2 Bastard God!

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"HAHAHAHA, IT WAS DAMN FUNNY! GAHAHAHA!"

I was woken up by a burst of a damn laughter sound like filling all dimensions. It was a deep, strong voice. I tried to open my eyes, but for some reason, it hurt like a son of a bitch. Like I never used them at all. Is this the legendary 'returning to the original'?

After some struggle, I finally opened my eyes, and I was floating in endless white. There was a room not far away. With three walls surrounding it and basic living room material inside. A giant Tv, a comfortable looking couch, a Persian rug, gallows with chips and a beer can on it. An old man was sitting on the couch watching the tv. From the angle I was looking at it, the screen was frozen on a scene where a sagged junk was resting on a crimson panty. It kinda hit me like a Déjà vu, but I wasn't so sure, because my mind wasn't very clear at the moment. As if this particular frame was too important to me but at the same time it was too distant. It was a weird feeling which I could not explain.

As if he felt my existence, the old man stood up and turn to me all of a sudden, and smiled like he could not hold his laughter.

"Pfft- Haha, come, come. I was waiting for you. Gahaha, damn son you were funny until the last moment." said the old man and press the "Play" button to show me what he was watching. As the screen continued, I saw how embarrassing my last few days were. From the minute I got knocked out by my co-workers to save the oh-boss-of-mine, and how I ended up in jail. Later I announced as a "failure" rapist and shived to death. While this was displayed on the giant Tv, the old man was choked on his laughter.

"What the hell is going on? Who are you? And where am I?" The reason started to come back to me. Yes, I have died. I have been shived to death because of the stupid decision. A decision I avoided my whole life, and I would do so if I didn't find that stupid diary of the boss of mine.

"Well, you are dead. As you see, I am the One. And you are here to get your reward." The old man said.

"What do you mean with 'the One', and what reward are you talking about?" I asked suspiciously. I mean, yes I never commit a grave sin, but as far as I know, I was a bad bad person for almost all religions, and I am going to be rewarded?

"You see, I was bored like, let's say how old are you?"

"26"

"Yep, I was bored 26 years ago and wanted to have a little fun. So I checked all the newborns of the day, so I could change one of their destiny a little bit. I found you on the random generation list, with great potential and life with lots of beauties and riches. So I did fix it a little to see if you could give me a surprise. Well, you certainly did, young man, I did have lots of fun."

"What do you mean you changed me? I mean if you are God, haven't you created me in the first place?"

"Pfft. I stopped doing that eons ago. It is all automatic now. The random generator machine takes the DNA of the pair and assigns you with random destiny."

"And, what did you do to me?" I asked with twitching lips to indicate my frustration, and furrowed eyebrows showing my anger.

"Well, I fixed your mighty rod a little bit, so as long as you were ready to take the action it would stop working, and except those rare times, it would never- pfft- it would never-hahaha- it would never go down. Aren't I hilarious? And later, when I noticed you were godly in your peeking skills, I changed your bodily reactions so when you were doing your peeking, you would get red like tomatoes, and sweat like a pig, and the perv beam would shot out of your eyes, just brilliant. I am fucking a genius, a genius I say. Wahaha!"

"So, it was all you wanted to have fun. You messed with me, just because you were bored?" sadness crept on my face as my life started to play in front of my eyes. All those failed relationships, all those disgusting looks I received, and all those thoughts of killing myself because of these things... I was the way I was because some mighty being wanted to have fun?

"Pretty much. Well, you made me have fun for almost 16 years, so it was good. How about it, I will give you another chance to live, and I will help you while I am at it." God said still with actual tears at the edge of his eyes.

"Well not that I have a choice. I received a lot of negative karma since I screwed your fate, and prevented you to do too many good deeds with it, I can't even calculate the deeds your descendants would do. Gah! Too complicated, but even as a mighty deity myself, I can't escape from clutches of karma, so I have to somehow fix it."

"You mean like, reincarnation?" I asked in surprise after standing still for I don't know how long. After all, it wasn't easy to get over this feeling just like that.

"Yes, of course. I actually have a good one. Let me see, this and this, and this. Okay, you are good to go. I will change your status to 'free of all monitor', so no one can peek on your destiny, not even me. You know, sometimes I can't stop myself to check people's destiny when it stuck on a cliffhanger, so I did this to prevent myself to peek on your destiny. Anyway, you are ready to fly. Go, my son, give me another show to watch.