number of my entourage from following. The cheeky, pathetic man even convinced Papa that it was only fair for me to bring a handful when he came with only fourteen people. Pfft! I hate politics and their negotiation!

Before I could refute, Papa had already agreed to my husband's selfish request without demanding a proper explanation!

"Wystan!! I thought we agreed no more of what you're doing right now?"

"Farah, that's not very Princessy of you to talk to your husband like that." Papa's voice was stern with his eyebrows furrowed. It was a mixture between 'don't interfere when adults are talking' and 'I'm doing my King duties now, I'll talk to you later' face.

"It's not fair! I'm the one who is at the centre of this request, and none of you bothered to ask me!" I stormed out of the dining hall showing only the tip of the iceberg of emotions, knowing full well that Papa's not being manipulated right now.

I have always, always, ALWAYS yielded. My priorities had always come second. ALWAYS! But in this case where the Taaffeitians aren't involved, where it does not bring any harm to my people, why am I still second???

Is Papa taking advantage of me? Selling me off to the military nation for the benefits of the Taaffeite Kingdom? Is that WHY I'm second right now? Is that why Papa agreed to his silly request? But what about the prophecy? Could it be nothing but make-believe?

My head throbbed with all the assumptions, trying to make sense of the situation. But nothing came to fruition. I guess I have to accept the fact my marriage is nothing but a political affair. That I am just a pawn for Papa.

My heart breaks at the notion. However, the sooner I accept those cruel reasons, the less pain I'll endure in the future. No more expectations, no more disappointment.