Signing Up

{Author's Note}

Not much to say here, other than that I am REALLY looking forward to writing chapter 53.

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DO DO DO DO DO ON WITH! DO DO DO DO THE STORY! (Sung to the Dora the Explorer theme.)

~~~

{That Night - The Dream Room}

"I still don't get why you allow that creature to continue existing," Ilias commented as she set down a yellow 2 card.

"For the fiftieth time: I have no choice," Kevin groaned, a yellow five leaving his hand and being added to the pile between the three of them. "You saw how she survived multiple attacks from Alice that I'm pretty sure could annihilate any monster below Queen Class, didn't you? She's a plot device, and no force on Earth, Heaven, or Hell can destroy her before the narrative says her time is up."

"..." Nodded Gnome in agreement, her card being a yellow skip.

Sylph almost threw down her cards in frustration. "That's the fifth time I've been skipped! I hate this game!"

Ignoring her, the Eevee hummed in response to the Earth Spirit. "She is like a cockroach. Even after losing the top layer of her skin, getting flash-frozen and melted by an equally intense fire, and having half of her bones broken, she still somehow managed to make it out. Hell, I bet she'll be back to normal by the time we meet up again."

"Is it petty of me to be happy that Alice ended up giving up?" the Light Spirit asked.

"Oh, absolutely. But, none of us will criticize you for it, right girls?"

"..."

"If I say yes, can I switch places with Ilias? I think Gnomy is cheating just to make me mad."

Kevin glanced at the short Spirit upon hearing that. "Are you, Gnome?"

"..."

"I get that your reluctance to speak makes winning impossible for you, but do you really need to pick on her in retaliation?"

"..."

"Alright, you got me there. Sylph, did you pick this game to make sure Gnome couldn't win?"

The tiny Spirit actually stopped whining and gave him a strained smile. "Um…maybe?"

"...Why?"

"Because she always wins at everything! It's no fun when you know you're gonna lose, so I turned the tables on her!" she declared, flying up in righteous fury. "Ever since we got our first host, she has dominated every game of luck and skill! Well, look who's winning now!"

Ilias raised an eyebrow. "Still not you?"

That took the wind out of the fairy-sized girl's sales. "...shut up." SMACK! "OUCHIE!:

And with a swat from the Earth Spirit while she was distracted, Sylph was knocked out of the air.

"Being an evil schemer doesn't suit you," Kevin nonchalantly commented. "Try a different schtick next time."

Sitting up slightly from her landing spot, she childishly stuck her tongue out at him in retaliation.

"Back to the topic at hand," the boy began. "We're just going to have to deal with Amira's existence until the world's narrative is done with her. She'll either follow the trope of becoming a more bearable person with time, or continue to be an annoyance and be killed once her usefulness has come to an end. Either way, everyone wins."

"...it still sends shivers down my spine every time you point out the fact that the world seems to run on 'storyline' logic," Ilias mumbled. "And it's even worse that, when looking back on my entire life, I can't just disregard it as nonsense."

Kevin shrugged. "It helps if you don't think too hard about it. If it makes you feel any better, there's an old saying from my home that goes: 'Everyone's a hero in their own story, and the villain of someone else's.'"

She went silent for a few seconds, before replying. "Kevin…I'm pretty sure I'm still the villain in my own story."

"Don't think like that!" Sylph cried out, suddenly zipping up to hug the side of the Light Spirit's face. "You're trying to get better, which means you're a good person! Bad people just keep getting worse, even when help comes along, so you couldn't possibly be the villain!"

"Then…who would it be?"

Gnome was the one to respond by pointing her finger at the ceiling. "..."

"Yeah," Kevin nodded. "Whatever force created this world, and the Spirits as a result, is the one at fault for everything that happened to you. You were just as much of a victim as everybody else."

That affirmation from her two sisters and the man that would likely become her husband when they finally met in person brought a teary smile to the blond woman's face. Dropping the cards remaining in her hands, she reached out and pulled all three of them into a hug, happy to be blessed with such supportive and understanding friends/family.

The rest of the night was, as usual, spent relaxing and talking about nothing important. There was an unspoken rule among them that only one serious topic per night, and they had exhausted that quota with comforting Ilias. All that was left was to unwind, complain about trivial things, and silently hope that the morning wouldn't come too soon..

{The Next Day - Late Morning}

It was a foregone conclusion that the four of them would be heading to the Colosseum that day. Despite none of them being particularly excited to see the glorified live pornography, and the tickets being particularly expensive, the advice given by Amira was enough to make them at least give it a chance. The food provided by the food stalls was just the cherry on top that made it that much more bearable.

Oddly enough, the food provided was almost identical to that found at most stadium events back in Kevin's old world. Hotdogs, hamburgers, french fries, potato chips, and more were sold alongside a variety of alcoholic beverages; though, sadly, there weren't any soft drinks. The Eevee may have pondered over why such foods existed in this medieval world, if he weren't busy sinking his teeth into one of the best burgers he'd had in his life.

The stands around the central arena were packed, though the majority of the audience was made up of women and girls of all ages. It was obvious that any men to be seen weren't there voluntarily, most of them staring at the battlefield with a mixture of longing and regret in their eyes. These were most likely the guys who weren't able to register as combatants, and thus weren't able to have their exhibitionist fantasies fulfilled.

"Gnomy! Pass me a french fry," Sylph requested from her spot on Kevin's shoulder.

The Earth Spirit, sitting on the boy's right side while Alice sat on his left, appeared to consider it for a moment…before grabbing a handful of fries and shoving them into her mouth. It should be noted that she maintained eye contact with her sister the whole time.

"Muuu," the tiny Spirit whined. "Why is nobody sharing with meeeeeeeee!?:

Alice glanced over at her. "You're the one who said you weren't hungry," she stated, taking a bite out of a hotdog.

"I wasn't, until you guys started eating! Come on, I'm really small! I won't need much to be happy!"

"You say that as if we haven't seen you eat as much as a normal sized person," the teenager commented.

That took the wind out of her sails. "I…you…hmph! You're all meanies! I'm not talking to any of you for the rest of the day!" she harrumphed, crossing her arms and turning her head.

"..." Gnome smiled, transmitting thoughts that amounted to 'you say that as if it's a bad thing, annoying brat.'

If this were an anime, a metaphorical arrow would've just pierced Sylph's heart at the way her ploy had backfired. A second one would've followed it with how her Host just nodded his head in agreement, reaffirming that her shutting up was actually a good thing.

"I hate it here…" she grumbled pathetically as she collapsed from the weight of 'depression.'

It was only a few seconds later that their attention was drawn to the first match that was starting down below. To the disappointment of most of the audience, the first two fighters were both monsters, with one being a minotauros and the other being a centaur.

Their battle started off with the centaur dashing in and out of the minotuaros' guard, constantly attacking and weaving between her opponent's retaliating strikes. In a battle of speed versus strength, speed will win out the majority of the time. That is, unless…

"Looks like the minotauros is the winner," Kevin stated, as if the battle had already been concluded.

Alice smirked. "So you noticed it too? She's guarding herself against any serious damage, but taking everything else. It's only a matter of time before she turns the tables."

"Excuse me, but what do you mean?" a voice came from behind them.

Turning around, they saw a woman sitting one row back from them. Her flaxen hair was put up in a bun with two long strands framing her face, and her purple eyes stared at them with curiosity through her rectangular glasses. From the expensive looking dress she was wearing, it was obvious that she was one of the nobles from the area.

"Well, it's obvious to anyone with eyes that the minotauros is baiting the centaur," the Eevee replied. "If you look closely, you'll notice that despite the amount of hits she's taking, the minotauros looks relatively unharmed. Meanwhile, the centaur is getting more cocky as time goes by, and making more daring moves."

"It's only a matter of time before she slips up and gives the minotauros the chance she needs to deal a decisive blow," the lamia agreed, shoveling some chips into her mouth.

The noblewomen didn't look convinced. "Is that so? I can't see this match ending as anything but a win for the centaur."

Almost as if the world was waiting for her to say that, the situation down in the arena took a sudden turn. The centaur came a little closer to her opponent in order to deal a finishing blow, only for the minotauros to show how strong and fast she actually was and slash the centaur with her ax. In a single strike, the centaur went down, unable to muster the strength to continue the fight.

"And there it is," Kevin smirked. "Told you so."

As the minotauros girl stood straight and raised her axe victoriously, the noblewoman's expression was one of surprise. "My word…it went exactly as you said. Are you a skilled fighter yourself?"

Sylph burst out laughing. "Skilled? There's nobody in this whole city that Kevin can't beat," she giggled. "Any battle would be over in moments."

"Hm…I see," the woman hummed, stroking her chin as she sank into contemplation.

Unfortunately for all of them, the next fight was about to begin. This time, instead of two monsters, it was a human man going up against a scantily-armored woman holding her head in one arm and a sword in the other. It was at least interesting for Kevin to see that dullahans existed in this world.

The man, despite appearing to be a soldier and wielding a large two-handed ax, was defeated in a matter of seconds. Grins appeared on the face of every woman, young and old, in the stands as they leaned forward, not wanting to miss a single moment of what was to come. The dullahan stared down at the man, who groveled at her feet, and licked her lips.

"Rape! Rape! Rape!" a chant starts among the females in the crowd.

"Yeah…I don't want to see this shit," Kevin deadpanned, shaking his head in disappointment. He knew this was coming, but for it to literally happen in the second match?

The noblewoman nodded in agreement. "Me neither," she stated with disgust. "I would like to speak with you, though, if you wouldn't mind."

It didn't take a genius to tell that this is the opportunity that Amira had been talking about. "Sure."

He stood up to follow her as she turned away from the arena and started walking toward the exit. Gnome quickly followed behind, with Alice bringing up the rear as they made their way out of the colosseum. But even as they left, they could hear the moans of pain and pleasure echoing from the 'defeated' man.

{Later - Throne Room of Grand Noah Castle}

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, the mysterious noblewoman turned out to be the Queen of Grand Noah. After a quick change of clothes, she now wore an even more elaborate purple dress as she sat on her throne, her glasses now discarded as well. Something told Kevin that she went out like that often, and nobody but newcomers to the city were fooled by the 'disguise.'

What actually made the boy chuckle a bit was the fact that the guards at the front gates of the castle had eyed him and his companions suspiciously as the Queen herself was obviously leading them inside, needing to be told that they were with her in order for the soldiers to allow them to pass.

When asked what was so funny by one of them, who looked like he was desperately trying to look intimidating at the moment, the Eevee simply stated. "I could destroy this entire castle in one attack. Your 'big strong guard' routine should be saved for someone who can't rip your arms off and beat you to death with them." To top it off, he exerted a fraction of his total elemental aura on both guards.

With them sufficiently terrified of the abomination their ruler had brought home with her, the group of four had been led to the throne room, before the Queen headed off to switch to her 'ruling' dress.

"As you saw, our country's proud colosseum has turned into something horrible," she began, frustration evident in both her expression and posture. "The only ones to win are monsters. Every so often there is a human contestant, but it always ends the same way. Since I took the throne fifteen years ago, there hasn't been a single human victor. I don't discriminate against monsters…but that fact is still depressing."

Channeling his inner Zuko, Kevin gave her the most heartfelt reply he could think of. "That's rough, buddy."

Both Sylph and Gnome have to hold themselves back from bursting into laughter at the reference. Similarly, the few guards in the room are doing their best to contain their rage at seeing him address the Queen so casually, believing that the first one to call him out on it will also be the first one to be violently murdered.

The Queen nods. "It is, indeed. These days, the monsters even rape the men right after they win. I'm sure you've also noticed how the spectators of the colosseum don't care about the fights themselves. They just like watching monsters rape men. There are even men who take part in matches just to get raped! Our once honorable colosseum has turned into a joke."

'Wouldn't the men volunteering for it mean that it's not actually rape?' Kevin thought.

'Probably,' Sylph mentally replied.

Focusing back on the Queen, the boy shrugged. "Shit happens. But, I'm assuming you didn't bring us here just to vent about your problems."

"Indeed, you are correct," she replied. "Once every four years, the Queen's Cup is held. Just once, I would like to see a human as the victor. To celebrate the fifteenth year of my coronation, this Queen's Cup's prize will be the green orb passed down through my family. Would you please grant my wish of having a human finally win, at least once?"

The boy stared blankly at her for a moment. "I could definitely participate, but there seems to be a misunderstanding here."

"Oh? And what would that be?"

"I'm not a human. My ears and tail are real, not a cosplay," he stated, twitching the former and wagging the latter to show their authenticity.

That brought the Queen's thoughts to a screeching halt. She had assumed that the boy was a cosplayer who enjoyed the aesthetics of the kitsune race, but now…yes, it appeared that those fox appendages were, in fact, actually attached to his body.

"But…you're a boy. How are you a monster and a boy at the same time?" she asked, only able to keep her composure due to years of ruling.

"Nobody knows," he shrugged. "If it makes you feel any better, you're not the first or the last person to mistake me for a human."

The Queen sank into thought for a few minutes, before coming up with an idea. "Well, even if you're not human, you are a male. A male winning the tournament would be the same as a human doing so."

"Glad we could sort that out," Kevin smiled. He didn't care about the green orb she was offering, but was more focused on guaranteed Fighting Type boss that would be waiting for him at the end.

"That makes you the sixth contestant I've managed to recruit," she grinned victoriously. "There's a few days until the Queen's Cup. Until then, please enjoy yourself in my fair city."

Kevin had to admit that it made sense for the Queen to reach out to as many able-bodied men as possible instead of putting all of her hopes on one. However, he also wasn't worried about any of the others, as he was 100% certain that none of them could even try to measure up to his abilities; and, for the most part, he was correct.

But, there just happened to be one contestant who would flip the table on the whole tournament, even before the final bout with the reigning champion. One who was not supposed to exist in that world at all, but was allowed to by the Being in order to meet his newest little brother.

{Three Days Later}

Without the need to go somewhere or do something of importance, the days leading up to the Queen's Cup were rather relaxing. Both Kevin and Alice had determined that it would take too much effort for them to head to any of the other hotspots of the Noah Region and still be back in time to participate. As a result, they spent the time resting in the room they rented, sampling the local cuisine, and generally doing nothing of importance.

It should also be noted that there was only one incident where a monster tried pulling the Eevee into an alley and treating him to a 'good time.' The unlucky succubus was later found in the same alley with numerous bruises, broken bones, and a sign hanging from her neck that read "I fucked around and found out." Even after recovering, she refused to elaborate on what happened, only whispering "it's not a cosplay" in fear when questioned.

On the day of the tournament, the four travelers woke up early once again and headed over to the Colosseum. Unfortunately, neither Gnome nor Sylph were allowed to enter the holding room for contestants with their Host, and were urged to head up to the stands since they weren't participating. When they were about to just return to Kevin's soul, the boy stopped them.

"We all know that there's no possible way I can lose," he told them, giving the Earth and Wind Spirits a quick hug. "Having you two with me would just be overkill at this point."

Gnome frowned. "...?"

"No, it has nothing to do with Rock Types being weak to Fighting Types. Flying Types would be super effective here, but I'm also sending Sylph away."

"Do we have to?" whined the tiny Spirit.

Kevin sighed and took off his backpack. "If it makes you feel any better, you can take my bag and buy whatever you want from the food stalls and souvenir shops." Since they counted as part of his soul, they would have no problem with reaching into the Bag of Holding compartment and pulling out the money.

"Really!?" Sylph exclaimed, her mood doing a full 180 degree turn. "Gnomy, we could get all the food we want and watch from inside the Bag of Bedding!"

The child-sized Spirit took the backpack without hesitation. Out of the three of them, Gnome seemed to be the one who most appreciated the comfort of the Bag of Bedding. It was the perfect place to retreat into isolation, where nobody could bother her. She'd even considered asking her husband to allow her to ride around inside of it while they were traveling, but decided that would deprive her of the much-needed physical contact she craved with him.

With that, they were off to the stands to sit next to Alice and watch their Host effortlessly dominate the competition.

If only they knew how heated this event would really get…