1 chapter one

BRONX, NEW YORK

september, 1992

BEFORE you start reading any further and begin judging me, just remember that I never asked for any of this.

I never wanted to live this life where I took care of a addict mother and four siblings on my own in a three bedroom project building. I never wanted to result to dealing drugs because my job as a busboy at this shitty restaurant wasn't paying me enough to live in our house. I never wanted to go to an elite prep school all the way in Manhattan just to keep secret that I only got in because of a scholarship. I never expected any of this to come crashing on me.

Especially when I fell for someone who didn't deserve to be collateral damage.

"Christian!" I hear suddenly in my sleep, "Christian! Christian!" I toss to my side and force my eyes shut until I'm abruptly woken by a sudden weight added on top of me.

I groan in pain and wearily open my eyes to see my little sister, Kaylee, smiling at me widely too display a missing tooth, "I lost a tooth today!"

I could help but laugh, "Yeah, I can see that," I groggily responded, "Did you pull that one out too?"

She pouted quickly, her smile dropping, "No, I didn't that this time, I promise."

"Okay," I toss my up hands as I sit up, "I just wanted to make sure before I call my friend, the tooth fairy, and have her give you a dollar when you pulled it out instead."

I look around at my other siblings, who were knocked out cold, tightly wrapped up in their blankets. I then look at Kaylee, "Why are you up so early?"

"Mommy left and I heard the door close." I furrowed my brows at her, watching her fumble with the stuff toy she's has since she was two before looking at my clock on the table to see it was past 6:30.

"Shit," I mumbled before I was quickly punched by Kaylee. I huffed at her forcefulness, "Sorry, sorry. I forgot to set my alarm." I move her off of my legs slightly and get out of bed before stretching, "Cam, Colton, get up!"

They groan simultaneously, but Colton was the first to get up, "What time is it?"

"Time to get ready and slap your brother awake." I answered and pick up Kaylee from my bed to carry her out of the room and into the kitchen.

"Morning," I hear my other sister, Kiera, greet as she walked past me and into a chair that was at the table in the kitchen. My mom believed it was smart to name her kids with only two letters of the alphabet, assuming she was on drugs each time when she was naming us or she just wanted to be confused. Kiera was the second oldest after me, Colton and Cameron were twins after her and Kaylee was the youngest out of all of us.

I noticed she was already dressed and had a bowl of cereal prepared for her to eat, "Morning," I responded, putting Kaylee in a chair next to her, "You know where mom went?"

She shook her head as she began eating, "Work, I think."

I sighed, pulling out some bowls for us to eat with, "Did you hear about how Kaylee's tooth finally came out?"

"Yeah, I pulled it out for her this morning," Kiera bluntly told me and I gave Kaylee a look.

"I told you I didn't pull it out!" She whined before my brothers came in. Neither of them were morning people, so they just grabbed the bowls I set out and the boxes of cereal that Kiera set at the table.

"Hurry and eat up please, I need you dressed and ready in the next twenty minutes." I informed them and Cameron looked at me with a glare.

"Twenty minutes? I didn't even get to pour my milk!" He huffed out, "Why are we in a rush anyways?"

"Because it's almost 7." I simply told them, only hearing shouts from them, except Kiera. Kaylee was beginning to follow our brother's footsteps just to feel included, only shouting nonsense. I groaned loudly, "I thought I set my alarm, alright? Just thank Kaylee for getting me up and being able to have you ready, hopefully, in the next 18 minutes."

Cam rolled his eyes and ate quickly, which he despised, and Colton grunted lowly you himself, but thanked Kaylee first. They were able to all stuff their mouths with their quick breakfast before rushing to get dress, but Kiera went to the tv and turned it on.

"Good to know that one of you doesn't need to rely on me," I tell her as I put a piece of bread in the toaster, acknowledging she was fully capable of getting up and ready on her own, "You should convince your brothers to do the same."

"They're too much of a nightmare even for me," She scoffed, before changing the channel to the news and grabbing Kaylee to help her with her hair, "You know my recital is coming up."

I hummed, "I know, you've reminded me every week." I turn my back to her when my toast popped up, "You should be hounding mom about it."

"She wouldn't come," Kiera huffed, "She hasn't gone to not a single one of my recitals since I was seven. I'm turning sixteen now, Chris."

"Mom just has got a lot on her plate-"

"You have a lot on your plate," She corrected, but she was quick to change the subject, "But I'm only mentioning the recital now because I've been meaning to ask you if you could get me some new shoes?"

I furrowed my brows as I ate, "Already, Kiera? What happened to the ballet shoes I got you a month ago?"

"They're worn down. I've been practicing a lot in them and everyone in the class is talking about wearing a new pair for the show," She explained, "I don't want to be the only one with shoes that look like they've been through hell."

"That's a bad word, Kiera." Kaylee scolded at her and Kiera mumbled an apology.

I sighed to myself and took another bite of my toast, "I already spent last check on food for us to eat and mom isn't helping us anymore."

"I know," She nodded sheepishly, but I go over to her and pick up Kaylee when I finished eating.

"But," I paused as Kaylee tried to mess with my hair, "I'll try to talk to my manager and see if she could give me more shifts," I assure her and her face beamed up quickly before jumping up from the couch to give me a hug.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She repeated, hugging me and Kaylee tightly.

"You're welcome," I chuckled before handing her Kaylee, "I'm going to go get dressed, but make sure Kaylee has her lunch please."

She nodded and I wasted no time to go to my room and change into somewhat clean clothes. I sniffed my shirt before putting it on, groaning lowly as we were supposed to go to the laundry yesterday, but none of us really had the time because of homework. We were all busy in our own way, if that meant cleaning our own clothes, doing our homework, cooking our own meals and taking late night shifts at a job just to have a little extra cash for everyone. We all had our own responsibilities since our mother abandoned us when she really didn't. My mother has multiple jobs, causing her to be gone all day and all night, and never seeing her kids. Though, that's not the only reason since she is rarely in our lives.

When I finished getting ready, I leave my room to see my siblings scrambling around the house, hurriedly putting on shoes and fixing their hair. I put on my sneakers and my jacket before going to door to turn and see all my siblings standing close behind me. I smile at them, picking up our house key from the hook near the door, "Let's get this circus on the road, shall we?"